Dressed to Impress

Sometimes, when I’m walking down the street taking in the sights, I see a lady wearing an outfit that gives me pause. And I pause because it is not the type of outfit that is urbanely put together. It is not the type of outfit that I covet, or one that I would see in today’s fashion magazines. It’s the type of outfit that causes me to ask if this chick has any friends. Not girls she happens to know, but friends, true friends who don’t sugarcoat but will call her out and hold her accountable. And a friend would do that, because a genuine friend is a person who has your best interest at heart and in mind. A friend would have pulled over the 28 chick who loves to wear bright spandex pants and tiny baby tees when she always looks pregnant that looser material would best suit her body type and insist that she change her clothes! And 28 is her size by the way, not her age!

No matter how PC America gets let’s not play ourselves into thinking that it’s what’s on the inside that always counts. We all know that it doesn’t. Especially not when you first meet people and they have no idea that you have a great personality and have willed your entire fortune to an African orphanage. I’m not just talking about how important your appearance is in getting a job, duh we know that! I’m talking about on the relationship level! Ask any dude about his initial impressions about a woman, and sure enough he’ll mention something about her appearance. Not just the T&A, the waist ratio or even the cute face factors. But dudes notice what she wore and how she carried herself. I think Mr. David Chappelle said it best when attempting to explain the thoughts of men…okay you are not a whore, but you do have on the uniform!
Um can the preacher get an Amen and maybe a boom chaka laka?! So chick don’t be mad when he just calls you for the booty!

So why, when I entered the good District of Columbia in hopes to find something to eat last night, did I spy a woman standing at the bus stop wearing a leopard print sleeveless top? This was cool cause it warm out and animal print in moderation is fashionable. But then she had the nerve to have on some school bus yellow spandex pants with a burnout cheetah print! Lawd have mercy upon us! I know that you good readers of the 5 spot have no idea the image I have in my mind as I type this from my desk. And really it’s hard for me to find the adjectives that aptly describe this woman’s assemble, but trust me the vision was enough to drive a person Oedipal, at least the eye gouging part. The image was enough that I am forgoing doing work to type about it!

When I realized that woman, who was fearfully and wonderfully made was going for a wild animal theme I wondered WTF? She was not a small woman, nor a very young woman, or a woman just going out to pick up the newspaper from her front stoop. Who she was trying to attract? Surely not a man with some sense, job, bank account or even all his teeth! But the question truly was, where in the world where her friends? Even if birds of a feather do flock together, she was just extra wrong enough for someone to have said something to her…even if it were merely a girl stop!

And these wrong-n-extra chicks are everywhere! And I’m confused if they are really confident or just so low on self esteem that it just don’t matter no mo!

Last month, Rum, Dark & Stormy, Courvoisier and I were at a night establishment, enjoying some music and chicken wings…when this 28 girl walked in wearing a short, short short Catholic school pleated skirt, pink polo tee and a backpack purse! After we got past the wrongness of the outfit we parked ourselves at the fact that who wears backpack purses in 2009 who are over the age of 12 and when it ain’t designer? The answer is NO ONE! But backpack purse aside I was mad at her friend. The one who was more decently dressed, the one who was encouraging her girl to get all extra low with it, so at times goodies where displayed to the masses. I was mad at the friend who kind of chuckled like the rest of us when her friend went past having a good time and was pretty much the fool of the night!

And now I wonder, what kind of friend does that?

See You In Seven