The Independent Clause

Have you seen Chris Rock's I Think I Love My Wife? If not, you should. It's pretty funny. The basic premise is that Chris Rock is living the bland marriage life. He's just regular. Has a regular mid level job at a financial type place. Lives in a regular house in the suburbs. Has a regular wife with two regular kids. "Enjoys" regular outings with other couples who talk about regular shyt. Just regular, regular, regular. The old folk might call it blessed. But whatev. So in comes the one and only Kerry Washington. She is an ex-girlfriend of one of Chris's friends. Now the details of how they meet back up are fuzzy in my mind. But she just pops up, looking all fine, bringing fun and excitement (or drama depending on how you view how much water is in the glass), and a break from the monotony. Chris is taken. And thus begins his downward spiral.

However, throughout the film, it would appear that Ms. Kerry can do nothing for herself. She is helpless, hapless and from where I sit pretty much useless. She can't get a job on her own and asks him to be reference. Forget the fact that they haven't seen each other in years. Or that it was for a basic hostess position. She can't move out her ex-boyfriend's apartment by herself and asks Chris to accompany her on a quick trip from NYC to DC. More drama happens. She can't find a place that she's going to have to live in by herself, on her own. She doesn't know how to spend her days by herself and makes drive by visits to his office to pass the time or get taken to lunch.While the underlying reason for all this is because she's a lil huzzy who is playing the 'let's see how long it takes to get him to fcuk me' game, let's focus on her lack of want or desire to do for self.

Now while I try to shun all labels, unless they come on purses or shoes, I do like to think that I'm a relatively independent Black woman. Not on some, "I don't need no man, I can do bad all by myself" type mess. But also not on some, "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers," type craziness either. But falling somewhere in between. I will ask a male friend to move that heavy couch, kill that bug, or change that flat tire. But if ain't none available, and it's just me and the ladies, I guess we better get to lifting, squashing and changing. Or at least calling AAA. Or this place. It's not that I despise women who can't do for self. I mean, hey who am I to knock your hustle? Your livelihood. But it does tend to irk. And annoy. And if Mint Julep was tellin ho's to sit down yesterday, well these type of chicks make me wanna yell, "ho, stand on your own two!"

Like for real. This independentphobe, (yes look it up, it's the antonym to commitmentphobe,) behavior is pretty hard to watch. A woman who always needs a man. And will take any man. A single man. A cute man. A chunky man with low self esteem. An old man with a pension. Yo man. Needs, begs, demands someone to help her with any and everything, including the seemingly simple things in life. And I wanna be like, "daggone it, if I had to master these tasks, you should learn how to as well!" I mean for the love of all that is righteous and holy, ladies can we please put our pennies together and open a vocational school, to teach these chicks that it's about time they learned how to take care of number one? Cause when it's all said and done, that's all you got. All that's promised from now until your last day. And then once that fundamental truth is taught, have them sign up to take other classes like:

1. I Get So Lonely: How to Live on Your Own and Enjoy It! A step-by-step guide on how to find your own place, pay your own rent, and then enjoy your own company.
2. Throw Your Hands Up At Me: Take Pride in Doing Things on Your Own!
3. I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t, Do You Know What That Mean Wo-man? Learn How To Be With These 5 Easy Steps!
4. I Am Woman Hear Me Roar: Learning How to Read the Instructions and then Put Together Your Own Furniture! - A Hands On Class
5. At Your Best: You are Love(ly) On Your Own.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friay!