WE ARE: 5 women navigating our twenties in search of peace, happiness and love (or not). WE WRITE: about everything and nothing. From the insane to the mundane- you will find different paths taken, lessons learned and lives lived. WE THINK: you’ll enjoy it...Warning: Consumption of these views may leave you enlightened while intoxicated.


The View From Here will conclude on Friday, October 1, our third year anniversary. We would like to spend this month thanking all of our readers, followers, haters, visitors, family, friends, and fans for your continued support, encouragement, and comments over these past few years. Thanks y'all!
-The Five Spot

Friday, May 28, 2010

The Typecast(e) System

Based on a convo I recently had with Courvoisier, I have been thinking about types. I won’t reveal what we discussed, but I have been wondering the following:

1. Do you think that a certain type of person is attracted to you?
2. Are you usually attracted to that type of person?
3. If not, do you think you should go for the person you’re attracted to or just say f-it and get with the one who shows you some love?

I have noticed that there are three types of guys who are consistently attracted to me:
1. Youngins. Maybe it’s my baby face, but they stay crushing on me.
2. Old men (and not like the dirty old man who hollas at everything in a skirt old, but just significantly older). Maybe it’s my baby face, but they stay thinking I’m beautiful.
3. Women in their mid fifties who find me totally adorable and keep telling me someone is gonna marry me honey! But that's a post for another day
4. Chunky men who are from the South. Lol. Maybe it’s my baby face. Or that I'm light skinded with longish hair. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m not a small girl myself and they think we could hit up an Old Country Buffet together. Me no know.

But I do know that the men I be checking for, often times don’t be checking for me. At least not in a romantical type way. And I’m not saying this like I think I’m unattractive. I just think that I might be more attractive to a different set of men who I tend to pay no mind. And please note I'm talking about strictly looks. No points for personality.

So, do I succumb to fate and just accept that I might have to be a cougar, or have a sugar daddy, or make sure my smothered chicken, collard greens, and pound cake game is tight? Or do I press on and hold out for my dream man? And for the record in my mind he ain't even that dreamy. He'd just be my kinda eye candy. Don't want someone supa foine. Then I gotta fight every night to prove my love! © Random dude from The Five Heartbeats. Tee hee.

On an episode of How I Met Your Mother, they discussed how in every relationship there is the reacher and the settler - where one person reaches for someone out of their league, the other person settles for someone below theirs. Insert your own "" where necessary. Lol. Similar concept can be found here at everyone’s favorite site Very Smart Brothas. Or maybe you and your friends have couple watched and played the fun game that is, ‘Who Got the Better Deal.’

Yes, it's very conceited of me to assume I'd be the settler, but if my recent dating selections are any indication - it's truth. LOL! I get that in theory we are supposed to look past someone's, well looks, and find the good inside. And I been there, done that, so I get it. But if a certain type of person keeps stepping to you - is that a sign from the universe that this is as good as it gets, so jump on it? Is it better to at least have someone in your life who will call you beautiful (and mean it) or keep striving for the one you want to notice you? Or like the caste system, do you simply accept your place in society and learn to live life to the fullest with the chunky man by your side?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!


Courvoisier said...

You know I totally feel this!! I tend to attract women of all ages... Dudes who are at least 5-10 older always... Since I was 13 (chuckle).

Bellini said...

Somethings amiss - I don't think its that simple, we'll talk more on sunday

Rum Punch said...

@ Courvoisier - Tee hee. I figured you would like it.

@ Bellini - Ummm...ok? I guess. I mean there was much more I could have said, but I got tired and just dropped the mic. Lol.

MrsMeany said...

I had to LOL at "they think we could hit up an Old Country Buffet together"...HI-larious!

An-t-way! as far as a "chubby" dude goes...he's just "chubby" and with the right inspiration will work out and be un-chubby. you can "work with" a weight issue, as long as he treats you right and that's really the bottom line. you don't want a fit dude that treats you like crap, right? the older you get you will realize that the criteria you had for guys when you were younger CHANGE. it HAS to cuz you are changing too...

(now if his FACE is something that is unattractive to you, then that is a DEAL-BREAKER! a gut here, love handles there can be exercised away, but a face dosn't change!!!)

Anonymous said...

If we are speaking of times when I was the one approached by a woman, I tend to attract ones 5-10 years older. . . I'm actually currently dating one who is seven years older.

But usually, they don't stick around once they find out how old I really am.

Rum Punch said...

@ Mrs Meany - LOL! I feel you on the unattractive in the face vs. the chubby. I have had the chubby w/ the attractive face. And another without. HA! Either way it did make me reexamine what I thought was important to me and was a growing experience. But it's just funny that they stay stepping to me. I think that men can just go for broke and eventually they'll hit the proverbial jackpot. Lol.

@ Kamakula - Get it! May I ask when you reveal how old you are? I find this totally fascinating. Maybe I need to take cougar notes. GRROOOWWWL...

Dirty Red said...

Nope don't settle. And don't think you can "mold" a nigga into what you what him to be. If you think he is "chunky" now, you will think he is "chunky" 10 years from now. I believe that physical attraction is 75% of dating. A person has to be attractive to you from the start before you even give them a chance. It is what it is. I know good and damned well if I meet a woman and there is not a thing about her that I consider attractive, then a long lasting relationship is out.... I am not saying I won't hit.... LOL, but that will be all that it can be. There has to be something about a woman that I find attractive...Whether it is her eyes, smile, teeth, feet or whatever, there has to be something about her that catches my eye before I even want to get to know her mind. If there is not, then all I hear is BLAH,BLAH,BLAH head in the bathroom, BLAH BLAH BLAH, cum on your face? BLAH BLAH. I hate to sound so manish, but it is what it is. So again, don't settle. Wait for what you like, then do what you do. Anything else you are cheating yourself and your future husband.

Rum Punch said...

@ Dirty Red - LMAO! You got me crackin up! I agree, you have to find something attractive about that person - whatever it is that do it for you. I can say in my most recent situation it was the man's personality elevated that elevated him, so I that I had to take another look. And it was another man's lack of personality that got him nexted. Like I can't constantly be the one making you crack up.

It's funny I was just talking to a co-worker and she talmbout how she met this dude and he was, "cool as fan on high," but she was not physically attracted to him. And I get it. But sometimes I think women have in their heads (physically at least) the kind of man they are looking for. And um, hey boo, he may not be looking for you. I don't think you should ever settle or compromise on what you want/need in a relationship. But sometimes we need to open our minds a wee bit. A. Cause men do the choosin and have a buffet to chose from. B-Z. Cause stuff sags. Spreads. Fades. I mean if I'm still single at seventy and tryna find me a companion in the nursing home - my personality may be all that shines. Heh.

Anonymous said...

I reveal my age (soon to be 26) when asked. I'm usually pretty good at guessing age so when I know she's more than 2 years older, I tend to stay away from conversation that could lead to that question. However, it seems while younger women aren't so concerned with my age, older ones always want to know.

And there seems to be no way to get out of it. I've tried playfully giving a fake age (40), that apparently just makes people even more curious.

My impression is that after all that has happened, they are hoping that I just happen to be a young looking agemate. Luckily, with the person I'm currently dating, that doesn't seem to matter.