WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


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-The Five Spot

Friday, March 6, 2009

Wonder Woman

So I was sitting in the big chair getting my hair did when my hairdresser said to this other chick, “there is this woman who keeps calling my man and I wanna pick up the phone sooo bad.” And other chick says, “so what’s stopping you? That’s your estate.” Oh I had to hold in my laughter. So then my hairdresser talks about how she’s been through his phone and seen all these texts from said woman. And on New Year’s, this woman sent her man an “I miss you. I love you text.” And she wanna pick up the phone sooo bad the next time this btich calls late at night/in the wee hours of the morning, you know just to let her know.

So there are several problems with this here scenario, but for the sake of time, let’s deal with the snooping. We’ve all been there ladies, your man leaves to go to the bathroom, the kitchen, take what you know will be a long shower, whatever – and his phone goes off. Repeatedly. And you know deep down that it’s some other chick. Oh to look or not to look? That is the question. So Caption Obvious says don’t look cause once you go looking for something, then you’re definitely going to find something. Anything that can make him seem guilty. Start wondering: Who is this Jennifer chick who keeps texting him? Why does he have pictures of naked chicks in his phone? What type of heffas does he know? And as the image you have of him gets tainted every time your thumb scrolls, you start matching up texts or emails to when y’all met or have been together. It can be a very slippery slope. Which is why Captain Obvious is usually sitting on your shoulder, whispering, “don’t do it girl,” in your ear.

Oh but sitting on the other side is, fcuk Captain Obvious chilling with a sombrero and margarita. Why? Because the temptation to look is great, especially if you know you won’t get caught. But then what do you do with the information you may find? Two wrongs don’t make a right, so you can’t call him on it. And then if you do find something, the mistrust is there, only he should also be mistrusting yo’ ass – he just doesn’t know it. Yet.

I have to say that I am one of the nosiest people ever and yet I have only snooped once. Yeah, my ex left me in his house and I looked through his shit, found some old love letters and whatnot. It was wrong. I know, I know. And I gotta say while eye opening, not very fulfilling. And totally uncalled for. But I wonder what would have happened if I had found something. How would I have reacted?

I know women who have broken up with their significant others because of an email they found or an ambiguous text message. They never gave their reasons to the man. Just ended it. But I wonder that if you had to go through his phone or break his email passcode like you were figuring out a terroist cell, in the first place, then something is definitely wrong with this relationship. And clearly 'trust' is just a word in the dictionary to you.

But how can you trust someone if you don't check to make sure they're ok first? You know make sure they are doing right, and then trust. Because that blind, without a shadow of a doubt trust, is some scary ass shit. When you come to the realization that yo' mama was right that actions do speak louder than words, that you gotta be secure with yourself and let somebody do them, have him go out into the world and be confindent he's gonna come back to you every night, remain faithful, shake the ladies off. Oooo that's heavy. But if and when you get there, it must feel good to be able to close your eyes, dive in and then just let go...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

i would have not even waisted that energy folk. have a great weekend rawdawgbuffalo

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

Ok a little lost on this one, what were you laughing at? What was wrong with this scenario that you stated in the beginning. I honestly thought this post was gonnna go another way when I first read it.

It seems to me that this is some type of PSA to tell women to trust their man and not snoop, but the situation that you just laid out with your hairdresser, it sounds to me that she is being blatantly disrespected. Checking text messages aside, a woman is calling her house at inappropriate times and her man isnt being forthcoming with her, the only thing I see wrong with that situation is that she was sharing with you all instead of confronting her man.
I dont agree with snooping outright, but if you have a suspicion I say do what you need to to find out what you want to know and then deal with it accordingly. I can attest that its better to know cuz truth be told most men are going to come right out and tell you a damn thing.

Rum Punch said...

@ Torrance - Wasted energy, indeed.

@ Instropective - Ok well the whole exchange was funny to me because they were seriously plotting and planning how to get this mission accomplished. And my hairdresser is like early 40s, and I think it's a problem (at any age to be snooping) but definitely when you are a "grown ass woman".

In terms of the woman calling and disrespecting the house - since the days of the house phone are gone-, she was calling ol' boy's cell phone. So, hairdresser wanted to "accidentally" answer his cell and tell ol' girl about herself.
To me it seemed like a lot of work and as Torrance mentioned, wasted energy.

I think there are women who snoop to "confirm" suspicions and women who snoop to snoop and end up finding shyt that might not be anything. Just because this woman was texting her man lots and lots, while annoying, doesn't mean he was responding to her. But she took it there and was ready to cuss the chick out. Which takes it back to the whole, "that's your estate" comment. No, he's his own man. You have to be secure in that and yourself.

Dirty Red said...

Check my story...

While I was in College a couple of years ago I made friends with several females. Nothing going on but friendship.My wife knew about all of them, because we had to exchange numbers and call each other about class projects and stuff.

Well anyways, one of my friends called me late one night because she was working on a project for her job and she could not get the program she needed to download. She said I was the only one to answer the phone. Well I talked her through it. Oh did I mention that Wifey was out of town?
I told my wife the next day that I talked to Jennifer until 2 in the morning because I was helping her with her project. My wife hit the roof. 'Why is she calling you and blah, blah, blah'.

Then she proceeded to sneak through my phone, find Jennifers number and call her and do the 'you do not need to be calling my man' thing. They got into it and now I have lost a friend because of my wife's stupid behavior.
I have caught her going through my phone 2 more times since then looking for dirt. So now I keep my phone locked, and she can't stand that.

Am I wrong?

Rum Punch said...

@ Dirty Red - Well I didn't want to make this an Ask Rum Punch, type of thing, but here are my 2 cents... You and your wife really need to sit down and have a conversation (mayhap in front of a licensed therapist or pastor - whatever) about trust and respecting each other. She needs to state what she's afraid of. And you need to state what you dislike about the situation.

I think that when you lock your phone, she thinks you have something to hide and she wants to know what. But you don't appreciate her looking through your phone, therefore you lock it. She gets mad. Vicious cycle.

My mother has told the story that when my father was in grad school, some woman was all up on him. Invitin him to her house to "study." He would ask my mom, "do you wanna come?" And she'd say, "for what? I'm not in the class." WHOA MAMA IS YOU CRAZY?!? You let daddy go to that woman's house alone? And then come to find out she cooked dinner for him and shy. Say, what?

But my mama has said, "no one can 'make' somebody cheat.'" And that it's all about self control. Actually my daddy has said the same thing. Now of course this is one of those good in theory, hard in practice type thing. But your wife can't "control" your every movement. Unless y'all want a Doug Christie type situation. And all you can do is continue to be honest with her. She has to come to a point where she realizes that's really all she can "demand" from you. And be secure in that.