WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.

SO LONG, FAREWELL...

The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, March 27, 2009

Tired of Being Alone

So, one beautiful spring day, when I was a wee lad, and by wee, I mean about 22-23 years old, I went to a brunch that was specifically for black women. So it was supposed to be an “uplifting” brunch with a guest speaker a la Iyanla Vanzant. Anyway. Most of the women were late twenties, early thirties. Professionals. Home owners. And a majority of them were single. Now, to me, at the time, they seemed soo old. And established. And quite lonely. And just tipping the bitter, black woman scale. And I remember thinking, “Lord, please don’t let me become this type of black woman.” Oh no.

So, we’re sitting around munching on skrimp and grits, chicken and waffles, etc., etc., and one of the women starts talking about how she doesn’t have a man. And that she wishes, sometimes, that she had a man. And then she says, softly, and dare I say kind of sadly, “I just wish that I had someone, so they could wash my car on a day like today.” And I remember thinking, “say what?” That’s all you want? Pitiful. And now. Five years later. I am that woman. Well, okay, I’m not a homeowner. But I am that black, professional woman, quickly approaching 30. Single. But trying not to be bitter about it. Not trying to let it get me down. You know keeping my mind stayed on Jesus and ery’thang, but ummm, how many of y'all know it gets hard.

Earlier this week I had a little bit of meltdown. Basically, as I’m driving without a care in the world, I learn from a fellow driver that my new (all of four days old) back tire was low. FRRRICCKK! I pull up to the conveniently nearby tire spot. They tell me I’ll probably need a patch for $19.99. Ok, I can handle that. 20 minutes later, they tell me I need a whole new tire. Now it’s time to put on my sista girl coat, hat and boots. Let the neck roll and the finger wag. Oh hell no, I said. I just got these tires. “Well you’re gonna have to take it to the place you got it from," they said.

And that’s when the meltdown occurred. I’m not exactly sure what I said. I think it was something along the lines of, “Why Lord, why? Why am I by myself? I hate being single! I don’t wanna do this shyt by myself anymore.” Ok. Admittedly it was a little extreme. It was only a tire. And I had the people put the doughnut on my car, drove to the other place and got a new tire for free. But in that moment, in that wtf, this is truly messing with my day moment, I wanted a man to complain to. To gripe to. To call and be like, “you won’t believe this shyt!” But I had no one. Well no one of substance and worth my time, anyway.

I mean I just wanted to be able to be a baby with someone for like two seconds, two seconds. Take off this independent woman protective covering for a few moments and be vulnerable, upset, pissed off, the total opposite of clear headed. I mean of course I was going to get the tire fixed. But that day, it hit me, I be tired man. Tired of carrying this load by myself. And so now, at this point in my life, I totally understand ol’ girl’s comment about wanting a man to just wash her car. Cause it’s that seemingly little shyt, that in actuality is the important, big shyt. It's the little shyt that soothes your soul, makes you smile, helps you get through today and tomorow and the next day... Saying to a man, “Baby I had a hard day.” And then him, rubbing your feet, or kissing your fo’head, or running a bath, or just replying with these magic words, “Baby, what happened?” Doing something. Anything.

But when you have nothing. No one. Well, it starts to suck. No matter how many girlfriends you have to go to concerts and plays with. No matter how much your family loves you. No matter how many Bible Study classes you go to. No matter how many times you recite your single girl mantras in front of the mirror: “What God has for me is for me.” “I’m just going to work on me and the right person will come.” “This too shall pass.” “Shyt, I know I look good. And I need a man who can appreciate it.” It starts to all feel for naught.

Cause you don't know what's coming around the corner. What God has in store for you. What tomorrow is going to bring. And other cliches. And you start to get worried. But everyone says, don't worry. And so I'm trying not to. And so, while I live my life (oh yes that's another mantra) and make plans for my future, and eat this pan of brownies, I guess I've got to come out of my funk, cause this too shall pass...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can SO relate, never did I think in my early 20's, I'd still be single @ almost 35. I have those moments too, then I take heart because there are lots of worse kinds of women to be than "early thirties. Professionals. Home owners." truly...at least we haven;t settled for something and gotten obligated and tied down and we still aren't fullfilled like I have witnessed alot of folk do out of fear and desperation etc...
Hold on sis, The LORD has not forgotten us :-)

Courvoisier said...

I hear you girly. Those flat tire and tough day at work moments are always rough.

Bellini said...

Rummy?!? aaahhh... you could have always called Dad? on a lighter note, this weekend we'll watch Jilly from Philly's debut in her HBO special

Rum Punch said...

@ anon - You are right about that not settling! That's why I have no one to call now! I can't deal with foolishness.

@ Courvoisier - Yes, girl. Ain't those days the roughest? Ain't they though?

@ Bellini - Did you just call me Rummy? LMAO! Yes, I could have always called papa Rum Punch. But when I got home - he was already on some - "did they give you a better, free tire?" Yes, I too will be watching Ms. Jilly from Philly doing her thang! Hopefully it will be a bright spot in the weekend!

mint julep said...

ahh yes. anything car related, house related or i don't feel like dealing with this related makes me want a man all up and through my situation. i'll refrain from any other "gurl yo man comin" statments and this point and just close with, le sigh...

Christina said...

first...lol @ eating that pan of brownies! second, girl i think this is the modern single black woman's lament! it's so hard keepin it strong from day to day, a lil 2 second break would be wonderful. keey ya head up :-)

Anonymous said...

I am a 28 year old teacher and single too. However, I thank God each night that I didn't just up and marry some loser for fear of being alone. Just wanted to say you are not alone. Hang in there!!!

Rum Punch said...

@ MJ - Le sigh, indeed. But it's cool - went to church this morning and got a good word about how do I define myself? Right on time! Got plenty to think about!

@ Christina - Yes, girl - when in a funk, a pan of brownies is always necessary! And you know they all gone! I agree w/ everything you said! And I am gonna start to raise my head again!

@ anon - Yes, I totally feel you about not marrying a loser for fear of being alone. I ain't that crazy. :-) I was just tellin MJ the other day, I am not the type of woman who can just have any man. I know in the long run it's a blessing, but somedays it doesn't feel that way!

@ Everyone - Thanks for the encouraging words! God willing, I'll come back next week with something a little more upbeat!