A Rite of Passage

This weekend I realized that my little 15 year old cousin has become a woman. Not in the had a period, can get pregnant from sex kind of way; but in exhibiting Typical Grown Woman Craziness Behavior because of the foolishness of a male type of way.

We were at our grandma’s house this weekend and I heard her on the phone asking her friend “Did you read it yet? What did you think?” Of course my curiosity was piqued, and so I asked her what was going on in her world. She explained that once again she and her boyfriend had broken up but this time she decided to write him a letter.

Oh lawd! Why oh why women do we get to scribing our feelings on paper? Especially in an age of textassness, email, and the KISS method. But from Aalyiah’s 4 page letter to the 18 page letter Rachel wrote to Ross (front and back), it seems that us women folk have a lot to say…and maybe its because we don’t feel our male counterparts hear us when we talk and so we hope against all hope that if we say it in writing they’ll get it.

Well, when sharing my letter writing philosophy with a male friend he essentially crapped all of my theory and told me that even in writing he gleans everything he needs from what is said in the first paragraph, so why bother reading the rest? Say what now? The first paragraph?! In my letters I haven’t even made my point yet in the first paragraph. Shooooot, I’m still talking about feelings and I haven’t let my inner lawyer come to the forefront to state my case. In the first paragraph I haven’t yet explained why I feel this way or that, or how I wish I knew your feelings, want you to share your feelings, stop talking to your momma so much, tell your boys you’ll get at them the next time, tell me I’m beautiful every morning, and…well ya’ll get the drift.

So I realized that my cousin had become grown when, in telling me about her letter she told me that she didn’t get all crazy with him. Had her best friend read it first to give her stamp of approval. But most importantly she had evidence to back up everything she was saying. That’s right EVIDENCE! When we women folk get pen to hand (or sit in front of computer), suddenly we remember Every.Single.Detail. of every single thing that’s happened since 1999. It’s something about letter writing in which we become determined to make the males in our lives Get It. Get why we are hurt, or disappointed, or angry. And get it to the point that they start caring enough to feel bad, or if they already feel bad to tell us.

But really, that’s a crazy expectation. Because what sane person really wants to have a conversation with a person who has thrown everything they’ve ever done wrong in life back in their face. Yet that’s what most women folk want. We want to talk it out, have a conversation and maybe an admission of something…like guilt. But it’s easier to just live with guilt, ignore and avoid…in hopes that thing will blow over eventually, than to deal with stuff head on.

So when I asked little cuz the other day if ole boy responded to her, she said no. And she doesn’t even care anymore. And well, I can't say I was surprised by any of it. All I could think was that my cousin was now aware of something that she wasn't before.

Welcome to womanhood!

See You In Seven