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Friday, May 14, 2010

A Vested Interest

Last week when I was hanging out with dude who was talmbout maybe getting back together with his ex. The main reason was because he wanted a chick in his life to do things with. But if he did not get back with his ex, he then said verbatim, “For real I just want a chick I can hang out with. But she pays for her own stuff…” While I did my best to not look at him as if he had two heads, he regaled me with this delightful tale:

His mama’s friend has a niece attending a local university for grad school. The elders gathered and thought he and this girl, let’s call her Poor Thing should meet. They were first introduced at a holiday gathering. The next time they see each other – they’re both just out in the streets. She orders some food for herself and pays. The third time, he specifically suggests they go see Avatar. Poor Thing arrives to the theatre (probably after being boosted by her auntie that he’s a good dude, so nice, who owns his own home honey, and so on) and he says to her, “Yo. So, I just bought my ticket. I’m fina get our 3-d glasses. You go ‘head buy your ticket and then meet me at the popcorn stand.” Poor thing.

Crickets. Then laughter from Rum Punch. I then look around to see if anyone got this on video. For shame. They did not. And then he says,

Cause I knew man. I knew that if I paid, then she would want me to pay every.single.time.we.went.out.

Prolly so. But um errr I don’t know if that was the best way to handle the situation. Cause apprently it got back around to his folk that he is, "a cheap muhfcuka". Heh. And so now he’s on the hunt for a chick who will willingly pay her own way. “Good luck with that,” I said.

Look, I know that it’s hard out here for a pimp. And for a man with a regular job, who knows to be respectful enough to take a chick out to dinner and a show ‘fore asking her to drop 'dem draws. But it’s y’alls job to pay. It just is. And I know it ain't always right. Or fair. And it sucks (I'm guessing). But I have found a man who agrees and pretty much shut downs any naysayers.
In my eyes, any man worth his weight in salt will insist on picking up the tab when he takes a woman out. And I’m not talking just about when dating our courting. I mean if two platonic friends go out, the man picks up the tab. If a man goes out with a female coworker for appetizers and drinks to talk business, the man picks up the tab. If a man takes his sister or female cousin out, he picks up the tab. That’s just what I believe, right or wrong....For men who believe in pseudo-traditionalist roles, like me, it is his job to protect women, period. Not just women you want to sleep with, not just women you love, but every woman who entrusts herself to your company is now under your charge to be cared for.

Cause on the real the best thing about my male cousin coming to town a few months ago (aside being able to kick it with him) was that he paid for every-thang. Everythang? Everythang! Baby! Drinks, dinner, more drinks, and after I drove around for 10 minutes looking for parking, he said, “please find a lot. I’ll pay.” Sweetest words in the English language. Lol. And obviously he’s not trying to woo me, he just has common sense.

“The truth is,” I said to dude, “is that no chick is just gonna hang with you for kicks for a long stretch of time. This ain’t high school. People got goals.” And they usually involve marriage and baby carriages. And as you get older, and dating becomes more tiresome, that next person you meet who seems cool enough to see again, at least once, becomes a potential investment. And time and yes money spent with and on them determines their value.

Return on your investment in dating terms becomes – if you ain’t spending no money on me, then why am I spending my time with you? I mean I can go to the movies with my homegirls. Hit up a happy hour solo and find a nig who'll buy me a drink. Or the tried and true Rum Punch method: flirt with the bartenders. You ain't that great company, my nygga.

This is not to say that women should be gold diggers and stick nigs (especially everyday, regular ones who are just tryna make it) for their paper. Or that they should never offer to pay. Or treat their man. Or shoooot buy the snacks, while he buys the tickets. But this is to say that in this dating/courtship two step, you have to invest to earn interest.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. These things are to be handled on a case by case basis.

I'm a poor graduate student. I live on my stipend. Which pays food, rent, insurances, gas, and leaves me little else.

When my cousin (female) visits, who is a doctor, making 6-7x what my stipend would be on an annual basis, does it really make sense for me to insist on paying the tab?

Aside from that, in our culture, the older one always takes care of the younger. Period. End of story. In fact, I would be insulting her if I asked to pay.

I was just on a date a couple weeks ago where she paid for her drinks for the first half of the night, and I paid for our stuff the other half. It was a fluid situation - I essentially had to have earned her trust and comfort before she would allow me to buy her things.

If a guy plays this by ear, he shouldn't go wrong unless he's an absolute idiot. And as I keep telling everyone this week, there has yet to be anything designed that is absolutely fool proof. So even the idiots know when something's up.

Shy said...

Great post, Rum Punch. I agree with you, as I'm more into traditional roles when courting/dating. If I'm talking to/seeing a guy who always asks me out, but never seems to want to pay...I'm weary that he's not right for me on the basis he wouldn't be able to provide for me in the future (assuming there'd be one with him). Also, kinda shows a lack of committment (the investing you talked about). If my male FRIENDS can foot the bill when asking me to happy hour and what-not...I know someone who wants to be my man needs to have that same mind-set!

Rum Punch said...

@ Kamakula - I understand where you're coming from - especially if it's a cultural perspective. Although my cousin is older, so him paying was right on time. :-)

In regards to your example I think that you were out w/ a chick who apparently "has her own". And that's a good thing. Lol. But I'm assuming here that you were enjoying her company and realized that even though you're a grad student on a stipend, you didn't mind paying for her drinks. Why? Cause you read the situation and cause you ain't no fool.

If there are men who are not willing to pay for "company", but still want a female companion then they either need to be more selective or they need to suggest free events - movies on the National Mall or a trip to the Smithsonian. And then they can part ways before she's like, "I'm hungry." Heh.

@ Shy - Thanks! Haha bless any man's soul who is asking women out and not paying. That's a tragedy. And yet I would guess it happens more often than not. And not in the 'we're alternating rounds' kinda way, but in a 'gotcha bytch' you're paying for my dinner kinda way. I feel you that at this age as priorities shift from he's foine and got that good hair, to is he investing in his 401k - these seemingly little things actually matter cause they're part of the bigger picture.

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