Self Serve

It's been almost a year since I wrote about my decision to be celibate. Um ok cue Usher's these are my confessions... Last December I slipped and fell on some d.ick, so technically I have officially been celibate for a whole nine months. And what a looonnnggg nine months it’s been. But somehow I have managed. Well I think we can all guess how I’ve managed. That’s right let your mind wander and settle there.

Self pleasure is something us single gals rarely sit around and talk about. Oh sure we might talk about men, our love lives (or lack thereof), that crazy chick at work, the last time he put it on you and it was sooo good you were calling God, Jesus, Allah and Budda's name, but m.asturbation - forget about it. That you keep to yourself. Literally. And yet somehow we all know that we’ve done it at some point or another. Even the most prudish of your girlfriends has let the shower head nuzzle across her special place at least once. But she wouldn’t dare tell you about it.

Oh sure from time to time you might slip and talk about your actions aloud. The other night after several cocktails I made an off hand remark about my "me time." And my homegirl said, “I know that’s right. I swear my hand’s going to fall off soon.” Laughter. Shared understanding. And that was it. It's not that you're ashamed or anything, it's more like a don't ask don't tell, what happens between you and your va jay jay stays between you and your va jay jay policy. It’s like being part of some secret, anonymous society. And if you dare come from the cloak of darkness to reveal yourself, it has to be quick, preferably in the form of a joke, and then everyone must return to normal, as if nothing ever happened.

I suppose it’s because it's truly a personal act. And unlike sharing with and demonstrating to your friends the proper way to ride a man, (that's not personal at all), you don’t really want to tell them (nor do they really need or want to know) just how you get through those lean, mean and in between times. I mean it's just an unpoken understanding that we all fall on hard (or not so hard) times. And it's kinda crazy to think that no one self medicates. There'd be a lot more road rage and other psycho chick occurences if us ladies didn't take things into our own hands! So you just gotta do what you gotta do. On your own. Or with the help of a battery operated friend. And when you're done, tell no one.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!