I Miss You Much?

The problem with people is that they can get used to anything.
-Patrick Swayze, On his show The Beast

So, I’ve never actually seen this new Swayze show, but they kept playing this one scene in the previews. And every time he said it, I would think to myself, that is soo daggone true. I mean I for one have always wondered how come slaves in South Carolina for instance didn’t have a mass revolt when they made up 80% of the population. But as usual I digress.

But the statement is truth -you can get used to anything. Excellence, beauty, good, indifference, subpar, bad, ugly, real ugly. Being held in chains. Drinking out of different water fountains. Fried fish in the caf every Friday. Sitting at the back of the bus. Living from check to check. Getting your ass beat just because it’s Tuesday. Or to take it to an even simpler, more basic level, just being around someone.

There is something about a person coming into our lives and taking up space and making us feel all good and stuff. It gets nice. And comfortable. And easy, breezy, beautiful Cover girl. But then like everyone’s favorite prophet, Erkyah Badussy say, “one day, he gon’ say, you crowding my space.” And as often happens, they will politely escort you out of his (or her for you male readers out there) life. And you'll be out in the cold, standing on the sidewalk like, DAYUM! But I liked you. Or at least you thought you liked them. Or maybe you just liked that they filled a void of loneliness. Emptiness. Horniness. Whateverness that you needed filled at that particular time in yo’ life.

Of course you don’t get this, ‘maybe they really weren’t that good for me anyway’ moment of clarity until much, much later. Cause when they are first saying ‘thanks for playing, but I have decided to go in another direction with my life or (even worse) with someone else’, you are done, son. Upset! On some, ‘oh no they di’nt!’ I know they’re not trying to get rid of me! Don’t they know how fine I am? How fly I am? How good I am? I am the shyt. And they must know. When you’re in this part of the grieving process, all types of wrong, ignant, things can happen. But we shan’t go there today…

And then come the questions: what am I going to do now? Now that they’re not here? How will I make it through? Who will I talk to now for hours on end about absolutely nothing? Who can I go to these shows and movies and dinners and outings with? Or better yet, who is going to pay for me to go to these shows and movies and dinners and outings? Who can I call now when I need some late night lovin? And on...

And then the urges. Cause now you sittin’ in the house bored as hell. The urge to call and just see what they’re up to. To send a nice lil’, friendly, how you doin’, maybe we should link up sometime email. To invite them to a show you know they would love to see. To send that late, late night text, inviting them over for one last, last, last time, for uh, some milk and cookies. To sit outside their house and see what time they come into the house and who they wit. Ok, I’m kidding with that last one. Or am I? No, I am.

It’s a devastating occurrence. Or at least it feels that way when you’re in the midst. Because as human beings we can/do/will get attached. Some quicker than others. But for most of us, when we didn’t even realize we were. Thinking we putting up brick walls. That it’s just sex. That you can just shake ‘em off. Oh what fools us mortals be. In truth when you have spent an ample amount of time with someone, gotten to know them on some level, given up a part of yourself to another person - whether it was on a physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual level, when that person is gone, when that feeling they brought you when they were around is gone, there is a void. You can’t deny it. Well you can, but you ain’t foolin nobody.

Cause the truth is you will miss them. You will miss it. You will miss whatever it is you thought it was at the time. You will mourn it. You will be angry about it. You will try to get it back. You will be frustrated. And it will suck. And you will wonder how you’ll make it through when they’re not around to give you [fill in your own blank here]. How will you move on? But then somewhere in there, in between actin a fool and backslidin, you put one foot in front of the other and get to walking, and start looking past that person and towards greater possibilities. And you learn you can live without them. You can get used to a life without them. That’s the thing about people…

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!