The Ex Factor

So the other night I was watching this random movie, Traci Townsend on TV One. Basically it starts off with this woman, Traci who’s dating this guy who won’t sleep with her yet. She starts getting irritated. Accuses him of being gay. He breaks up with her. She laments to her girlfriend that she’s lost another one. Her girlfriend is on some, ‘why can’t you keep a man, something must be wrong with your p***y that you keep attracting ain’t shit n****as.’

So Traci (conveniently a journalist) suggests to her friend (who was conveniently a wannabe filmmaker) that they go visit and interview her exes to find out why they broke up with her. She gets some answers, ends up kissing her homegirl (yeah it took a crazy turn), tries to get back with ol’ dude from the beginning – only to be dumped again and finally finds solace in being alone. Yeah. It was pretty interesting.

So aside from the fact the movie needed some plot work, it got me thinking about what happens when you run into exes and you see them with their new “loves” or just interest du jour. Of course you have to be cordial. Well you don’t have to be. But the right thing is to be cordial, make small talk, and try to get out of there as gracefully as possible. But of course in the midst of all this, you are taking notes on the new person on your ex’s arm: their face - Is she cute, like, at all? Their hair – real or fake, good or bad weave? he make up – too much or not enough? Their outfit – does it match, is it cute or tacky? Their shoes - Payless or Gucci or in between? Their whole demeanor – did they seem nice or stank actin?

Cause you know when you tell your girlfriends that you ran into your ex and he was with someone else, the first question will be, “So, how she look?” And it will take everything in your soul not to say, “She was cute. But not as cute as me.” © Jill Scott. Or maybe you do say that. But only to like your closest, closest girlfriends, because if you say it to the masses, you will sound like an asshole. And be accused of being a “hater.” When really, maybe, you were just being honest. I mean you know what you look like. And you know what they looked like. And you have this, "you chose her over me? Like, really?" feeling that also isn't supposed to be shared. Cause then you sound like a real "hater". And can you tell that I have seen like 3 exes/old school love interests and their new loves over like a 3 day period. And that this wound is fresh and raw? But I digress…

Ironically I watched a Seinfeld last night and Elaine was dating this famous ex-baseball player and Seinfeld (her ex – for those who don’t know) was shocked that she really liked this guy. And he said, “not to sound arrogant, but I didn’t think she would find someone better than me.” HA! Tell it Seinfeld!

But people do move on. They take whatever they had with someone, pick it apart, find the good, the bad and the ugly, and use all of that knowledge when looking for someone else. And so when Traci Townsend made her rounds to find out why these men dumped her and eventually married other women – even though she just knew such and such would never get married, she realized what we women have heard time and time again, that they just didn’t want to marry her ass. And it didn’t matter that she was fly. That she made six figures. That she was great in bed. What did matter was that she was: Controlling. Too competitive. Emasculating. Nosy. Distrustful. And that’s why she became the ex. And someone who on the surface may not have seemed right for her ex, when you went past the physical, dug a little deeper, ended up being the most compatible. And even though you know as a true fact, that y'all just weren't gonna be right together anyway, on some higher ground, new age spirituality, what God has for me is for me, attitude, it sucks when you come face-to-face with it. Literally.

That’s my time y’all Happy Rum Punch Friday!