Mamas Don't Let Your Daughters Grow Up to be Fools

What’s up party people? Let’s have some fun today, shall we? We shall! So, below I have text messages exchanged between a married man and a married woman – with some Rum Punch commentary sprinkled in. And here we gooo…

Woman: Do you love me? Is she really serious with this? Yes, she is. Let's remember that they're both married. M'mkay? M''mkay!
Man: Yes. You want me to count the ways? Oh, I love you 5 ways. Just counted. Hmmm… That’s it?

Woman: LOLOL! THAT’S ALL?! My question, exactly. LOL. What are they, maybe they cover the whole thing. Because I have at least 10 ways. Ok, she’s pressed…

Man: THANX FOR BEING MY GIRL! I WISH I COULD ARTICULATE WHAT THAT MEANS TO ME. GOODNIGHT SOULMATE! Oh ok. So y’all are soul mates now? What about your respective spouses?
Woman: ALLLL. I know you know it, but I’ll always be your girl, whatever it means to you! Yes, what does that mean, seeing as how y’all are both, must I really repeat it again, married!

Man: What did you think I mean when I say G doesn’t fit anymore?
Woman: I thought you meant that we are wayyy past the girlfriend stage and that I mean way more to you than a girlfriend. Was I wrong? How can you be way past a girlfriend stage? I’m not understanding! Are there levels or stages to an affair - just fcuking, mistress, girlfriend, I promise you will one day be wifey?
Man: NOPE! 2 MUCH FOR 2WAY THOUGH. Hmmm... You think?
Woman: NO QUESTION. I thought about writing you a letter last night, but it would have been way too long and I figured a bit much. Write a letter? How old are you? 16 years old? What could you possibly say in a letter? How much you love him? How much you wanna be with him someday? You've said it. Many times. I think he gets it. Does he care though?

Woman: Do I make you uncomfortable when I talk about you in the future sense? I mean about thinking about if we will ever really be together? Yes, I would think that this kind of talk would make any man who is clearly not trying to leave his wife, very uncomfortable.
Man: NOT AT ALL! I just don’t want you to be “miserable” at home because of future expectations. I just don’t want you to make a Bad Decision, whatever it is, because of me. Well, she's already having an affair. So what other bad decisions could she make? Oh many more, we will soon find out...
Woman: Ok, just wanted to ask. I'm real sure of the look in your eyes when you hear me talk about that. I’m trying to figure out if you’re looking at me like I’m right or you haven’t quite figured it out yet. Can I ask one more question, what does it do? Do you think about that seriously ever?
Man: Yes. I think about it seriously a lot. Talk Wednesday! (high voice) Talk Wednesday?!? Yeah right. I'm sooo sure, y'all are going to have a real conversation on Wednesday and you're not gonna just "string" her along some more...

Man: 2012 IS REAL FAR AWAY! You Are SOOOO WORTH THE WAIT! Ok, so the year of these messages is 2003. Are you trying to say that you are really going to leave your wife in 9 years for her? So, she's supposed to what – just hang around and wait?
Woman: LOLOL. Thanks! So are you! I just have to figure out what to do with myself in the meantime to not go crazy thinking about you! LOL. Oh this is what she's s going to do in the meantime! I see now!
Man: DITTO! Yes, I'm sure you're just going INSANE thinking about her!

Woman: Will you marry me? Is this chick crazy? Isn’t she already married? And why is she asking him? I mean I'm just saying - I know this is all kinds of wrong - but shouldn't the man be the one to make the first move to leave the spouse? I'm just saying, that seems like proper 'adultery' etiquette.

Man: YES. When? Ok. Stop your lies. You ain’t marrying her!
Woman: I don’t know when, all I know is that I want to be your wife! I want you to be my husband. So whenever our lives permit, just say you’ll marry me. Um ok. Delusion is a mothfcuka.
Man: YES. YES. YES. I REALLY KNEW I WOULD Be WITH You SINCE 12TH GRADE.JUST A MATTER OF TIME. And yet, 15+ years later, after high school, college and graduate school, y'all married other people and had kids. So... When are y'all getting married? In the nursing home perhaps?
Woman: I will wait on it! Love you. Ok this is making my head hurt. Really hurt.

Woman: I just feel something from you. Do you need me to and want me to really commit to being your “friend?” Do you feel troubled at the thought of our physical relationship resuming? Are you keeping yourself from being emotionally involved? Tee hee. Tee hee. Oh Lordy...
Man: I DO BELIEVE WE MUST STOP THE PHYSICAL. BUT WE MUST KEEP, SOMEHOW, OUR CONNECTION. I MEAN THIS, I NEED THIS! I Don’t KNOW HOW. You KNOW ME VERY WELL. I can’t be YOUR FRIEND! IT’S IMPOSSIBLE. I can’t be YOUR HUSBAND. WHAT CAN I BE? That's what I've been asking this whole time! Clearly not a damn thing!

Woman: Your life force makes me whole and I know that without it, I am incomplete! Now, the problem is how much of each other that takes away from our SO’s. I don’t know what to do about that and stay whole! Say whaat?
Man: Well Ditto! It’s so damn hard and so damn good. It’s the absolute best and sometimes the worst. What is always constant is the fact that ILYSM! (I love you Soul mate) Again with this soul mate business, eh?
Woman: So what do we DO? I struggle with what’s fair to you and yours and me and mines everyday. I thought I knew what I should be doing until I caught a glimpse of you not being FULLY in my life and I panicked! I don’t know to let you be anything less than everything!
Man: Don’t know! You GOT to be who you are in my life. What the hell? Clearly, you are her life. So, what do you want from her? What do you want? Oh I know what you want...
Woman: Can I ask you a question? What do you get from your wife that you don’t get from me? Oh shyt. Here it comes.
Man: The tremendous bond of parenthood. My kids’ mama. The birth experiences and the dreams for our children.
Woman: Is that it? Isn't that enough? Oh you want more? Ok here it go...
Man: That’s it. I was thinking real hard. It’s ALL the Family thing. Structure and comfort And there it is ladies. That is the reason his ass ain’t going nowhere. And yet…

Woman: I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!
Man: Miss you too! You are truly my Lady! Forever! Can’t get you out and don’t want you out of my system. You COMPLETE ME! Oh my goodness! I can't take it anymore! It's like a vicious cycle of craziness! I love you! I can't be with you! We must end this! But we're soul mates! But we can't be together! So what shall we do? Oh the fun! The drama! The danger of it all! Saracasm included...

So, in case you couldn't tell, these are the two way exchanges between the one and only, former mayor of Detorit, Kwame Kilpatrick and his "soul mate" Christine Beatty. Recently, over 6,000 messages have been released to the public and I spent the last couple days of my life reading several. Yes, it got to the point that I came upstairs, asking my dad, "Who taught me how to read?" I mean really, who taught me how to read? Because this was too much!

When the messages were first released, we (the public) got a lot of the nasty messages - the I want to give you head, blah, blah, blah. But after reading these other ones I realized it was so much more than just the physical. It was a combination of two people who had a history together (they dated in high school), holding on to that puppy love feeling, getting off on the sneaking around, him talking what I think is a bunch of shyt, and her being simple for believing everything he said.

Yes, in my mind she was simple. Not saying that he was any better. But I am saying, at some point, she should have stepped back and seen the reality of the situation. And I want to slap her a million times over. And then him. And I want to look her in the eye and be like, "um how crazy are you? Why were you even wasting your time? Couldn't you see?"

But I guess all she saw was love. I mean he kept saying it. Was "showing" it - taking her on trips, buying her gifts, telling her that someday the mayoral mansion might be hers (as if). Seemed conflicted by it. And they had all that history. And as someone who wrote this, I know that first love is hard to shake. But damn, sometimes you just gotta let some shyt go. Both of y'all. Live off the memories, please don't try to recreate. Because y'all is grown now - like real grown, with your own lives, families, responsibilities (mayor of Detroit anyone), mortgages and shyt. But maybe that was too normal. Too regular. Too boring. Too everyday. And so how about "rekindling" our love and affection? Doesn't that sound like a great plan?

To me, this situation is a perfect blend of Bellini and Mint Julep's posts from this week - the selfishness of being in "love" with two people and refusing to choose, the fact that technology is a mothafkuca and can come back to bite you in the ass, the reality that relationships are a difficult thing, that trust is a four letter word.... And that men ain't shyt but hoes and tricks. Ok, like Mint Julep, I kid. Sort of. But I think that most of us know that a man will take advantage of a situation if we allow it. And so women must know their power. Apply common sense when necessary. Take an obviously undesirable situation at face value instead of analyzing it, picking it apart, re-writing it to fit into a fantasy. Stop being foolish and be wise enough to know what really is, what ain't and what will never be.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!