one mo'gin

photo courtesy of Karen Cunningham for the nytimes

i'm a big fan of the "come back around love". i don't know if that's what other people call it but in my head that's the perfect name for it. you know when two people meet, they click and everything just seems so right. but for whatever reason (timing, other loves, career commitments, fear) they can't make it work. and they part, looking longingly back down the road at one another.

but later down that road, maybe many years , marriages and kids later, they pass each other on the street, some things have changed, some's good, some for the bad, but seeing you reminds me of the precious times we had. she's unhappy and she miss the shit they used to do. he miss her smile, her mouth, her laughter, he never bumped into her kind before or after... that's the "come back around love." i think it's so romantic and i seem to find examples of it all the time.

enter michelle and david, this week's featured couple on the nytimes vows page:

these two met at 23 while taking a class together. she "just knew I was going to marry him.” he thought “[t]he passion was going at warp speed...[t]here was nothing more I could have wanted.” despite all the butterflies they didn't stay together.

Even so, he felt he was too young to settle down and suggested that they see other people.

A pained look appeared on her face. He said, “I remember walking away thinking: ‘You’re an idiot. This isn’t what you really want.’ But at that age you just keep walking.”

over the next few years after their initial meeting, they fell into an on-again, off-again pattern that ended in 1992 when she announced her engagement to someone else.

*cue jill scott*


"you know what this is, you knew what it was..."

or did he? sadness...

there in lies the risk of the "come back around love." as with michelle and david, either party can (and will) move on to someone else. she went on to flourish professionally as a marketing director and flounder personally through two failed marriages. he did the same, marrying once and having two sons. luckily for them, these relationships didn't work out and they found their way back to each other.

but reading their story made me think about all the drama that may be attached to the "come back around love." how much "back around" is too much? michelle ran through two marriages before they reconnected. it seems like they both had hard lives while they were away from each other. think about all the money spent on weddings, alimony, and such. what about all these young kids, the drama of blended families, the stress of being a stepparent. would they have been better off just trying to make it work when they first met? would they still be together if they hadn't taken the time to grow in between away from each other?

these are the questions, the questions, that's what it's all about...

in my heart i still like the idea of the "come back around love" although it clearly presents a world of problems. i'm a right now kinda girl so i don't think i'd have the patience to wait for a man to decide whether he wants to be with me. but it's still sweet. i'll still go awwww when a friend tells me about how she ran into him at homecoming last year and they fell right back into each other, like they did when they first met at market friday in '01. it makes for a good story, just like michelle and david. but at what cost?

what say you?

think on it as d'angelo sings...