and then i got the most bitchassedness text message today. kirk tells me he doesn't have time to date, despite my being smart, funny, very attractive, and well just great, he hopes we can remain friends.jigga what?!?!? jigga who does that? by text no less. my guy friend said i told you so and my sistafriends said you didn't want to date him anyway. but that's besides the point. how you gone have time to be friends but not have time to date? riddle me that. part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish but part of me thinks he's lying. but for why? was he just not feeling a sista? was he intimidated? was he really just that damn busy? or not ready to follow through on plans to meet? not that i'll be losing any sleep over it for these are the days of my life as a single lady. but still...who does that?
well kirk is back at it again. since his grace-less bow out, kirk has been randomly texting and calling me about every couple of weeks, attempting small talk about the weather, his work, and baby kittens: all manner of generic things you talk about with someone you seemingly never want to see naked.
then my life became like an episode of how i met your mother. my co-worker called me: listen up i got a story to tell. [insert the black flashback screen that reads "a couple days ago..."]. at a training session, my co-worker met a woman, we'll call her lois lane, who will be interning at our office this summer. lois lane asked my co-worker, you know this woman named mint julep? she works in your office. co-worker replies of course. why do you ask? lois lane says i want to work with mint julep for the summer and solicits my co-worker's help in hooking her up with me for the summer.
[insert co-worker's mean side-eye here]
co-worker questions lois lane about why she's so thirsty for a drink of the minty freshness. and out comes the craziness. apparently lois lane is good friends with captain kirk. he has confided in her how much he was/is/will forever be feeling me. he's shared with her how perfect i was for him and how he feels like he blew his chance with me. but he believes that if she can talk him up to me during the summer his window of opportunity might re-open. so her plan is to drop little hints about how great he is during her internship.
boy stop! girl bye!
[flashback to the present and me laughing into the phone at the super-weirdness that my life has become.]
i can just imagine kirk sitting up in his room all alone at night harboring feelings for me holding his pillow tight, coming up with this master plan. i feel a little vindicated that his whole "let's just be friends" thing was a great big ball of stage fright. but it's also really weird to me that he's doing the most trying to get next to me when he had many a chance to do so already. and kinda sorta pretty much fucked that allllllll the way up. or not. theoretically he still has an opportunity if he comes at a sista on the real real, in a grand gesture-like standing up on a counter in the middle of fall carnival kinda way. let me get another chance to make you love me girl. but alas, he's taken the lemme play mind games on you approach.
i thought only females plotted and schemed for hours on end to perfectly time the exact second mr. quarterback walks past her in the hallway to drop that chemistry book at his feet and do her best bend and snap. it feels a little like
truth about cats and dogs or sleepless in seattle or that random episode of girlfriends (shouts to rum punch).
and again i say who does that?