Living In Fantasy Land

What’s up Courvoisier? I’m thinking we should get together and do a mural.

Cool that sounds good! When do you want to meet?

Some time next week.

Okay so next week came and went along with an additional three weeks. But we finally meet a month later and there is no real progress made. Hmm…okay.

So let’s meet up again?

Sure, in three more weeks? (chuckle)

Nah, before that hopefully.

Okay…so next week came and went along with an additional three weeks. (Yup, you read that twice because it happened twice.)

This is when the whole thing becomes hilarious to me. Those who know me know I am not one to do a whole lot of talking about what I am about to do, kind of just get on with doing it. I talk to plan and prioritize my actions.

So in between these meet and greets I am thinking let’s exchange some emails. Part take in a little virtual brainstorming, but oh-no that can't work if you don't respond to the email. Am I missing something? You asked me to get together. Are you serious? Or is this just a fantasy?

I keep thinking maybe it is me. Maybe I am too productive. I really don't see the point in us talking about what we will do and when. So I shall entertain a different notion.

Let's say this is a fantasy. The idea of painting this mural with my help is a place of comfort. You don't actually have to do anything. All you have to do, is when life gets too much to handle, call me up and ask to meet. We won't actually have a focused conversation nor will we decide on the next steps. But some how at the end of the day you will have contributed to this dream.

I don't really understand and I am not sure that I ever will. Dreams that are not pursued seem to frustrate me. I know that times are hard and your recent layoff couldn't have come at a worst time, but just think of all the free time you have to pursue this dream. I am not saying spend all day working on it but you do have more time on your hands now. However if you insist, I will be there as your friend regardless of the excuse you use. Just understand I can't help you fulfill your dreams...if you are not willing to pursue them and make the necessary sacrifice.

Shall we meet up again, in say three weeks? (chuckle)

Much luv until next week...peace :)

Steady on the grind...

It goes nine to the noon
Break
One to the five
Everybody say: wake up, work, sleep.

-Office Manager’s Anthem, The Remnant, aka my Morehouse brother and his friends

So I’ve been in the workforce for a whole two years. And I’m tired already. I mean, I'm wo' out. Ok before you think that I’ve never worked a day in my life, by workforce I mean a 9-5, gotta commute to work on the train at the same time as everybody else, get a real lunch break, an office (Praise Him!) and benefits job.

Prior to joining the workforce, I was a waitress and a bartender. I usually worked the night shift, which left me with mornings of watching Golden Girls, afternoons of going to the post office and the grocery store with the old people and days off in the middle of the week. Ahhhh the good life. But for appearances sake, (and my resume) I finally grew up and joined the workforce. And I don’t hate it. But I’m tired. Why? Because I have my own dreams and aspirations and it seems like there are not enough hours in the day.

For the first time in my life I am doing something for me. I have a dream that is all mine, and it’s not something that my parents “encouraged” me to do or instilled in me, like going to college or working. It’s what I want to do. And I want to see it to the finish line. But there’s fear. Which I’m working to overcome. There’s doubt. Which I’m not letting stop me. And there are not enough hours in the day. Which I have no control of.

I have two major goals for 2008, actually I have a slogan: Getting tight and committed to write. So, in layman’s terms, workout (consistently) and write my novel. Well it’s almost April and I’m proud to report: so far, so good. I’ve been doing boot camp at 5:30 in the morning and I am taking an African dance class with my sights on starting yoga in April. I am taking two writing classes and trying to become a more disciplined writer. I am steady on the grind. And I’m exhausted.

Cause did I mention that I also have to go to work? For 9+ hours a day. And be on time. And do work, work to get paid. And still find energy to do what I want to do. And volunteer at church. And make time to have some fun with friends. And get my eyebrows and toes done on the regular. And try to read this, so I can really start making moves. And try to find a husband. Oh wait that’s right, I’m supposed to be working on me, and my husband will come. I forgot. So, scratch that last part. But dang it, I still got lots to do!

In the song Office Manager’s Anthem (song quoted above), they also say, “clock in, you’re missing the best part of the day, clock out, your dreams get farther and farther away.” That pretty much sums up my feelings about where I am right now in life. Now that I’ve officially committed myself to accomplishing these two major tasks, it’s like now the possibility of completion seems wayyyy over there, like way past yonder and I’m wayyyy on the other side, looking through some binoculars, like I gotta go where? All the way over there? And I'm supposed to get there with just this flashlight and a compass? Lawd! And I feel like I’m making moves but am I moving? How long is this going to take? (Ok, yeah I know I really just got started-but I’m still wondering) And what if it doesn’t even work? I could be “mad” with no one but myself.

For the first time in my adult life, I am throwing everything I got into something, and for me this is a where the rubber meets the road type situation right 'chere. And I’m nervous. And I’m excited. And I’m hesitant. And I’m steadily moving. And I’m exhausted. And I’m slowly settling into (but not loving) the fact that I’m officially in the real world. Shriek! But since I know I’m not a behind the desk, in somebody’s office type for the next 30 years, I’m trying to pursue my own dreams. Squeal! And then shriek! And then deep breath. One day at a time, I remind myself. There are only 24 hours in the day. And I have to make time to work and sleep. But what I do with what’s left of that time is up to me. And I’m starting to see every extra hour as a blessing, and I’m learning not to let this time squander. Cause dammit, I got goals to attain! Steady on the grind…

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday