WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Destined to Be...

Do ya’ll remember that scene in the Matrix when Neo is speaking with the Oracle and she says something to the effect of “Later you are going to wonder if I really foresaw what I told you, or because I told you this that is why it happened.” I am sure I am misquoting all up and down, but it’s been like a decade since I’ve seen that movie. But the line, or the gist of the line kind of stuck with me. How much is this life is predestined and how much of it changes because of our actions…and are the two working in tandem? Now it is too late in the day to swim in the deep end of the meaning of life. But my believes on destiny verses sheer determination have evolved over the years and when I heard the following story it gave me pause…

My man friend who has a single male church friend (we’ll call him Church Boy) in his late 30’s who has never been married, but would like to tie the knot one day. On paper, Church Boy has never been married, no children, working on his PhD, currently working on being a multiple homeowner and is an avid health freak. By my friend’s accounts Church Boy isn’t crazy… so that qualifies Church Boy as a catch! So why is this man single? Asked all the single ladies. Well the answer is a little tricky, because there could be a myriad of reasons, but bear with me. A couple years ago while attending a church workshop a prophetess told Church Boy that he would marry a short dark skin woman with natural hair. But Church Boy tends to date tall light skin women with long relaxed hair…because that’s what he likes. So how can this be? Should this even be believed? When my friend told me this story I wanted to ask if the prophetess was a short dark skin woman with locks (tee hee)…because I don’t put nothing pass church folks, especially single, never been married women!

To a degree my friend thinks Church Boy believes this prophesy because of his lack of a wifey and personal belief that he is a catch. But would Church Boy even have entertained this-destiny or not-if someone-a prophet for that matter-hadn’t told him so? My dad often said that he could have told me my middle name was Mudpie because how would I have know any better? Short answer-I wouldn’t until I learned to read and saw my birth certificate!

So maybe this post is less about destiny and determination, but more about trusting the source of our information. Surely if my friend had told Church Boy the same vision of his future wife, Church Boy would have scoffed, laughed and then asked him what he was dranking on. Just like if my friend Sally Lu from down the street had told me she knew my middle name was Mudpie I wouldn't have believed her for a second! I would have told her my middle name was Princess, and I was rubber and she was glue…so she was the Mudpie!

So the question of the day is…in this world of instantaneous gratification, internet, charlatans and photoshop how will we know who to believe and what we should believe in? I hope we aren't just destined to be fooled.

See You In Seven


Anonymous said...

I believe and trust in myself. I trust that I will marry the person who at the time best fits my life simply because that is what I plan on doing.

If we go by my expectations of myself when I was 18, I am a relationship, financial, and educational failure. I am 25 going on 26, still finishing a PhD, recently broken up with my gf, and still renting my place of residence. My expectation of myself was to have started paying a mortgage on a house, graduating with my PhD, and married by 26.

Now, am I really a failure? Ask me, I'd say yes. Ask other people, they might say no. So, why is it that because I'm 25 now, we can say, "don't worry kamakula, all in good time", but if it was 10 years from now, and I'm in some other part of my life, I now get labeled FAIL?

My take, nobody but the person whose life it is can determine whether things are going right or wrong. Looking on the outside, you might see a guy who is in his mid thirties, and looks on paper (to you and other people) like a good catch, then wonder why is he still single?

Well, there lies your mistake. You have judged him by your qualifications rather than by his own. Since we are talking about his singlehood, it is him who determines whether it is justified or not. Just because he is a catch for you, doesn't mean he has seen others that are a catch for him.

mint julep said...

really interesting post. i think kamakula hit it on the head. i think a person can think they are a catch but if they aren't caught yet, then [insert side eye here].

that he may be putting so much stock in this prophetess makes me go hmmmmmmm. really? ok then.

Rum Punch said...

Funny. I thought along the lines of Kamakula - well it was more about life in general. I think we all have our own oracles, prophets, and soothsayers - mainly in the form of parents and other "trusted" members of society. They may not tell you exactly who to marry (although some just may), but they might tell you to you need to go to college. Get a good gubment job. Buy a house. Don't have no babies by random nigs. And on. Some people will make sure their life fulfills these "visions". Others will stumble and maybe fulfill a few things on this list. And some will "fail" miserably. I think it's easy to be like, "well someone told me it would be this way." It ain't. So that must explain why things aren't working. Or maybe you need to have a vision for your own life. And make it so. Or something.