notes from the road

first i must apologize cause i left the 5 spot hanging last week. on my way out of town for a much needed extended vacay, i intended to write enough posts to keep my seat warm on all the thursdays until i came back. but then i hit the deck of the cruise ship, poured myself a glass of firefly and let all my cares float away.

i felt a lil bad but my homegirl reminded me that it's all about me! not about the many clients i left behind, the piles of files that are sitting on my desk, or the hundreds of messages in my voicemail. and so in honor of much needed vacays, i leave you with that. no worries, i'll be back next week.

family feud...

A good friend of mine recently had her grandpa pass away.

background
It's been no secret that grandpa had money in the bank (six-figures). And Grandpa didn't want folks (kids) touching his money. His kids and grandkids made him aware that Uncle Sam would take the money, all pleads fell on deaf ears.

Apparently, the baby of the siblings (my friend's auntie) had access to the bank account. So my friend and her siblings assumed Auntie would dole out the money to her other 5 siblings (one of the siblings being my friend's mother). That hasn't happened yet. So to retaliate, my friend and her siblings including her mother will not see their cousin/neice graduate on Mother's Day and no the graduate is not a student at Howard to express their disdain for their Auntie. What the hell does that have to do with the graduate? NOTHING! I told my friend she is petty. And it's sad the way black folks let money get between them and fam.

I reminded her that it was grandpa's money. Grandpa earned the money, spent the money, and saved the money -- the way he saw fit. And yes, it would be like right for her Auntie to distribute the money equitably among her siblings, but she hasn't and legally isn't obligated to -- so let it go (cue Keyshia!) Ironically, the graduate is the first and youngest among the cousins to graduate. The graduate is also an only child. So, her accomplishements might not feel so grand without her family cheering her on. The graduate started college on time (after high school) and finished. None of them can claim that feat. That needs to be celebrated.

What has me so irritated about my friend and her siblings is that they already had plans for what to do with their mother's share. One desired french doors for her home, another was going to finish their basement, and the other was going to modernize their windows. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Ain't no one think, maybe we should set up an annuity for our Mama since she's of that age. Everybody was out for self. And I think that's exactly why Grandpa ain't give them shit! excuse my french

God bless the child that got it's own!

cheers,

Bellini

A Selfless Winner

An 82 year-old man, widower, father of 10, grandfather and great-grandfather of 47, won $144 million dollars from the DC lottery!

After the Feds and DC take their cuts he will take home close to $80 million. For good reason, he wanted to remain nameless and has done the responsible thing and established trusts for his kinfolk to get educated. And while many claimed that they were happy for the man because he deserves it (I guess because he’s old)…I know many were like damn, how can an 82 year old really enjoy that kind of money? Isn’t he’s too old to enjoy it.

Then I got to thinking about how, at minimum, 57 other people’s lives are about to change because of this one man’s winnings. I mean let’s just say that one of his 10 children had won, or even one of the 47-would they have set up trust funds and invest in their entire family for the better? I know we all boast that if we won the lottery we would pay off bills, maybe buy momma a new house…but after that I think most of us would be oh so frivolous with our spending. Buying up multiple cars, clothes, sipping champagne cause we thirstay...making rain in da club (or maybe it’s just me). And after my friend told me that he would by multiple boats and cars and gave no thought to their maintenance and insurance- I thought, yeah, maybe an 82 year-old man does deserve to win because he’s going to be wiser with his, compared to a person a fourth his age.

And I think these things as a person who is in her twenties, an only child, single, no children and a renter (all the makings of a person who doesn’t have to think of others much). So it’s hard for me to imagine myself as a responsible older person thinking about the needs, and not just the wants of others...after I have thought extensively about myself first. I have this idea in my mind that if and when I’m in my eighties-after my children are raised and their children are on the scene I’m going to be doing what I can but not be doing everythang for them.

The aged deserve a time of rest…right? I think Old Amaretto will cosign on this thought!

But at Easter, as the family assembled at my grandmother’s house I watched her busy herself with cooking and cleaning after teenagers who are more than capable of doing for themselves. I told my grandmother not to make beds or set tables. I told my teenage cousins not to let our grandmother make beds or set tables…and in the end my grandma still ended up doing it. (author's note: don’t ask me where I was in the story-just know I was sitting on the sideline in principle and for the sake of telling a story). It made me sooooo upset 1) because my grandmother has done so much for all of us 2) I just think kids today are lazy and 3) most importantly- I had to make beds and set tables when I was my cousins’ age. WTF? Why come they don't have too? (sorry only child tantrum moment).

When I told my friend all about the shameful acts of my cousins, he met my emotion with “some older people like doing things for their family.” Say whaaaat? I mean yeah they do, but after decades of doing, don’t they just get sick of it? Shoot I'm sick of it and I'm not even 30 yet!

It blew my mind, because I recognized the truth in his statement. I guess because I think that at a certain age I’m going to need folks to be doing stuff for me, I just can’t imagine getting to that point of making beds and setting tables for folks who are more than able to do that for beaver-damn selves. And while I will say that I am helpful, I can’t say that I am selfless.

At minimum this 82 year old has effected change that will affect the lives of 57 people. And though one can ask, what else could an old man do with all that money? I say that there is a lot, and being selfless just happened to be one way he could enjoy his riches,. Hopefully I grow to that point. But until then...I too would say he deserved to win every penny he got!

See You In Seven

national bank of mint julep

a while back, i let my cousin hold some money. this cousin, we'll call her Shirl, is like a mother to me. since the first time i came to live in new york way back in 2001, she took care of me, inviting me to church, sunday dinners. she called me up one day back in october tellin me that her car had been towed that morning for having too many tickets. This carnapping surprised her because she had known of only one ticket on the car but then she found out that one of her daughters, Queeny, had also gotten a ticket on the car, one too many tickets for the city of new york.

being that Shirl lives out in boonies of Brooklyn (yes, such a place does exist) where you must take a long train and a long bus ride just to get back to downtown Brooklyn, i understood her need to get her car out asap. plus, the city of new york is ruthless when it comes to towed cars. not only do they make you pay off the tickets, you also have to pay the tow yard a per day charge of as much as $50 and up just to have your car sit there. i had let her hold $50 before and she had immediately paid me back so i thought nothing of it to let her hold $260, with her assurances that she'd set me straight soon.

fast forward to last week, christmas eve to be exact and my phone rings and it's Queeny. My dumb ass answers the phone immediately thinking that Queeny is calling with news that her sister had had her baby. Sista had gone into labor the day before and I was anxiously awaiting news of the baby, who I'd predicted would be a girl. Now Sista and me are tight, she let me live with her family in Brooklyn when I came back to NYC again in March for a few months until I found a place. Sista is so down to earth and, like me, always cracks on the bullshit predicaments that the rest of her family can get into. And Sista never asked me to "borrow" no money, in part because I kept her right for allowing me to stay in her place.

But anyway back to Queeny, so I answer the phone excitedly, "We got a baby yet? Is it a boy or a girl?" and Queeny fills me, it's a boy. I think, shoot, but yaaay! She chats me up a bit more about the baby as I try to get off the phone since it is only 8am. on christmas eve. exactly! but then Queeny proceeds to give me this sob story about how she needs to borrow $100 because she has no money until pay day next week.

Damn. She got me.

Don't you hate it when your family thinks you got money because they think since you a lawyer or [insert any regular job here] you got to have money. and since you aint got no kids you got to have money. uuuuhhhh no.... and no. my money is for me to do with as i please.

but seeing as how it was the season of good cheer and it was only $100 i figured what the hell, i'll let her borrow it. surely she will pay me back and in the off chance that she doesn't it's only $100. So I say ok, what bank are you with, i'll put it in your account.... Queeny: bank of america but you can't put it in there cause i'm in the negative.

damn Queeny!

this is why i can't fool round wit broke folk (add them to my list 'long with Black republicans). they ass wanna borrow money and then they ass so broke you can't even put it in they account cause they ass is already in the negative owing the bank and shit. this is just not a good sign for my ability to be paid back because Queeny broke ass already owe bank of america who knows how much in overdraft fees... sigh...

still i say ok i'll western union it to you. *cash register sound* add $10 on top off that $100.

so of course, the holidays are now over, another pay day has come and gone and I haven't heard head nor tail from Queeny, not even one of those generic "Happy New Year" text messages. Not to mention that her mama Shirl has not mentioned that $260 either.

I've been going back and forth about whether I should ask them for the money or just convert these loans into charitable contributions and let it go. I think about this song we sing in church at giving time.....give and it will come back to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over.... and think i aint hurtin for it. but then i think about the rest of that song. when you give, give to the Lord.

and neither Shirl nor Queeny is the Lord. although I'm more inclined to let Shirl go cause like I said I like her a lot. It just bothered me that she never mentioned it ever again. At least say, mint julep, i aint gonna be able to pay you back. cool I can live with that.

but its a new year, and one of the things I've been trying (and succeeding) to do well before the new year kicked off was to be more generous.

so i'ma let it go...but you best believe, na'an one of em betta not eva fix they mouth to ask me for money another time cause it aint gon happen....gotta keep credibility with the lender

A Season of Sacrificial Hearts

Turkey has been eaten. Lights have been hung on houses. Parties are being planned. I’d say it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Which also means it’s giving time! No matter the motivator, be it compassion, traditional obligation or tax write offs ‘tis the season to give, and give abundantly. It’s just a given that November and December are earmarked as our opportunities to volunteer in soup kitchens, give a dollar to the homeless man that we’ve ignored all year, and stroke out checks to our favorite charities. And at my good ole gov’ment job we have the annual combined federal campaign that takes giving to another level complete with contribution goals and participation quotas. And when the campaign is over-a big official can proudly profess that his organization cares about the community because we donated X million dollars.

So much for the warm and fuzzy feelings of giving right?

It’s hard not to feel some type of way about this office giving campaign when the coordinator is demanding contributions thinly veiled as opportunities to give. I know, I know it doesn’t really matter how the money got got as long as people are being helped. But as I look at the goal thermometer that shows my office is only at 36 percent of our financial goal, but nearly 80 percent have participated…I wonder what good is giving if it’s done grudgingly?

One of the biggest fights I had with my best friend in high school was about giving money to the street homeless. Yeah, we were progressive that way. Anyways, I asked her what was the point of giving her dollar when tomorrow he’d be there again, asking her again. She didn’t know if he was going to use it for beer or if he was really a well to do person just panhandling in the daytime. She acknowledged my position but she wasn’t going to use my logic to find an excuse not to have compassion. She said it in a less eloquent way of course-we were 16 at the time-but it was still a “Damn, don’t I suck as a human” moment!

…And it got me to thinking about my own attitude towards giving then, and I still wonder about it today.

I give regularly to church, but outside of that there is no consistency. A Tsunami Fund here, a Hurricane relief drive there, a Save the Children payroll deduction when the mood strikes. But on the daily basis am I using my resources to help someone other than myself, friends or someone I’m related to? If its April 23rd am I down with fixing sandwiches? And if I do go, will I go back on April 30th or the following week? My inner Scrooge already knows the answer to that one.

And it was that same Scrooge who was mumbling when the coordinator was asking me to participate in the campaign. As I was shaking my head at what the others in my office were willing to contribute, the folks that make a lot more money than I do, I realized that it doesn’t matter what they are moved to give, it’s about me and my heart. Even in this season of giving I’ve been keeping my fist closed. And throughout the year I haven’t been willing to make a grave financial sacrifice either. And that’s a sad revelation to have about oneself, especially when they’re supposed to be a Christian...

...To whom much is given, much is required. No matter the season.

See You in Seven