when flirting with white boys goes horribly wrong

way back in the day when the 5 spot was a wee lil blog, i pondered love across the color line. and after all the laughs and the backlash, i started thinking why not keep my eye out for a white guy who i could even think about entertaining the possibility of actually flirting with in hopes that we might go out on a date. baby steps, my friends, baby steps

so while i didn't start hanging out at any frat parties or sign up for web based love connections, i did become less discriminating, departing from my personal brown paper bag test. i eased into it with a few light skinneded brothas. but as with all new things, there have been a few bumps in the road.

*enter wildly amusing story about my weekend shenanigans*

on saturday night i was out and about with some friends playin my role as the token black girl. if i'm painting a picture of the bar scene, it'd be something like where's waldo with me as waldo and everyone else as white folks. but no biggie, i was "trying different things...sipping whiskey out the bottle not thinkin' bout tomorrow, singin' sweet home alabama all night long."

while giggling and laughing with the girls, we are approached by a group of guys who strike up a convo. and one of them seemed to be particularly interested in ms. julep. since i'm generally clueless whenever ANY man approaches me, it wasn't till he started leanin in and touchin a sista's arm that the needle slid off the record player in my mind....scrreeeeeech.

lookie here. white boy got the feva! i started really listening to what he was saying and took a better look at him. he had all my white boy requirements:

pure-d white boy- check
smelled good- check
smooth chest (discovered in our convo on how he was stabbed in the back by a rouge mexican) - check
owned a successful business - check
really wanted a piece of chocolate covered mint julep - check
pretty close to brody-grade looks - check

thinking back i don't even remember his name. but we talked for a good lil while and i ended the evening my giving him my business card. i left feeling proud of myself for doing my part to heal the racial wounds of yesteryear.

fast forward to monday morning when i find the following gem of an email in my inbox:

Hello. I'm really sorry to email you. I didn't want to call. I've never had to do this before and I will keep this short but please be honest with me.

I found your business card in my fiance's pants yesterday doing laundry. He told me he was in Cleveland for the weekend but I see your from [city nowhere near Cleveland].
So could you tell me where you met him?, was he in [city nowhere near Cleveland]?

and did anything happen or did you guys have sex?

Sorry to ask, I just need to know.

Thanks so much.
[name changed to protect crazy stalker fiance]

*blank stare*

damn crazy stalker fiance damn

*blank stare*

what to do, what to do? something in her desperate semi-pathetic email tugged at my sisterly heartstrings. crazy stalker fiance definitely needs a dose of reality. clearly mr. man has stepped out on her before if the first thing her mind goes to when she finds my business card in his pocket is sex. twasn't like i wrote "thanks for the nice ride cowboy" on the back. not to mention that mr. man wasnt' no where near cleveland this weekend. and i don't buy for one minute that you've never had to do this before crazy stalker fiance. but the lies that you tell yourself are your business.

i ended up sending her a short and sweet "aint-shit-happen-but-you-need-to-check-your-lying-ass-not-in-cleveland-man" email. i did my duty without sliding too deep into their jacked-up sitchy-achun (c) mrs. meany. and crazy stalker fiance was "grateful".

Thanks you so much. I feel better. I figured it was innocent but I've had problems with him before and didn't feel good about it. Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it!!

[crazy stalker fiance]

i had a good laugh about the whole thing but it kinda made me sad. men "aint shit but hoes and tricks." ok not REALLY but really! spending the weekend in a whole nother city than what you told your fiance is foul.

and women are crazy as hell. ok not REALLY but really! who sends an email confronting another woman over a business card. not used condoms or steamy text messages. but a business card. crazy doesn't even describe it.

what say you?