Roommates can be fun and interesting or positively horrible. Ok, there might be a middle ground in there somewhere but finding a roommate who doesn't bother you and keeps to themselves is pretty hard to do. I've had my fair share of roommates in this life. Come with me as I take you down memory lane and highlight my most memorable roommates.
The OR (original roommate): My lil sister a.k.a. the dirtiest roommate known to man. You wouldn't know it now but back in the day I used to really hate my lil sister. Even though in sunday school they taught us we shouldn't hate anyone, I truly did feel venom and wrath when I thought about her most days. Mainly because we shared a room and while I like things decent and in order, she preferred to hide bowls of cereal under her bed for weeks at a time. Ewwww. We fought like cats and dogs about closet space, cleanliness and who would be the one to turn the light out when it was time to fall asleep. We even drew one of those lines down the middle of the room and dared each other to step foot cross it. So I ended up making the leap from my side to the hallway just to exit my own room.
The bestest roommate ever: a.k.a. Rum Punch. I'ma let ya'll in on the biggest secret in roommate success. Come close, you ready.... SEPARATE BATHROOMS and to a lesser but equally important extent, separate bedrooms (i.e. bedrooms at either end of the apartment so no one hears a thing....ever!). We would convene in the living room, lay on our respective couches and watch vh1 soul all day, until the rotation came back around and we would yell out the next video before they even played it. Grocery shopping was an event, since neither of us minded sharing the necessities like water, milk and bread and we'd happily split the bill down the middle. She'd proof my history papers, even though I wrote them at the last minute in the wee hours of the morning mere hours before they were due. Yet we both could retreat to our secret places for some much needed solitary confinement. Those were the days!
The oldest roommate in America: a.k.a. Granddaddy. I didn't literally live with my grandfather, instead in an even weirder turn of events, I lived with someone else's grandfather, a man old enough to be my granddaddy. Ahhhh the things one does for cheap rent in the big apple. Half the time he was gone and the other half he watched over our little block from his perch in his bedroom window. I had to get used to the sounds of salsa music blasting from his room on Saturday nights and the cigarette smoke did nothing for my developing allergies but other than the fact that I could never bring anyone over for fear of having to explain what I was doing living with a 70 year old man (i think), this situation was pretty alright. But maybe that's because I only did it for 4.5 months.
Thankfully, I'm done with roommates....for now. Until the day I find my ultimate roommate, the one who will carry me over the threshold of our new pad. While I anxiously await that day, I'll enjoy my non-roommateness...
No more waking up in the middle of the night in a panic because you think you heard something decidedly non-human scratching and sneaking in the corner.
No more sleeping with the lights and the radio on because you're afraid to go to sleep for fear the non-human thing will crawl all over your body.
No more scurrying to the bathroom in a robe or a towel.
No more lighting 50 thousand candles and scented oil thingies to get rid of the smell of smoke and old people.
No more waking up on a Saturday morning at 8am to a 5 year old staring you in the face asking, "can we play now?"
No more running random errands for your mama nem on your vacation days cause really what would ya'll do if i wasn't here?
No more funny stories that start with "girl, guess what my roommate did last night..."
Do y'all have any funny roommate stories?
2 comments:
HA! Im shocked no one responded to this. Well, I had a roommate in college who was "on the DL" tho he kinda wore it on his sleeve, and I had to hear his phone bonin almost every night and what he did and didnt like to do (sex wise). Well one day, I came from class and caught him and one of his suitors almost gettin down with the GIT DOWN! and I was probably more shocked than they were as they pulled from each other and all I could say was "wuzzup"...I then proceeded to switch rooms immediately..but not b/c of his lifestyle but b/c he also was messy and smelled like Stank @$$!!!
Freshman year in college I had a roommate whose friend that I was going to KILL (I mean, I literally had an O.J. knife pulled out on this biAtch one day cuz I couldn't take her anymore!)
How the whole sitchy-ay-shun went down was that I kept coming back to the room and my roomie's friend would be sitting on my bed. I had NO problem with her sitting on my bed (well, kinda...she smelled like she tended to herds of goats! hahahaha) There were only 2 desk chairs in our room and the beds, so if she had some people over, naturally they could sit on the bed, but on the "quilt area", NEVER on the pillow--isn't that COMMON SENSE? This one chick kept sitting on my FRIGGIN PILLOW! WHY? I have NO idea! Dig she have a magnet in her ass that made her sit on my pillow against her will? I didn't know and I didn't care. I asked her nicely ONCE not to sit there. She did it again...AND again. That was IT! Out comes the knife and I had to git BROOKLYN on her. Needless to say, I decided to leave that room before I caught a case!
...AND after my roommate (she was dating a CREEPY 36 year old who HAD A VAN!!)decided to break up with him for an 18 year old boy...Ole boy started STALKING Carrie (HOW did I remember her name?? hahahaha)...he'd be peeping around the corners of the hallways whenever a door opened...it was sick! But I wasn't scurred because I had my KNIFE and wasn't afraid to use it! hahaha...What prompted me to REALLY leave was they were in OUR room arguing and breaking sh*t up. When I remembered that she didn't have sh*t to break up and realized it was MY SH*T, that's when I REALLY had to go!!!
I did have a great roommate sophomore year, but she graduated that spring. After that, I just "got rid" of roommates by being ULTRA-EVIL and had my own room for the rest of my college days. NO MAS!
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