WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.

SO LONG, FAREWELL...

The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, May 1, 2009

What's Your Girlfriend Got to Do With Me?

So, sometimes as a single person, you have to hear about the love lives of others. Sometimes, no make that most times, against your will. And sometimes, no make that often times these conversations make you want to kill yourself. Or if that’s too drastic, search for the nearest emergency exit you can rush through. Or start to fake stomach cramps so you can leave. Or just have the testicular fortitude to say, “no thank you to where this conversation is going” And then get up and walk away.

Now I’m not talking about when you and your friends get together to discuss current relationships, prospects, or lack of love, sex or anything in between. I’m talking about people, men in particular, who feel the need to flaunt their girlfriend in front of your face. For example…

I went to this cookout and I see this guy I used to date. We exchange that ‘what are you doing now’ banter. And for real, for real, we could have parted ways right there. Thrown up the deuces to one another and said, “see ya when I see ya.” But nooo… He hits me with, “so are you seeing anyone?” But it wasn't in that I’m interested kinda way. Let’s do this one mo’gin type of way. It was more in the way a little kid has a huge secret about somebody that they just HAVE to share with the first person they see. They just can’t hold it any longer. But they wanna make you guess what it is. And you just don’t want to play that game.

“Noooo. Not seeing anyone right now,” I drag out. And then. Long pause. We stand there looking at each other for a few seconds. And then inevitably, I feel/think that to be polite, I should probably ask him this question back. Because sometimes I'm ignorant and I don't reciprocate a question. And people be gettin all mad and stuff. On some, 'don't you wanna know about me?' Sigh. I guess...
“So. Are you dating anyone?”
“Why yes. I have a girlfriend.”
“Really? That’s nice.” Inner monologue: Ok. I should ask him a question about her. Shouldn’t I? But what should I ask? Why do I care? Wait a minute. Is he talking right now? About her? What is he saying? I should probably pay attention, so I can ask follow up questions. There may be a pop quiz. She may be here later tonight and he'll introduce us. And I can't ask her questions if he's already told me stuff about her... Oh shyt. He’s still talking. About her. I should focus. Oh who is that guy? He looks kinda cute. Hmmm... My drink is geting low. I need another. But he's still talking. Why are all these bugs around me? They are gonna tear me up. I should focus. Focus. Focus. Right now...
“Yeah she’s ………….. etc., etc., etc. And she's also. ........ And she's from.... And we met ..... And we've been dating since ....” And I sat and sipped my vodka and pineapple and cried on the inside.

Have you ever seen that Sex and the City when Sarah Jessica Parker aka Carrie first meets Jack Berger. And they have instant “chemistry.” And then when she asks him to escort her to her book signing, he says, “sorry my girlfriend’s parents are coming into town.” Shock and awe. So when she gathers with her friends, she’s like “how come he didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend? I hate when guys don’t tell you right away!” And Samantha says, “yeah but you don’t wanna find out too soon. I hate when they’re all, ‘I have a girlfriend.’ Calm down I just asked if that seat was taken!”

Church, synagogue! Check it. True story. I went to my cousin’s 30th birthday party. I saw this guy from high school. I said, “what’s up, Wesley?* How’s life of a grown up?” We commiserate briefly. And then silence. Which is totally cool with me cause I'm only still standing here cause I’m waiting for the bartender to bring me my drank.** And then he says, “Yeah. My girlfriend couldn’t come tonight because she had to do something for school.” Yes it really went like that. Yes there really was no segue. Yes I really just stood there and was like, “uh ok. Good to see you.” Inner monologue: Where the hell is my stoli and sprite? Ahh here it is. Now, don't say anything else to him. Don't even look him in the eye. Don't smile or nod. Just walk away. Right. Now.

I am perplexed. I don’t mind people wanting to talk about their love. I mean maybe if I were in a relationship, I too would shout it from the mountaintops. At this point, if and when I get a man, I will probably stop people on the street and be like, “yo. Let me tell you about my man. He is the absolute greatest. No, don't walk away. I have to tell you abot the cutest thing he did last night!!" And then follow them until they pull out their cell phones to call the police.

But a la Carrie Bradshaw, I wonder, are men rapidly telling me (and other women) about their girlfriends because they don’t trust themselves or because they don’t want me/us to push up on them? Is it like let me put this out in the atmosphere so all parties involved are clear about what can and cannot happen, before she seduces me, gives me a lap dance, offers to suck my dyck, tells me she wants to marry me, have my babies and run my bath every night, and then it’ll be way too late to tell her I have girlfriend… Or maybe they are really telling themselves, cause they see something they might could like, and they gotta remind themselves, "oh yeah I got a girlfriend." And they just happen to say it aloud.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I know that I have no interest in these guys, so I’m like ‘you ain’t got to worry bout me trying to get with you.' I do remember this guy I was crushing on hoard told me (seemingly) way too late that he had a girlfriend. And I was slightly devastated at the time. But now I rather appreciate it. I mean we had good conversations and it wasn’t until I showed my hand that he let me know what he was holding.

If he had told me off the break, I probably wouldn’t have even really conversed with him. I mean if he's off limits, why waste my time? Yes, that's how I get down. I mean we can make small talk, but there's no sense in putting on my Rum Punch ballet, tap and jazz show if you're not going to fully appreciate it. But this guy and I had great convo. He made me laugh. And when he told me he was with somebody, I thought, "of course. That woman ain't no fool. You're a great catch!" And then I kept it moving. But maybe too many women don't do that. And mayhap that's the problem...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*Name has been changed to protect the foolish
** I really don't drink as much as this post implies... Or do I?

8 comments:

Intrepidblackman said...

In the context you describe, men "show off" their new girlfriend as a defense mechanism. He is basically saying I'm alright, look I got another one.

The Ink said...

Let me first say that I enjoy all five of you immensely. Im also a bit (read: considerably) older, but thats neither here nor there.


Men are curious creatures. Usually men name drop an SO in lieu of Making a play. Its intended to be basic shorthand for "Im not trying to push up on you but i am enjoying having this conversation." Unless they are douchebags and its shorthand for "I have no intentions on marrying you but we can step out to the car real quick if you want."

Youll get a little of that too.

I dont think its a matter of flossing a significant other so much as it is about getting ones status out of the way in order to focus the intention of the conversation...either way as evidenced by my above translations.

Rum Punch said...

@ Intrepid - Ok I could totally understand that w/ the first example - since he and I had actually dated. And I'm sure the undercurrent was, "Ha ha. I'm not alone. Are you?" But w/ the 2nd example, that was just weirdness. I was really just like, "oh hey dude whose face is familiar cause we're both standing here at the bar..." And then out of nowhere he's all, "yeah my girlfriend." I was like uh have I been drinking that much? Were we talking about that. Oh well...

@ The Ink - Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy us! And LOL @ stepping out to the car real quick. Thanks for providing missing pieces to the puzzle. Now, that totally makes sense. Now, I'll just laugh on the inside (instead of crying) when this goes down again. And it will go down. Le sigh...

Courvoisier said...

@ The Ink - THANKS!

@ Rummy Punch... of course you drink as much as your post implies. Did you forget your name? (chuckle)

I really don't know what to say here. You got me stumped... but I am with Sam. I don't want to know that mess right away because I sure as hell ain't sure I want to be your girlfriend based on a brief conversation. Give me a minute dude... how about we meet up with our friends at a few HH before we go solo. I guess I am not an impulse buyer.

But when we do get to that moment of truth, I feel like I am pulling teeth. (sigh)

Rum Punch said...

@ Courvoisier - Lol. Yes, I do like to live up to my name and drink my rum punches. Well I think that when you're interested in someone, it's always good to get the relationship stuff out of the way. Especially if there's clear interest on both sides. No need to beat around the bush. But if you're just making what I like to call smoker's small talk about the weather and how work sucks, then I really don't need you to put up an electric fence around you by saying 'I have a girlfriend.' But the men have made things clearer, so I shant complain any longer... Lol.

Bellini said...

@Ink: thanks, again! (oh, and age ain't nothin' but a number!)

@ev'ryone: Rummy is definitely portrayed accurately -- i mean i'm cracking up at her candor in the colored font; folks Rummy can zone you out in seconds and not mean it and back in the day Rummy cound drank some straight liquor (she's tamped down on the al-al-al-alcohol (LOL)

@Rummy: don't kill me! love you.

@5spot: wez gonna have a good time in the Chi -- laughter all weekend!

kamakula said...

Sometimes it's brought up as a guy's way of saying "I'm enjoying this conversation and I want to continue it without there being any confusion as to why I'm still chatting with you".

If it is some random guy, then it could be because women tend not to approach random guys unless they are actively pursuing them so the guy just needs to establish that there will be non-such going on.

Rum Punch said...

@ Bellini - LOL! LOL! You silly...But you're also telling the truth...

@ Kamakula - OK! See I can dig it. You men folk have really helped me out with this one. Oh the power of the internets...