young fun

as i get older, wiser and more beautiful, i find that my life is becoming kinda like the title of that pearl cleage joint, some things i never thought i'd do. you see until recently, i had always kicked it with dudes who were about my age, maybe a year younger or older but no more of an age difference than that.

until recently...

on the one hand older dudes who approach kinda gross me out. yes, i'm "twelve". but i couldn't imagine datin and/or gettin it in with a guy 10-20 years my senior. he prolly be on his first or second divorce with a few kids under his belt. tryin to act like my daddy and boss a sista around. i'll pass.

and on the other hand, since i'm only 28, the dudes 5-10 years my junior a) aren't even legal in most states or b) would be tryin to take me to a soulja boy concert. again, i'll pass.

until recently...

i never thought that i would be getting my pretty pink, baby blue on. at least not at the ripe old age of 28. maybe when i got to be 45 and the man who i thought was the love of my life left me for his skanky secretary. maybe then i'd be seducing the junior associate at my firm during late night work sessions. but i never thought that i'd have anything in common with someone just outta college. i never thought i'd be attracted to someone who was in the 8th grade when i was a senior in high school, as he likes to remind me. but i do and i am (even tho he's a red bone).

he's 23 and it's kinda undercover. yet it's sorta nice. very nice actually. so i've added him to my team. and we'll see what happens. let's just hope he doesn't catch rabies and i have to shot him wit my pistol in self defense.

i guess if i was doin the choosing, and since it's mint julep's world i am, i'd rather go young than old. ladies, what say you?

it' not him, it's her...

Sometime back in the day, during this blog's infancy I shared this with y'all. And now, I want to embellish the blueprint.

So, my girlfriend just recently bought her home with her boyfriend -- apparently it's in her name and he pays the mortgage-- and just had a new baby. The world of me could not understand why they are not hitched yet? Recently, I called her to check up on she, the baby, and fam. She disclosed to me that her mother is gettin' married next year. So I commented, "Tell your man -- no pressure!" And he happened to be there, and she shared my comment with him. He retorted, "She knows we can go to City Hall any damn day of the week!" And we all chuckle. Now my girlfriend claims, "City Hall cheapens the marriage. You don't have the big wedding, ...."[at this point I lost at the conversation and tuned her excuses out].

I don't know what it is. My girlfriend is holding back, and yet she hasn't held back on anything with this man. She vowed never to have another baby unless she was married. Although, I do think that is the direction they're headed in, but this waiting game has me baffled. I don't know what she's waiting for. If you knew my girl from the sandbox, you'd be amazed at her metamorphisis. Let's just say she is an only child and wilded out a few times more than once in her life. Fastforward to today, she and boyfriend are the old couple. An exciting adventure for them is going to Target and Walmart. They are always home. Back in the day, you couldn't pay my girl to stay home.
I guess people change after all?

Most of the time, it's the men and not the women -- who are holding back on this marriage thing. It's amusing in some ways. The detective in me wants to figure this shit out, 'cuz Bellini is truly baffled. Perhaps, at the destination wedding next year, there'll be a twinkle in her eye and she'll have a change of heart.

cheers,

Bellini

You Ain't Hungry Then

My coworker is a single Black woman in her early forties. She often shares with me about past loves and how around 35 she decided that her playa days where over. I know, playa days? Anytime I meet these type of women who used men like Kleenex it disrupts my notions of what women are and aren’t. Sillly me, I guess. Just yesterday she told me she turned down a marriage proposal because she was sure she would cheat on the dude…repeatedly. Wow. I will just say Amaretto’s mind was blown. Needless to say my co-worker is selfless and I would say that she leads a full life. She has worked on her as they say women ought to do in their singleness. She’s involved with her church, her sorority, her undergraduate school, has travelled, teaches yoga, home owner, drives a nice car, keeps physically fit...but has come to the point of being so tired of being alone and on her own…and well who isn’t right?

During one of our sessions, after exhausting endless meet and greet possibilities and going out with men that she just wasn’t really attracted to, she whispered to me that she recently signed up for eHarmony. I said that that sounded exciting and was happy for her. And then she went into how she never thought it would come to needing online dating... Now granted I am younger than she, and as the years have marched on-online dating no longer screams desperation…I mean I love the movie You’ve Got Mail-can you believe that was eleven years ago?! But maybe for a woman who once lived her life as a player…well this is a big step that she wants to make way under the radar.

So yesterday I asked her how the online thing was working out, and well at the moment it isn’t. One of her matches turned out to be the ex-husband of a woman who went to her church. Yikes. Others seem to be too old looking (she calls them crawdaddies) or too short. Or too much of what she isn’t looking for. So I wondered what Jesus would do in this situation, and I asked her to cast her net a little further. Maybe look at a man who isn’t Black, or doesn’t have an MBA. One who doesn’t enjoy working out in the gym but loves to go dancing. And maybe even just go out on a date with someone who doesn’t have it all, just to see if maybe, possibly there is something else that you didn’t know you could like.

She said-HELL NO!
She knows what she wants.
End.Of.Story.

And to me that was sad. I told her that sometimes you get to the point where you have to be unorthodox to find what you are looking for. My dad answered my stepmother’s personal ad in the newspaper, and they have been married for over ten years. And I realize I am saying all of this as a person who is over a decade younger than she, and I haven’t had the panic of living my life alone truly set in yet…so what do I know? To her, I might be asking her to settle, and like Sam I Am-she already knows she doesn’t like green eggs and ham. But I do know, that if you are hungry enough you’ll eat things you never thought you like…and just might be surprised by how good it tastes. It just seems to me, that only a Black woman is willing to starve herself...when everyone else, will gladly eat from the plate in front of them!

See You In Seven

What do you say, Courvoisier? (Part 3)

"I didn't have sex until I was married."

"Really, how long did you date before you got married?"

"For about 3 years."

"Hmm, that is a commitment I take it your husband was down, that is what's up!"

"Well it is not like we didn't fool around..."

"Oh?"

"I mean we did do oral and we would do it using the back entrance"

"Excuse me. Umm... what is your definition of no sex? 'Cause if you ask me the word sex could follow the description of all of those activities you described."

"Well, if he doesn't vaginally penetrate then I can't get pregnant... and I don't consider any of those acts sexual."

Now those of you who know me, my crazy chic loves to take advantage of these moments to push even further.

"So tell me this... if your husband decided to engage in the same activities that you and him had prior to marriage with someone else, he would NOT be having sex? Just a thought."

Never in a million years, did I think I would hear these words from a woman three years my senior. I am just speechless and therefore, I conclude my post... maybe you could add some words to this for me?

Much luv until next week... peace :)

Tired of Being Alone

So, one beautiful spring day, when I was a wee lad, and by wee, I mean about 22-23 years old, I went to a brunch that was specifically for black women. So it was supposed to be an “uplifting” brunch with a guest speaker a la Iyanla Vanzant. Anyway. Most of the women were late twenties, early thirties. Professionals. Home owners. And a majority of them were single. Now, to me, at the time, they seemed soo old. And established. And quite lonely. And just tipping the bitter, black woman scale. And I remember thinking, “Lord, please don’t let me become this type of black woman.” Oh no.

So, we’re sitting around munching on skrimp and grits, chicken and waffles, etc., etc., and one of the women starts talking about how she doesn’t have a man. And that she wishes, sometimes, that she had a man. And then she says, softly, and dare I say kind of sadly, “I just wish that I had someone, so they could wash my car on a day like today.” And I remember thinking, “say what?” That’s all you want? Pitiful. And now. Five years later. I am that woman. Well, okay, I’m not a homeowner. But I am that black, professional woman, quickly approaching 30. Single. But trying not to be bitter about it. Not trying to let it get me down. You know keeping my mind stayed on Jesus and ery’thang, but ummm, how many of y'all know it gets hard.

Earlier this week I had a little bit of meltdown. Basically, as I’m driving without a care in the world, I learn from a fellow driver that my new (all of four days old) back tire was low. FRRRICCKK! I pull up to the conveniently nearby tire spot. They tell me I’ll probably need a patch for $19.99. Ok, I can handle that. 20 minutes later, they tell me I need a whole new tire. Now it’s time to put on my sista girl coat, hat and boots. Let the neck roll and the finger wag. Oh hell no, I said. I just got these tires. “Well you’re gonna have to take it to the place you got it from," they said.

And that’s when the meltdown occurred. I’m not exactly sure what I said. I think it was something along the lines of, “Why Lord, why? Why am I by myself? I hate being single! I don’t wanna do this shyt by myself anymore.” Ok. Admittedly it was a little extreme. It was only a tire. And I had the people put the doughnut on my car, drove to the other place and got a new tire for free. But in that moment, in that wtf, this is truly messing with my day moment, I wanted a man to complain to. To gripe to. To call and be like, “you won’t believe this shyt!” But I had no one. Well no one of substance and worth my time, anyway.

I mean I just wanted to be able to be a baby with someone for like two seconds, two seconds. Take off this independent woman protective covering for a few moments and be vulnerable, upset, pissed off, the total opposite of clear headed. I mean of course I was going to get the tire fixed. But that day, it hit me, I be tired man. Tired of carrying this load by myself. And so now, at this point in my life, I totally understand ol’ girl’s comment about wanting a man to just wash her car. Cause it’s that seemingly little shyt, that in actuality is the important, big shyt. It's the little shyt that soothes your soul, makes you smile, helps you get through today and tomorow and the next day... Saying to a man, “Baby I had a hard day.” And then him, rubbing your feet, or kissing your fo’head, or running a bath, or just replying with these magic words, “Baby, what happened?” Doing something. Anything.

But when you have nothing. No one. Well, it starts to suck. No matter how many girlfriends you have to go to concerts and plays with. No matter how much your family loves you. No matter how many Bible Study classes you go to. No matter how many times you recite your single girl mantras in front of the mirror: “What God has for me is for me.” “I’m just going to work on me and the right person will come.” “This too shall pass.” “Shyt, I know I look good. And I need a man who can appreciate it.” It starts to all feel for naught.

Cause you don't know what's coming around the corner. What God has in store for you. What tomorrow is going to bring. And other cliches. And you start to get worried. But everyone says, don't worry. And so I'm trying not to. And so, while I live my life (oh yes that's another mantra) and make plans for my future, and eat this pan of brownies, I guess I've got to come out of my funk, cause this too shall pass...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

just in case you were wondering, i love you

last summer at my cousin's wedding reception she danced with her mama and her daddy to musiq soulchild's "Mother/Father." twas one of those classic wedding awwwww moments. and i thought to myself, when i get married, i want to dance to that song with my stepfather.

now me and my stepfather haven't always had the best relationship. he's one of those people who is stubborn and always thinks they are right about everything, and will tell you bout yourself even if you didn't ask to hear it. he wouldn't hesitate to tell one of my friends that she was gettin fat when she came by the house. or to point out to some dude i brought over to meet him that he didn't seem very bright (to his face!)

he irritated me to no end because he always seemed to think he knew what was best for meand he never listened to a word i had to say once he made up his mind. one time in particular he threatened to "wash his hands of me" if i didn't accept a full scholarship and go to famu like he decided i should instead of going to spelman, the school i'd been dreaming about for most of my high school years. nevermind that i wasn't asking him for a dime to fund my college education. he just wanted me to do what he said. and i just wanted his approval of my choice.

i was mad behind that for about a week or two before i decided that i only had a few more months of living in his house anyway. but over the years since then, with time and space between us, those hard feelings have given way to love and respect. for he has been one of the contsant encouragers in my life, even if i had to swallow a handful of nails before i got to the honey in his words.

he was the one who went down to my elementary school and demanded that they test me for the gifted and talented program because he noticed that i didn't seem challenged by my school work.

he was the one i could call when i was down to my last $100 during those couple of weeks at the end of the semester when the refund money had run dry.

he is the one who tells me that out of all of his children, he is most proud of me.

past differences aside, he has been the best father to me, better than my real father could ever hope to be. right now he's goin through something so heavy that i honestly don't know if i'll be able to dance with him at my wedding like i want to. i try to picture us there, in the middle of some grand hall, swaying softly to the music. memories of my debutante presentation give me a glimpse of what it could be like. i pray that he gets well but to my stepfather before I forget, thank you for all that you have been to me and just in case you are wondering I love you...

I know that our differencse caused us to waste so much of our time we could have used getting to know each and one another/But now that I've grown into my own and learned some things about life I now can see that it wasn't easy to raise someone like me.

I remember those days when you used to sit me down and try to school me about the plenty opportunities in life/Hoping and wishing and praying that something would stick and somehow click within this mind of mine/See you used to say, if you throw enough on the wall something is bound to rub off and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to really worry about me at all

There was no limit to all the things that you've done and would have for me my sister and I'll never understand how you would talk all day long and just as you said, in one ear and out the other/Isn't it funny how things change when you get older? (And you start to see things for yourself)/Now I know that I'll never find another love like yours inside anyone else

Mother-Father before I forget/Thank you for all that you have been to me and just in case you are wondering I love you...

life ain't fair...

As we all know life ain't fair, but you have to take the lemons and make lemonade -- right. The financial mess on Wall Street with AIG as the nexus is fueling all fears. Those of you that believe that AIG can collapse, that's a bluff that you don't want to be called -- at least right now. This company insures 70% of small businesses and small businesses are barely hanging on a thread. The problem is AIG is a matrix, and there is no clear authority on whom knows the structure of the company. Somebody needs to their homework and figure that shit out -- that's the million dollar question. If we figured that out, then the Treasury Department would be in a position to make prudent decisions about company's future. However, I'm not giving Geither & Co. any slack because he seems a lil' green, but time will tell. And, so just when populist outcry is ready to hang AIG employees, Jake makes you think twice.

And now it's safe to assume, AIG lost one -- a good one, that shouldn't have left. And as Jake shared, for the most part, the dishonorable have skipped town with bonuses intact. Unfortunately, Wall Street and finance is one thing, but when Wall Street has to meet up with Main Street vis-a-vis Capitol Hill, you better know how to play politics. Chris Matthews embodies it best -- it's Hardball! Now Wall Street may want to pontificate and such and think jobs are plentiful, but when 1 job announcement for a janitor receives 500 applicants--think again. And yes, we get that everyone in Wall Street didn't fcuk up, however, ya'll just have to face the scorn of the public. Hopefully, the industry will be shamed enough to change its ways (platinum parachutes for less than stellar peformance). The fact of the matter is tensions are runnin' high, and answers are few and far in between. So, life ain't fair, and Wall Street, accept the fact that you're the receipient of the brunt of anger and frustrations--justly or unjustly so.

cheers,

Bellini