It's bigger than you and I

Over the weekend, my cousin matriculated and received her MBA. It was truly a family affair. The Bellini clan was very proud, we partied, popped champagne, and spread the love with friends. My Dad roasted my cousin, reminder her and attendees that this moment is bigger than all of us. And that we must take things for granted and strive to improve conditions for ourselves and look out for others. Have you ever seen the movie Annapolis (starring Tyrese) and the scene in the beginning where the character Marcus Nance is thumbing through the slides on his lap top – looking at home. The pride the town –not just the family- felt that he was accepted in a prestigious institution. That’s how it is for the Bellini clan. So, the spiel I hear all the time -- has resonated with me a long time ago – since I was little girl. Now what has dawned on me the older I’ve gotten is that my existence is an anomaly. What’cha ya saying Bellini?

It was not until I reached college, that I realized how far we have to come. Remember back when I shared that my bread ‘n’ butter major is political science – well of the classes I took to satisfy my major’s requirements—oftentimes than not I was the only person of color in a sea of white folks. Now, if you know me that is not problematic – that’s been the story of my life. But, what I didn’t realize is that for many of us – we are used to being amongst each other and everyone else composes our periphery (i.e. the mainstream). And that we either feel out of place, ashamed, and/or yet inferior to our surroundings. Here’s a situation that still haunts me today.

Last year I traveled to Chicago for work, I had dinner on the southside – after being the minority /anomaly all day, I needed reacclimation with my kinfolk. As I order a martini as an ice breaker, so I could mellow out. I remember all the stares I received maybe be’cuz I was young Bellini has a baby face, dining alone, and in business suit. Folks seemed to have trouble grasping their minds around the image. I’m not sure why – (on a sidenote- I remember sharing my encounter w/ dark’n’stormy and she was like why did you eat alone implying why I didn’t dine with my colleagues—well, a girl has to eat on company travel or not, second I had decided days prior to my trip that I was dining on the southside and I didn’t bother to invite colleagues I’m trying to wine down and not be pc about shit all night.

So, my waitress decides to ask the burnin’ question. And I told her my profession, why I was in town, blah, blah… She then shares she’s in school tryin’ barely holding on… that she has no family support. Family is undermining her goals and wasn’t sure if she should push on. My mouth dropped to the floor not be’cuz I know everyone didn’t grow up the way I did, but be’cuz the stakes were too high for her. And that I knew she needed a conviction to finish and that usual place to receive such affirmation comes from the home and that she couldn’t obtain support from there. Damn.

I have never felt so hopeless in my life. To add insult to injury all my business cards were in my hotel room—I can’t recall if I gave her my mobile? She couldn’t see the light at the end of tunnel and you know what happens why you don’t have faith—you will retreat. And I attempted to stress to her to not give in too temptation. That life ain’t easy, that her soul needed her to finish ‘cuz she knew deep down inside she was making the right decision. And yet, I’ve also learned in life that some messages must come from certain people or else risk having no significance at all. It’s sad, but that’s a stark truth I’ve come to accept, but that doesn’t mean it absolves my responsibility from inspiring hope and droppin’ jewels of knowledge ‘cuz if I don’t who will. Are you? Now, Bellini is not hear to preach, it just ain’t my style, but please remember shit is bigger than you and I.

cheers,

Bellini