First Comes Love... Sometimes

My friend and her husband welcomed their first child into this world last Tuesday. I am so happy and proud and cannot wait to visit the newest addition to their family. They documented his born day by snapping photos every step of the way, from them exiting the house to her husband putting on his scrubs to my homegirl laying on the table in the delivery room being prepped for her c-section. And of course many photos of the proud parents with their new son in the hospital room and upon his arrival home.

Yesterday I showed the photos to my mom. She was doing the usual "awww" here and "ahhh" there. And then, with a look of deep concern in her eyes, she turned to me and said "when are you going to have one?" @#$%&!? You talkin to me? I'm still screening potential sperm donors! That alone can easily take a decade. A husband would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath on that one. I expressed these thoughts to my mother. Her response was what happens if I don't find that great husband or perfect sperm.

Hmmmm.....

First giving thanks to my mother for that hefty dose of reality, I must admit that I really have some thinking and praying to do on this subject. Like many women [and men], I always dreamed of getting married prior to having children. I've never been one to give a damn about tradition. I feel that marriage first is just more practical. Two salaries instead of one, four hands to hold/change/feed instead of two, twice as many family members/babysitters... all that good stuff. Like the old saying, there is strength in numbers. But in the real world, it doesn't always go down like that.

So am I willing to start having kids if, at a certain point in my life, I am still single? Absolutely. I cannot think of a greater joy than looking into the eyes of my little ones and feel my heart swell with the love of a mother. There are plenty of folk who do not want children, but I have always known that God intended for me to be somebody's mama. And not just because I was born with ovaries.

Now the hardest decision to make will be when to stop executing plan A and proceed with plan B. This will definitely require preparation and planning. I would have to decide how much money I want to have saved, what neighborhood to live in (for scholastic purposes), how much time I will take off from work, etc. The most important of these variables being where is said baby coming from. Do I use a sperm bank? Well a sperm bank can tell you whatever they want about the donor but you never really know until the baby is born. What if they screw up and give me a Japanese man's sperm when I requested a Black man from Chicago? Do I use a personal donor? Meaning someone I personally know who makes an [legal] agreement to donate their sperm to me and relinquish their parental rights. I've seen many same sex couples use this method. Or do I adopt? I've always wanted to adopt a child, even if I get married and give birth to my husband's children. There are too many black babies that need a home and some love. And I don't have to go all the way to Africa to find one. There are plenty right 'chere in the DMV.

Damn that's a lot to consider! I know that I don't need to have answers overnight. But I definitely have some thinking to do. Time don't wait for no man. My grandma told me that one day. She gave birth to my dad and his twin sister at age 42; they were her eighth and ninth children. Crazy, right? Well she had a husband... Lol.

Are you willing to have children if you do not marry?


Tumultuously Yours,
Dark & Stormy