Ever since I met my future sister-in-law last year in New Orleans, she's given me some perspective on relationships.
So, how do you know she's your future sister-in-law if your brother and she are not engaged.
Well see, last year was the first time I met my brother's girlfriend (let's call her Shana). We did some sightseeing on the famed Canal Street as we sauntered east we found ourselves infront of Brooks Brothers. And like a scene in a movie she says, "After law school, we'll have to go shopping in there to get you ready for the firm." Well, I be darned.
Shit, homegirl just laid out a vision for the next 3-4 years of my brother's life. And he giggled/smirked with a self-assurance and didn't seem surprised by her observation more like a declaration. I just stood on Canal Street dumbfounded, but on the real -- your girl Bellini wanted to scream "THAT"S WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT...STRAIGHT UP CLAIM HIM GIRL! And needless to say, that day last year was the first time I met Shana and all these events occured in the initial 3 hours of us meeting.
Fast forward to this year, where the scene was my other brother's graduation. Well, guess who flew into town with my brother -- you guessed it Shana. And she and I didn't skip a beat we just resumed where we left off from in New Orleans last year.
She and I chit-chatted and such and she inquires whether my brother informed me that she matriculates in June and that she needs a traveling partner in June to go to Europe vis-a-vis Italy and sought me as her buddy. And I give her a slight perplexed look and inform her no -- I wasn't aware -- but of course I'll go with her. I mean folks reread my bio on the right -- I am your renaissance women! And my brother quips "I told you she would go with you!" Bru, you know me so well.
In using the encounter I had with my future sister-in-law, I want to demonstrate to women that my sister-in-law is selfassured and my brother likes that. There is no quasi-sense of relationship and where they are going with it. Alot of times I meet women, know women, and heard of women who've been with a man and can't tell you shit about their relationship--lack confidence.
Let's take Mary's situation from Dark'n'Stormy's post Monday. Mary should have flown up here with James. Better yet, Mary should have sat James ass down and got to the nitty gritty of their weekend plans. And the fact that she didn't now raises a stupid specter of doubt in the future of their relationship. Now be reassured James is fine with the relationship -- he was chilling at the cigar bar with the fellas -- straight kickin' it. Women I'm not sure where the hesitation/apprehension comes from when dealing with men. But it's costing you happiness in your relationship. So, if you want him, you betta claim him!
cheers,
Bellini
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9 comments:
mmmmmm I on't know about that, you can do all the claiming in world but if dude isn't on the same page or wants the same things, it won't matter.
Hmm having just witnessed up close and personal a man being claimed when he was all hesitant at first, I have been pondering this. I feel like there are some men who are never going to want to be claimed on someone else's terms. There are some men who "allow" themselves to be "claimed" because the timing is right, they're ready to settle down, they want to have kids, and the next woman who claims him because she is bout it, bout it becomes the "one." And there are some men who mutually claim the person they're with. I think in your future sister-in-law's example, she and your brother had conversations, so she wasn't just like "you gon' be my huzband, wait and see." And then she had to work it and twerk it to make it so. My cousin was the same way, at first it was just his friend, and then his girlfriend, and as the relationship developed they are now discussing marriage. But it's a mutual thing. But this goes back to having those pivotal conversations w/ the one you're with. I think as anonymous said there are a lot of women doing claiming, but it's usually half assed claiming because they don't want to "lose" that man. There is fear of putting it all out there and being unsure of what you're going to get back. And so women often ride the ride, hoping for more or unable to get off.
I agree with anonymous--you can claim a man (OR a woman) all you want to, but those feelings have to be reciprocated!
I'm GUILTY of "claiming" a man...I met him playing intra-mural softball through a mutual friend. During our second week of hanging out one-on-one, I RANDOMLY told him: "You're going to be the man that I marry". He looked at me like I had 2 heads, but I didn't care--I usually say what I'm feeling, that's just me...I told him to mark down this date on his calendar, so that when it actually HAPPENS, we can look back and LAUGH. (I also told him that I wasn't a crazy-ass-stalker-fatal-attraction type of chick... I'm just a matter-of-fact-keep-it-real type of chick.)
He didn't run for the nearest exit..and HERE WE ARE!
Don't ask me WHY I said that to MrMeany! Sheeeeeeeeit, I never even wanted to be married--I was happily single. Why did I "claim" a man that I basically just met? I don't KNOW. I've NEVER done that before, but maybe I just knew it was meant to be. Am I PSYCHIC? If so, then let me go play Lotto!
Good post. I need to follow suit, although I do agree with the first comment above. I'm also going to go out on a limb and say that "claim" business and keeping it real is quite common with women from the N.O. I went to school in La, and a lot of friends are from there. They do not play! lol
may i be should expound on the phrase "claim him" -- it's a metaphor for letting shit be known, put that energy out in the universe and see what is reciprocated. At the very least "claiming him" would have allowed you to purge your feelings and get it out of your system. this is my bone to pick with women -- we bottle that shit in and become miserable -- sulking in the should, woulda, coulda trilogies... that's some bullshit. And if the sentiments aren't reciprocated then you can move on instead letting the days, weeks, months go by wonderin' how much does he like me or where are we going with this.
@ anonymous: i think i adequately parse your comments
@ rum punch: if the guy wants to be claimed or not-- at least you found out; and there are plenty of men who like an assertive female; who knows what she wants.
@ mrs. meany: you're right those feelings have to be reciprocated, but even if they aren't you know where you stand -- and you seem to made out just fine girl!
@southern lady: aaaahhh... there's a frankness and candor from you folks down in New Orleans-- i just love your town -- don't be stranger; oh and go ahead and claim him or be candid about what you're feeling for him and if he ain't feelin' you-- you got plenty of time to regroup and kick it with a summer bunny!
Nothing wrong with claiming somebody. I just don't think you need to tell them that.
she will try
when he gone
This is anom off the top, uh ok I didn't say let shit pass you by, nor did I say bottle up what you feel either etc and go wishing on a star. Matter fact if you feel a person you should let it be known I am firm believer in that, to quote Jordan " I can accept failure but I cannot accept not trying" nothing is worse than being left to wonder FOR LIFE how something would have turned out if you only tried...this has nothing to do with my post yesterday tho, nothing cause that truth still stands.
i think "you betta claim him" is a proxy for "knowing what you want and when you have something good in front of you and doing the things you need to do to keep him around." the former just rolls off the tongue better. i'd like to think that when i met someone who i clicked with and i felt the clicking back, i'd "claim" him. but i haven't really met anyone like that yet....
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