Blind Tasting

Prologue - You know times is rough when you when you see a white couple in a Kmart commercial advertising the joy and beauty that is layaway! LOL! And onto the post...

Sometime in August I, along with two other friends traveled to Montreal. The city is awesome! An excellent mixture of old and new. Anyway. One of the things we did was dined in the dark. So the concept is that patrons dine in complete, utter and total darkness while being served by blind people. This is not a joke. Yes, served by blind people. Yes, you really can’t see a damn thing. Not the table, not the food, not your friends, not even your hand in front of your face. The idea is that by not being able to see, other senses will be heightened – food will taste different, conversation will be different. And it totally was. Not to mention that you got a slight idea of what it means to live in a world without your sight. And it made you appreciate everything when your eyes finally saw light again.

The entire experience was truly indescribable – adjectives like amazing, incredible, weird, interesting, just didn’t seem to do it justice. When I told people about the dining in the dark experience, people from my parents’ generation automatically knocked it. “That’s crazy,” they said. When I told people from my generation (35 and under) I was met with two responses: “That’s crazy” or “that’s cool.” Some people thought it was a complete waste of money. Some wanted to know where we went so they could try it. Either way, for me it was a new, unique experience, something for the autobiography.

[Insert appropriate transition sentence here that I just can't think of right now] I recently finished the book The Year of Yes, a memoir in which the narrator decided to go on a date with every man who asked her. At first I thought that she was just going to go out with people she never thought she would be compatible with. Oh no. This heffa went out with any and everyone. I’m talking a homeless man (just to name a few), people who weren’t compatible with sanity, let alone with her. When I first started reading I thought the chick was crazy. But then, with Mint Julep's encouraging, I looked at it from another angle. From this experience, where the author threw caution to the wind, and said yes to every experience that came her way, thus opening herself up to new opportunities, possibilities, and worlds she had never known, she found love and the man who is now her husband. And I was like hmmm… But more importantly, regardless of what anyone thinks, regardless of if she had found love or not, she had some kick ass, once in a lifetime experiences to tell for the rest of her life.

And that’s just it. Sometimes we (myself included, let's keep it real and funky) are afraid of moving forward, of trying new things, of stepping outside of ourselves and who we think we’re supposed to be. But sometimes we have to step out there, blindly, leaping before looking, let the chips fall where they may, with a devil may care attitude, and other clichés. Of course our dismount may not be perfect, we may wobble and even fall down. Shit. That’s life, right?

I know that for me, right now, as I type this, I am miles and miles away (literally and figuratively) from everything I ever imagined. The life I created for myself in my head is nowhere close to meshing with reality. So what's a girl to do when everything she thought was one way is actually another? When down is up and left is right? When the master plan has been drafted, re-written, edited and revised beyond recognition? Where to go from here? I'm beginning to think, wherever I damn where please. Of course this means having a whole new frame of mind that is hard on my Type A personality, but whatever man, I need some more kick ass stories to tell!

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Epilogue - For those who "celebrate"-HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Be safe out there tonight!

enough already?

7 days never seemed so long.

Last night's obamamercial was a prime example of that. While I am not an obamamaniac I do support the brother. Not because he gon fix child support or get reparations but more than anything because he gon stick it to the MAN. Show these white folks. Allegedly.

Now I know that's not the most pc way to say things such as this but that's just how I feel.

Anywho one would think that having raised 150 million in the month of September would make you guaranteed to win. Allegedly.

Running for president on the democratic ticket at the height of an economic crisis would make it impossible to lose. Allegedly.

But seems like the only thing for sure is that obama is still a black man.

In America

Where folks that looked like him were enslaved just 3 generations ago.

Where his daddy would be strange fruit in Mississippi had he whistled at his momma a generation ago.

And while WE get it. Apparently there are still some folks that don't. still undecided 6 days before Nov. 4. chile please.

So to me, there are 6 days left for some shit to pop off. Enough time for full page ads with blackened images and the n word. Now while I thought 30 mins of reworked speeches was overkill, enough already...maybe not.

what say you?

question #2

I owe it all to Mrs. Cattell – she was my second grade math teacher—who made me vow that I would always vote. As soon as I met the requisite criteria, I've remained civically engaged…

On Tuesday, I will be faced with Question #2 – a Maryland referendum on slots. For any Marylander, this topic of whether the state should permit slots has been a decades old controversy. The proponents for slots claim that slots are needed to fill the budget gap and provide guaranteed funding for the state’s education system and public servics. Opponents to slots indicate it is immoral and that there is a disparate impact to poor, minority households. Frankly, either sides' rationale hasn’t moved me either way. Yet, there is a slippery slope factor to the rationale of proponents.

Frankly, I believe in all my life, generally speaking of course that states have always had problems funding education. So, I have a hard time believing slots will solve yet alone alleviate the funding problems for education. The problem with government is that there continues to be chronic problems that citizens just want to apply provisional solutions too. This shit is problematic. And I get that states are facing hard times and residents are placed in between a wall and a hard rock. Will we ever get to the root of the problem, oh I forgot the adage Americans don’t care about problems – only solutions.

As of right now, 85% of Bellini wants to vote against question #2. But since “Question 2, the so-called slots referendum, is the most effective way to fully fund our kids' schools, keep our police on the beat, our firefighters on call and our health care services available to our neediest children," according to the Governor’s office my 15% remains intact. Don't get me wrong, Bellini has love for the kids. Yet, I’m facing this quandary and I’m not sure what to do about question #2. I do owe it to teachers to discuss this question with them firsthand. And I intend on talking to some teachers prior to Tuesday. But the assertion that “We have already cut spending by $2.2 billion and eliminated more than 1500 state positions. But frankly, it's not enough to solve our long-term budget problems." Is clearly rubbing me the wrong way. Long-term?
Gimme a break
States that utilize gambling revenues (i.e. lottery, slots, etc.) continue to be plagued with budget shortfalls in education.

Well folks, as a savvy voter, who expects nothing less from you savvy individuals — I have a minor request that you provide some deliberative thought to state, county, and municipal referendums that affect your neighborhoods. And eventhough the presidential elections may be the impetus to stand in the long lines to exercise our civic duty to vote, remember there are other issues brewing in your community that need your dire attention. Let this serve as your public service announcement!

cheers,

Bellini

Just Friends...and Not Lovers?

A girl I know recently planned a weekend solo trip to Vegas in December. And while most of us single gals are willing to take on the world alone, we still ask a friend to tag along just in case. So this girl, let’s just call her Natalie asked the male friend she’s known since they were making mud pies in the sandbox to come along for a weekend of debauchery and Cirque de Soleil, to which he was more than willing to agree to. So I said to Natalie that this was beginning to sound like a storyboard for a “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” commercial-two longtime friends alone in Sin city! Blowing on each other’s dice! To which Natalie scoffed because for as long as I’ve known her she’s sworn that she and her friend are strictly friends and never once has she had the thought of taking it to the next level. And the thought quite honestly makes her sick to her stomach. So me being the fun person that I am, inquired that what if he’s been secretly in love with her all these years, and has been waiting in the wings for the chance to cross the line… I think Natalie was queasy at this point as she went on to say that she could never imagine herself walking down the aisle to her friend…but no one is talking about marriage, just fcuking a friend who has known you since you were brace faced and acne riddled.

You see folks, I find it very hard to believe that males and females can just be friends; so Natalie-n-friend just doesn’t make any sense to me. I guess because, for me myself personally I don’t have any male friends who have just been my friend. Not saying that every male I know wants to do me…but of the males who I have spent time with, let them get to see Amaretto with all the rights and privileges that that entails…there was always that one moment or one conversation when nerve was mustered and a proposition was made. Please don’t get me wrong, I have male friends now that I can hang out with and shoot the breeze with…but our relationship was formed after my shock wore off and I was like “Dude? Really? We’re just friends.” And into the friend zone we go…

And I’d totally be playing myself if I didn’t admit that there are several of these same fellas that I decide to spend my time with that I have thought about in more than the platonic way. Doesn’t the old adage state the friends make the best lovers? So who better to fantasize about than the guy who can make you laugh, helped you bury your skeletons, knows you are crazy and still sticks around? And so knowing of my own secretly lustful thoughts about some of the fellas I know, Natalie claiming that thinking of her friend in that way makes her sick is a fact that’s hard for me to believe, let alone buy.

I think I need to give Natalie a copy of When Harry Met Sally. Can men and women just be friends? It seems to be the question we all ask ourselves after we ponder why we are here on Earth. I think that there was always a moment when one person in a multi-gender friendship felt that Platonic was a four letter word that block them from possibly the best relationship they could have ever had.

I am of the thinking that everyone has thought about poking or being poked by their buddy of the opposite sex at least once…right?


See You In Seven

Can Stella Really Get Her Groove Back At 28?!?!

Over the weekend, I heard a lady use these words “Go girl get your groove on Stella!” to a friend of mine who is 28.

(perplexed face) I asked “Shouldn’t you still have your groove at 28?”

Come on now, if we got people saying 40 is the new 30, how can you be a Stella at 28? I mean Stella was 40 and Winston was 20. She (my friend) is 28 and dude is 19. Sounds about right if you ask me (chuckle) given the situation.

My friend, Alvania is a recent divorcee of a 7 year marriage with no children. At times, I think she has been through more than the average woman in her 20s. At 25, she realized her best friend was no longer her buddy and what the nay-sayers said at the beginning of their marriage came to fruition. “You are too young to get married!” But that is the past and Alvania learned lessons that some of us may never learn in life.

She is finally free to start again. Shred the skin of her past life and start a new. And before she knew it, trying new hobbies started new circles and new circles brought new friends. And this weekend one new young, fine, brown-eyed, chocolate toned brother made it his mission to make a slightly older sista realize some people blossom later in life. How is it that this barely legal boy was able to do this? (I have no idea!! This is where you weigh in folks.)

The whole situation didn’t just make Alvania blush...but it made me blush. (chuckle) Dang! Even though this feeling was second hand, if this is anything like the feeling an older man gets when a young philly accepts his date or what Stella felt when Winston wouldn’t end his pursuit…do your thing girl!

THANK YOU young boy because you reminded Alvania, that she never lost her groove. And like I said earlier, can you REALLY loose your groove at 28?

My response “Pleeze…no one on the corner has swagga like moi!” (age is not a factor.)

swagger like us - t.i. ft kanye west, jay-z & lil wayne

Until next week...peace :)

Courvoisier

There's Something About Firstloves...

There are three songs that without a doubt will make me think of my ex. They are: Total’s, Kissing You; 112’s, Cupid and Lauryn Hill’s, The Sweetest Thing. Yes, all songs circa 1996-7. Because this ex who always pops into my mind when I hear these songs, as it has become the unofficial soundtrack of our relationship, was my first real boyfriend, my first love.

We attended the same church. He was the son of a preacher man who loved to walk on the wild side. Yes, he was a “bad boy.” I mean as bad as you can get growing up in the suburbs. He had flirted with me numerous times, but I had paid him no mind. I was at the end of my freshman year, he is junior year, so he seemed sooo old to me. But he was oh so fine. And all the girls loved him. For realz. You remember how it was back then. Anyway. One Friday we got to talking while at a youth function at the church. As we left, I making my way home, he on his way to the go-go club because for him the night was still young, he said to me, “is your number in the church directory?” “Yes,” I said. “I’ma call you.” I didn’t believe him. That was Friday. He called me that Sunday. My older cousin who lived with us answered the phone. “You wanna speak to who,” she asked quizzically. I knew instantly that it was him. We spoke on the phone that Sunday night about who knows what – school, parents, why the sky is blue. And we kept right on talking, for the next few days, months, a year. And somewhere in there we were official boyfriend and girlfriend. And I was in love. And damn I still remember this twelve years later. Ask anyone, Rum Punch don’t remember nathin.

But with him I remember conversations until dawn. Dates to the movies and “fancy” chain restaurants. Sneaking around to see him because I knew my mom would think that he was too old for me. Reading my writing to him. Kissing him in his car. Cutting school and waiting for him to pick me up because he had a half day schedule. Accusations of cheating and silent treatment. A sweet birthday card he gave me that I have now lost. Dreams of being together forever and ever and ever. Him telling me that he loved me. Me saying it back. Him breaking my heart. Me being crushed. But always enthralled with him.

Over the years we would lose touch with one another, see each other again, and fall right back into each other’s arms. I knew that it would never work. He was not right for me. We belonged to two entirely different worlds. I could never come down to his and he wouldn’t dare come up to mine. But I couldn’t quite shake him because whenever he looked at me, really looked at me with that come hither look in his eyes, I would melt and become 15 years old all over again. And maybe he too was transported back to that time we had been together, so many years ago.

Even as I had other boyfriends, suitors, lovers, there was always something about him. I was still connected to him. And I feel that in some way I always will be. Maybe it’s because at 15, love was just a word and that yummy/soft feeling you got when that person was around you. It was pure. Simple. Not what it becomes as you get older. Tainted. Filled with conditions. Suspicious. Scary. Uncertain. Difficult. Weighed down with baggage. Brewing with needs, expectations and hopes. The definition expands and contracts, depending on who you ask, how you feel, where you been, where you trying to go, what kinda love you want, thus making things more and more complicated.

But, shit at fifteen, it was easy. That boy, who is now a man, was delicious and dangerous. Being with him was fulfilling and free. It was beautiful and plain. It was a girl giving her heart away for the first time, without knowing all the consequences that come with that. The price that has to be paid. The lessons that have to be learned. A girl with her heart in her hand, her hand extended to him, happily/foolishly/effortlessly giving it to him. Expecting and needing little in return. And oh so content with what she received. Ahhh to first loves!

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

all things being (un)equal

The other night Rum Punch and I were sippin on some $2 cocktails and discussing love and relationships as we are often known to do. This fine night we landed on the subject of who should love who more in a relationship – the man or the woman? Our informal poll yielded the following results:

the MAN - 2

the WOMAN - nada

Now the EEOC love police would immediately cry foul. The love between a man and a woman should be equal. Not talkin' bout 60-40, not no 70-30 but 50-50 love. But reality bites!

Just like salaries, shoe sizes and body parts, men and women are not created equal. Mix in personality differences and varying life experiences and you will find that when two people get together in a relationship, one person is bound to be feeling the other person, be caught up in the rapture at least a teeny tiny bit more than the other person. Such is life.

And if I have a say in the matter, I want my husband to love me more. Tis the only way.

The man just has to the love the woman more. He has to adore her. In his heart and in his soul, he's got be thinking, Until the end of time I’ll be there for you, you own my heart and mind, I truly adore you. (c) Prince. If it’s about her, he has to be about it. Here's why:

Because men, by their nature, are prone to have a wandering eye. There might be some exceptionally diligent and thoughtful men out there but on the whole by their nature men like to look. They are physical visual creatures. If an attractive woman crosses their path they will look or at least think about looking. That’s why male rape is laughable. That’s why when they cheat they say it didn't mean anything. So to counteract this natural tendency toward cheating and unfaithfulness there has to be some countervailing force, some thing so strong that makes a man want to be faithful above all else. If he adores his girl/wife and he loves her with all his heart, he’ll be less likely to cheat. He’ll consider her feelings more often and more strongly before he lets his mind go too far down that path.

Contrastingly if the woman loves the man more then SHE will be more prone to that countervailing force, that faithfulness will act upon her in a cooresponding and oftentimes devastating way. Women by their nature love hard, love strong and love in the face of adversity, common sense and sometimes all reason. We love even when love didn’t bring his ass home last night. We love creeping down behind the bar watching from across the room when he said he was working late. We love over indiscretions and slights. And so if we love that man more (and he knows it), it’s a wrap! Because that greater love will translate to unfailing faithfulness.

So like I said if I had a choice he'd love me more.

what say you?