Destined to Be...

Do ya’ll remember that scene in the Matrix when Neo is speaking with the Oracle and she says something to the effect of “Later you are going to wonder if I really foresaw what I told you, or because I told you this that is why it happened.” I am sure I am misquoting all up and down, but it’s been like a decade since I’ve seen that movie. But the line, or the gist of the line kind of stuck with me. How much is this life is predestined and how much of it changes because of our actions…and are the two working in tandem? Now it is too late in the day to swim in the deep end of the meaning of life. But my believes on destiny verses sheer determination have evolved over the years and when I heard the following story it gave me pause…

My man friend who has a single male church friend (we’ll call him Church Boy) in his late 30’s who has never been married, but would like to tie the knot one day. On paper, Church Boy has never been married, no children, working on his PhD, currently working on being a multiple homeowner and is an avid health freak. By my friend’s accounts Church Boy isn’t crazy… so that qualifies Church Boy as a catch! So why is this man single? Asked all the single ladies. Well the answer is a little tricky, because there could be a myriad of reasons, but bear with me. A couple years ago while attending a church workshop a prophetess told Church Boy that he would marry a short dark skin woman with natural hair. But Church Boy tends to date tall light skin women with long relaxed hair…because that’s what he likes. So how can this be? Should this even be believed? When my friend told me this story I wanted to ask if the prophetess was a short dark skin woman with locks (tee hee)…because I don’t put nothing pass church folks, especially single, never been married women!

To a degree my friend thinks Church Boy believes this prophesy because of his lack of a wifey and personal belief that he is a catch. But would Church Boy even have entertained this-destiny or not-if someone-a prophet for that matter-hadn’t told him so? My dad often said that he could have told me my middle name was Mudpie because how would I have know any better? Short answer-I wouldn’t until I learned to read and saw my birth certificate!

So maybe this post is less about destiny and determination, but more about trusting the source of our information. Surely if my friend had told Church Boy the same vision of his future wife, Church Boy would have scoffed, laughed and then asked him what he was dranking on. Just like if my friend Sally Lu from down the street had told me she knew my middle name was Mudpie I wouldn't have believed her for a second! I would have told her my middle name was Princess, and I was rubber and she was glue…so she was the Mudpie!

So the question of the day is…in this world of instantaneous gratification, internet, charlatans and photoshop how will we know who to believe and what we should believe in? I hope we aren't just destined to be fooled.

See You In Seven

Wonder Woman

So I was sitting in the big chair getting my hair did when my hairdresser said to this other chick, “there is this woman who keeps calling my man and I wanna pick up the phone sooo bad.” And other chick says, “so what’s stopping you? That’s your estate.” Oh I had to hold in my laughter. So then my hairdresser talks about how she’s been through his phone and seen all these texts from said woman. And on New Year’s, this woman sent her man an “I miss you. I love you text.” And she wanna pick up the phone sooo bad the next time this btich calls late at night/in the wee hours of the morning, you know just to let her know.

So there are several problems with this here scenario, but for the sake of time, let’s deal with the snooping. We’ve all been there ladies, your man leaves to go to the bathroom, the kitchen, take what you know will be a long shower, whatever – and his phone goes off. Repeatedly. And you know deep down that it’s some other chick. Oh to look or not to look? That is the question. So Caption Obvious says don’t look cause once you go looking for something, then you’re definitely going to find something. Anything that can make him seem guilty. Start wondering: Who is this Jennifer chick who keeps texting him? Why does he have pictures of naked chicks in his phone? What type of heffas does he know? And as the image you have of him gets tainted every time your thumb scrolls, you start matching up texts or emails to when y’all met or have been together. It can be a very slippery slope. Which is why Captain Obvious is usually sitting on your shoulder, whispering, “don’t do it girl,” in your ear.

Oh but sitting on the other side is, fcuk Captain Obvious chilling with a sombrero and margarita. Why? Because the temptation to look is great, especially if you know you won’t get caught. But then what do you do with the information you may find? Two wrongs don’t make a right, so you can’t call him on it. And then if you do find something, the mistrust is there, only he should also be mistrusting yo’ ass – he just doesn’t know it. Yet.

I have to say that I am one of the nosiest people ever and yet I have only snooped once. Yeah, my ex left me in his house and I looked through his shit, found some old love letters and whatnot. It was wrong. I know, I know. And I gotta say while eye opening, not very fulfilling. And totally uncalled for. But I wonder what would have happened if I had found something. How would I have reacted?

I know women who have broken up with their significant others because of an email they found or an ambiguous text message. They never gave their reasons to the man. Just ended it. But I wonder that if you had to go through his phone or break his email passcode like you were figuring out a terroist cell, in the first place, then something is definitely wrong with this relationship. And clearly 'trust' is just a word in the dictionary to you.

But how can you trust someone if you don't check to make sure they're ok first? You know make sure they are doing right, and then trust. Because that blind, without a shadow of a doubt trust, is some scary ass shit. When you come to the realization that yo' mama was right that actions do speak louder than words, that you gotta be secure with yourself and let somebody do them, have him go out into the world and be confindent he's gonna come back to you every night, remain faithful, shake the ladies off. Oooo that's heavy. But if and when you get there, it must feel good to be able to close your eyes, dive in and then just let go...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!