pick a lane

picture courtesy of crucktastical's side-eye fever

I like to think of myself as a pretty laid back person but nothin gets on my last nerve more than indecisive people. More specifically indecisive women. And mainly my fellow sistahs (you been on my mind).

Like my acquaintance "Monesha". She's one of those sisterfriends who won't decide what she doing until she know what you doing too. Minty: Monesha you want a daiquiri? Monesha: ummmm, are you getting one too? Minty: don't worry bout me, do you want a daiquiri or not?

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing burns me more than when you ask somebody what they want to do and they say "I don't care" "it don't matter" "its whatever" when they soooo do, it clearly does and its only actually one thing. Its like they don't wanna pick a lane but goad you into making a decision and get all stank and funky about the choice you make.

Case in point 2: me and a couple friends (Monesha included) were headed home from a late night concert a few weeks ago. Everybody wanted something to eat but we preferred non-fast food. So as the driver, I stopped by a couple places that fit the criteria but being that it was a Sunday night we had no luck. Finally after hitting 3 spots with no success I proclaimed that fast food it shall be. However since we'd had Micky D's a couple nights before I made sure to check and see if every body in the car was straight with We.ndy's.

Minty: everybody cool wit We.ndy's?
Girl 1: sure, that's cool.
Monesha: that's fine wit me.
We proceed to the drive-thru.
Minty places her order. Check.
Girl 1 places her order. Check.
Minty asks Monesha what she want .....
Monesha: "Nothing. I don't care for We.ndy's."

Say what now!?!
Then why in the hell did you say it was fine not 5 seconds beforehand? Really! I want an answer. I'll wait.

And that's just the kinda "bitch please" look I gave her out the corner of my eye.

Wit yo non-decision makin ass!

And this is why I have like 2 friends and can only travel and kick it wit grown folks.

wanna get next to you

ya'll remember kirk? he's the dude i went out with that one time after many a false start and then he friend-zoned me on the slick. let me take you back...

and then i got the most bitchassedness text message today. kirk tells me he doesn't have time to date, despite my being smart, funny, very attractive, and well just great, he hopes we can remain friends.

jigga what?!?!? jigga who does that? by text no less. my guy friend said i told you so and my sistafriends said you didn't want to date him anyway. but that's besides the point. how you gone have time to be friends but not have time to date? riddle me that. part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish but part of me thinks he's lying. but for why? was he just not feeling a sista? was he intimidated? was he really just that damn busy? or not ready to follow through on plans to meet? not that i'll be losing any sleep over it for these are the days of my life as a single lady. but still...who does that?

well kirk is back at it again. since his grace-less bow out, kirk has been randomly texting and calling me about every couple of weeks, attempting small talk about the weather, his work, and baby kittens: all manner of generic things you talk about with someone you seemingly never want to see naked.

then my life became like an episode of how i met your mother. my co-worker called me: listen up i got a story to tell. [insert the black flashback screen that reads "a couple days ago..."]. at a training session, my co-worker met a woman, we'll call her lois lane, who will be interning at our office this summer. lois lane asked my co-worker, you know this woman named mint julep? she works in your office. co-worker replies of course. why do you ask? lois lane says i want to work with mint julep for the summer and solicits my co-worker's help in hooking her up with me for the summer.

[insert co-worker's mean side-eye here]

co-worker questions lois lane about why she's so thirsty for a drink of the minty freshness. and out comes the craziness. apparently lois lane is good friends with captain kirk. he has confided in her how much he was/is/will forever be feeling me. he's shared with her how perfect i was for him and how he feels like he blew his chance with me. but he believes that if she can talk him up to me during the summer his window of opportunity might re-open. so her plan is to drop little hints about how great he is during her internship.

boy stop! girl bye!

[flashback to the present and me laughing into the phone at the super-weirdness that my life has become.]

i can just imagine kirk sitting up in his room all alone at night harboring feelings for me holding his pillow tight, coming up with this master plan. i feel a little vindicated that his whole "let's just be friends" thing was a great big ball of stage fright. but it's also really weird to me that he's doing the most trying to get next to me when he had many a chance to do so already. and kinda sorta pretty much fucked that allllllll the way up. or not. theoretically he still has an opportunity if he comes at a sista on the real real, in a grand gesture-like standing up on a counter in the middle of fall carnival kinda way. let me get another chance to make you love me girl. but alas, he's taken the lemme play mind games on you approach.

i thought only females plotted and schemed for hours on end to perfectly time the exact second mr. quarterback walks past her in the hallway to drop that chemistry book at his feet and do her best bend and snap. it feels a little like truth about cats and dogs or sleepless in seattle or that random episode of girlfriends (shouts to rum punch).

and again i say who does that?

the intimidation factor

so a couple weeks ago i  met a guy.  let's call him kirk.  he seemed nice enough.  a couple years younger than me, but he had a professional degree and a stable job.  not that i get wet over such things, just sayin'.  he was pleasant enough to talk to and a self-described nerd.  he was quite tubby (read: fat) but i figured i'd keep an open mind since i'm no america's next top model.  i'd be toccarra, phabulously fierce!

 

now before our first official "date", i did a little recon. i found out that a really good guy friend of mine went to grad school with kirk so i asked my friend about him.  he gave me the 411 and then asked why i wanted to know.  when i told my friend that i was going to be meeting kirk for a "date" he laughed and said "nah homie, can't sign off on that one.  he's not on your level." 

i was flattered and thanked my friend for his insight but didn't cancel drinks with kirk.  i couldn't let one person's assessment prevent me from finding out more about kirk beyond his stats, right?.  so i accepted kirk's invite for after work drinks.  as i was leaving work to meet kirk, he contacted me to cancel.  work ran late.  i suggested lunch on saturday instead and he agreed.  saturday came and the noon hour passed with no word from kirk.  around 3, he called to explain.  lost cell phone, didn't have your number, found cell phone, apologies, blah blah blah.  

ummmm ok.  i started to see what my friend meant.  but being the nice gal that i am, i gave kirk one mo' chance, biggie, biggie you get one mo' chance. and so we finally had dinner the following thursday.  and kirk was aight.  not fantastic, not horrible, but aight. we had a nice pleasant dinner with some interesting conversation and at the end of the night, i figured i might have made a new friend.  

and then the cycle started all over again.  kirk suggested we get drinks after work on monday and then proceeded to pull an "oh never mind" an hour before we were supposed to meet.  in the next breathe he suggested dinner the next night.  by now i'd had enough.  i sweetly but firmly told kirk that i'd rather not make any future plans to meet until he could get over his case of the flakes.  i asked him not to suggest any more "dates" unless he knew he could keep them.  

and then i got the most bitchassedness text message today.  kirk tells me he doesn't have time to date, despite my being smart, funny, very attractive, and well just great, he hopes we can remain friends.

jigga what?!?!?  jigga who does that?  by text no less.  my guy friend said i told you so and my sistafriends said you didn't want to date him anyway.  but that's besides the point.  how you gone have time to be friends but not have time to date?  riddle me that.  part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish but part of me thinks he's lying.  but for why?  was he just not feeling a sista?  was he intimidated?  was he really just that damn busy?  or not ready to follow through on plans to meet?  not that i'll be losing any sleep over it for these are the days of my life as a single lady.  but still...who does that?

 

what say ya'll?

Black and Bitter Sweet?

One our readers asked us to comment on the Washington Post article, here is my response in true men-on-film-with-a-hint-of-monique-l-o-v-e.

Hel-lo…I am Courvoisier 2010, also known as Crazy Chic at times and this week I am going to say a lil’ something on the Bitch is the new Black.

URGH!

(deep sigh)

OV-ER IT!

Baa-by! I could go on and on about the issues that I have with this view of black women but I just can’t do it this morning, Shhhug-ar! I just don’t have the strength.

But I will say this…

1. NO woman has it all together. First assumption out the gate that we need to get rid of! Are there some women who have it a little more together than others… YES Baaaa-by! Yes! I would like to think I am one of them. (chuckle)

Second, does this make us GREAT mates? Not necessarily.

There is something ugly and stank (yes... I said stank) about women who think because they have it together financially, that they are together emotionally. That goes for black, white, green and purple people. Unlike this author and the ladies on the dateline special.... my circle of friends doesn't only consist of lonely, single black ladies looking for a man. Seems like these ladies aren't really living. They dibble dabbling doing all the finer things in life but are they making true human connections? Just curious.

Dating is difficult across the board, this is true. But how about we start with who we are, what we TRULY like and enjoy before venture out into the world of what we want in a mate. Most women don't know that until the late 20s and early (so I have been told). I almost want to say especially for sistas whose first goal and purpose in life is to be financial secure and achieve some sort of success. Note, this only my personal opinion but very few of us go to college to find ourselves. (chuckle)

And before I get heated... I am still waiting for these women to describe themselves without mentioning their 9 to 5 or past accomplishments. (snap, snap!)

Much luv until... next week peace :)

P.S. I will BE checking out the movie though because she does have a point worth hearing.

B*TCHASSNESS IS ALIVE AND WELL...

So, I have to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming 'cuz folks want to act a fucking fool. So, my musings on the economy will have to come another day, my thoughts on the parameters set on the presidential debates must be delayed -- why you might ask??? Well, Bellini just had an encounter with a BITCH and her ASSNESS do tell Bellini, do tell...yes, I must oblige you!

So, after an eventful day of a workshop, business lunch, and other typical work-related events... I'm driving home. Now, in my neighborhood (across from a park) where the little league teams are in full effect, spectators tend to park on my street. That's cool, but what ain't cool is when a fuckin' fool initiated to park and then chose otherwise, u-turns and situates her car diagonally--thereby splitting the road in half... and utters "Move BITCH."

Bellini's got your bitch.

So, I tell the stupid heffa "BACK UP." She retorts that I should. Well, I put the cark in PARK. And parked, I did. She mumbles, I ain't scare of you. silence is muthafuckin' golden I decide to take the time to decompress and follow-up on messages I had received during the day... "You ain't got to call nobody," she quips. Little does the bitch know, I'm a grown fuckin' woman and I don't feel the need to respond to anything she has to say. Upon, the dumb bitch realizin' that I wasn't going to move... she decides to pull off. Not before I give her ass the finger.

Folks, I'm really not petty, but Lawd pity this fool--'cuz Bellini ain't the one. Don't fret folks, everything is cool, 'cuz I'm here typing this just for you. I just hate to inform you. . .
B*TCHASSNESS IS ALIVE AND WELL...damn

And to think Puff was actually on to something.

cheers,

Bellini