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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

cyberage affairs??

Last night, I decided to read my latest edition of Upscale magazine. And 2/3of the way thru the magazine (pg. 79) I land on "Love & Marriage – In these techno-times, are you really committing adultery if it’s only online"? Hmmmmm…

So, the article discusses an LA couple scheduled to be wed in a few weeks. And the fiancée came home one night to find her fiancé asleep with his cell phone crouched in his hand. The fiancée goes on to say, “His work cell phone was on the night stand, where it always is… But his personal cell phone was physically in the bed with him… Why on earth would he fall asleep in bed on the phone?”

red flag

“The fiancée’s senses were tingling. She thought about waking him up and confronting him. Instead, she slipped the phone out of his hand, went into the bathroom and checked his text messages.”

“He’s been sending sexy text messages to a coworker for months… We’re getting married in two weeks. And he’s sex-texting a coworker?!”

damn

So, in the cyberage is this what we have to contend with?

I’m a firm believer of how you go into a marriage sets the bar for a marriage.

I don’t know if the couple underwent marriage counseling? But if they hadn’t should they call of the wedding? Should she continue with the specter of doubt, knowing the behavior can become an abomination?

The article goes on to say, “We live in a new world. And the days of affairs taking place in motels and restaurants on the other side of town are over. Adultery can happen with nothing but the constant motion of thumbs on a keypad.”

cue D’angelo with the “Shit, D@mn, Muthafucka!”


cheers,

Bellini

11 comments:

Amaretto said...

I could see how this dude could claim that he wasn't cheating. But more importantly he has issues with honesty and commitment!

I agree with you-it is foolish to think that a marriage license and/or a wedding will change a person's behavior once you call them your husband or wife. I think she should call him on it and if he's like what's the problem, she should call off the wedding.

Was this article saying that in the new cyber world we should accept or make allowences for this type of behavior? Change our definitions of cheating? Please! I would rather live when we thought the world was flat!

Rum Punch said...

Whaaaat?!? I fall asleep with my phone crouched in my hand all the time. Lol. Or not.

Well seek and ye shall find. Two wrongs don't make a right. Curiosity killed the cat. And other cliches. She musta been thought something was up for her to be all investigative journalist.

Oh how I long for the days when men had to get clever with their affairs and you had to hire private detectives to catch 'em. At least that makes things interesting. This is just so lazy and wack. And this is where that sarcasm font would come in handy...

Bellini said...

@amaretto: i feel you, the only impression i got from the article is that the situation needs to be dealt with ASAP... and you know ever since your First black president (tee hee)skirted the definition of impropriety, we've been on a slippery slope ever since.

@rummy: actually i don't think there was anything wrong with the fiancee's behavior, if my man is holding his cell phone in a fetal position while he's sleep and it's not be'cuz we had prior communication, i'm going to be worried too; however if said fiancee is compelled to surreptiously explore his cell phone -- that ish is problematic... and has technology made us that stupid and lazy where the cheats ain't clever wit they shit no more; you remember back in the day before 9/11 when you could reserve/purchase plane tix w/o folks info and lovebirds could travel to the Swiss Alps under codeword: business, and spouses had no clue... i'm telling cue D'angelo!

Sevesteen said...

I suppose that technically I would not call that cheating, but it is seriously dishonest. I would be almost certain to postpone the wedding at least--two weeks is not nearly enough time to figure out if this is forgivable.

Rum Punch said...

Say whaat? Well make this reason #122 of why I'm still single. And I now long for the pre- cell phone, pre-cordless days, when it was one house phone witht he tangled cord in the kitchen. For real, I don't think that my mind would have gone to he must be cheatin' on me cause he fell asleep with the phone in his hand. Unless I had other doubts. And so I think that she needed a "reason" to confirm her susipicions. And then she was correct. And me thinks that takes you into shaky ground because if/when the confrontation comes, you have to come clean about what you've done - which to me suggests even bigger problems which include, but are not limited to: mistrust, lack of communication, invasion of "privacy", etcetera, etcetera...

Bellini said...

@rummy: i don't think she suspected cheating -- at least the impression i had that something was wrong (i.e. emergency)and that's why he kept the phone so close; so i think as a proper fiancee should she checked the phone be'cuz he was sound asleep, her attempt to verify that everything was ok... and then she's worried about some emergency and she found out a cyberaffair had been going on... which i believe is not what she was looking for nor suspected.

Rum Punch said...

Hmmm... Well maybe I need to read the article for context clues because to me it stands to reason that if it were an "emergency", he would have let her know somehow, someway - seeing as how we have all this new fangled technology. And I ask if she thought it was an emergency - what did she expect to glean from going through his phone- a message that said, "I KNOW I'M ASLEEP BUT I'M HAVING AN EMERGENCY!!! THANKS FOR GOING THROUGH MY PHONE TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S OK. PLEASE NOTICE THE MULTIPLE CALLS I MADE TO MY MAMA!!" That may be her justification now that she done found what she done found, but for me I don't believe her, she needs more people.

mint julep said...

rum punch youse a fool. i agree. aint no reason for her to go through that phone just cause it's clutched in his hand. i dun feel asleep plenty a times wit my phone in my hand and a ninja bet not take it out my grasp and start going thru my messages. downright disrespectful. she got that phone cause she was either a nosey sumthin sumthin or cause she had suspicions that he was treatin. either way she was just as wrong as he was for sexting.

Localicious said...

idk...i mean yeah, homegirl cld've been had suspicions and him fallin asleep like that just feed into that insecurity. BUT cld it be that her good ol' women's intuition kicked in & she went with it? how many times have u been in a situation that shldn't've raised ur suspicions but did? and then when u followed ur suspicions, u realized they were justified? i'm just sayin :-)

regardless of why she checked his phone, the end result is indisputable. homeboy messed up big time by sexting chickie and then KEEPING said texts. i need ppl stop keepin evidence of their wrong doing so easily accessible! clearly they need to cancel the weddin, b/c it's never too late until u say 'i do'!

Bellini said...

@rummy & minty: clearly we're not seeing eye 2 eye... i mean if she read 20 texts b4 she got to the steamy messages,then yes she was fishin' 4 sumthing, but if she she got to text #3 - you can't blame her for that? imo

@localicious: 'nuff said! but how many women will have divine intervention and yet ignore or ride out the situation and then find themselves to be bitter ass women when it's all said and done...

Rum Punch said...

I mean I guess but I liken this to reading someones email just cause they left it up. But what do I know. I grew up in a different kinda household where my dad would come home from the hospital and show my mom the numbers he got. And they would laugh about it. So candor and sharing is how they got down. So that's why for me she is doin the most. But then again I'm single.