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Thursday, June 25, 2009

some things i thought i'd never do

for the last few days, black women have been buzzing about jill scott's latest revelation: she's a single mom. jill and drummer boy have called it quits.

some folks wonder was it all just a show? was the good love, the engagement, and the matching tatts just a smokescreen for the baby. let the comments on essence.com tell it, some women are mad as hell. how could she do it? didn't she say, "I can even raise the child we'll make, make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us, I can teach him how to walk and stand but he needs you to help him be a man, we need you."

or did she?

wasn't that just in a song she wrote? for our entertainment and encouragement. was it the real real truth? did jill scott deep down in her soul tell herself that she'd never be somebody's baby's mama? or did folks just see jill, all natural and glowing, luxuriously voluptuous, empowered and independent, all mother earthish and assume that "she knew better." that a woman who could write lyrics that seemed to express exactly how a woman was feeling would never get caught out there thinking she loved somebody, wanted to be with him for the rest of her life and then end up raising his child alone.

just look to e. badu for guidance. 3 babies from 3 baby's daddies. "i dont take nothin that [chic] say to heart, not like im better, just that we all full of contradictions." (c) rum punch.

contradictions indeed...

as women age and divorce and have desires for babies, we _________ [fill in some word that doesn't have compromise's negative connotations].

we mellow
we grow
we change what we want and desire.
hell, we compromise.
cause we probably started off from some unrealistic black knight in shining armor place.
we make mistakes.
we realize that love is complex as hell and that relationships take work
and we decide whether we will or will not be bothered
or if we'd just rather have the baby, please and thanks...

how far away from your "I'd never do...'s" have you gotten? for the good or for the bad?


Rum Punch said...

Yeah from some of the comments, it seems like people think jill let us down. Like women are looking to her to be that example of a woman who has found real, true,all encompassing, foreva, eva love. We all remember Lyzel in E flat don't we? Don't tell me you ain't think that was the shyt and wanted to love or be loved like that. Lol.

But it seems since Jill has said herself she never thought she could get pregnant, then got pregnant - for her this child is a true blessing. And if lil drummer boy ain't ready then she presses on. And I think that's how many women feel. Like we got our bags packed, we in the car, we waiting on you. Oh you ain't ready? Well lemme just hop in the driver's seat....

Bellini said...

@minty: i really didn't think you'd take the challenge (lol) and post your two cents and whatnot... folks need to leave jilly alone and realize being human is a complicated situation and if folks have been to Jilly's concerts then you know she keeps it 100% and i hate to sound cliche, but it is what it is.!?

Rum Punch said...

@ Bellini - Well I don't know - I think this is where things get sticky and different standards are set - cause if Jill were Jillquisha from the block w/ a man who already had kids from another chick,he was a "traveling" musician, she had his name tatted on the side of her neck, and then popped out his baby and they split soon after - we'd be lookin at Jillquisha sideways. Like girl don't you know no better? And if she was all, "Y'all know how I do though, I keep it 100 everyday at my job at Target." Would that make a difference? I'm just saying.

Anonymous said...

Jilly from Philly is human. Being human means that you are guaranteed to face disappointments in life. Why are some so quick to throw stones and cast judgment on others? Let her live and enjoy her new role as mother to her son.

Bellini said...

@rummy: oh, why must we go there.?.however i do know where you're coming from. 'cuz after her divorce we found out she was w/ drummer boy and i figured this is her liberated love, maybe her marriage felt confining and then the tats came -- & i thought to myself @ least get the tats after the marriage (but jilly was probably like been there, done that)... so you're right had it been Jillquisha shit would've been different, but it's jilly and the context is different or is it? @ least i think it's different, but what does bellini know after all?

Rum Punch said...

@ Bellini - Tats and liberating love aside, I really don't know. I am merely pointing out life's inconsistencies. It seems to me that people want to divide and classify. Either we are all human and we alll make mistakes and everyone should get some level of empathy/sympathy/understanding. As opposed to us "forgiving", "excusing", letting certain people slide cause they got a little money and can raise that baby on their own anyway or cause they sing from their soul and seem to understand human emotions and keep it 100 and as fans we understand that she's human too. This is not to say that Jill Scott's choices are any of my business or that I don't wish her the best - it just all makes me chuckle when people start breaking it down...