Just Wright... Is Just Right for Me

This past weekend I went to see Just Wright. I L-O-V-E-D it!

Yes, it was cliche and yes, you know how the story ends but I enjoyed watching it unfold the way it did. This movie has all my favorites in it... shall I list them? Listed in no particular order.

Queen Latifah
Common
Phylicia Rashad
Paula Patton
Pam Grier
Mehcad Brooks

... and many more.

I will admit, I love black romantic comedies and this one is long over due. Love Jones and Brown Sugar have been on repeat in my DVD player for the longest and I can't wait for this to be released on DVD so I can add this to the collection. This movie manages to go back and forth between reality and fantasy without annoying me.

I will admit though that Common could have been replaced by someone else but it was refreshing to see a new face and it was a good opportunity for him. And I am okay with that too... he is cute.

QL on the other hand was HILARIOUS to me without turning into a Tyler Perry character. She was funny, sassy, strong, attractive and real but I am not going to lie, she seemed uncomfortable when it was time for her to be a lady. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that she really knew how to be completely 'fem'. Something about the scene in the bed that didn't ring true but I have always had this problem with QL. So who would I cast instead of QL? NO one. She is the best we got out there right now. I thought maybe Jill Scott but I can't image Jill being sporty at all! That would be a stretch. And there is J Hudd but we all know she isn't the best actress so QL it is. Thank god there aren't too many lovey dovey scences in the movie because that would have ruined it. There is just a enough.

Besides the acting this movie touches on a few of my favorite topics of discussion. Paula Patton's character lives up to our expectations about women with sole mission in life is to marry rich athletes. Although it was interesting see Paula dolled-up all the time, I found her character to be pathethic and extremely believable. Especially after I have spent the whole week reading and thinking about this whole idea of male sponsorship. Don't get me wrong, I understand the beauty of the idea but this strategy of obtaining a life-time sponsor is like playing to lotto everyday instead of investing in your 401k for retirement, for me. Could we work on making sure you and the targeted prey of choice run in the same circle as you? Similar to the chick who goes to law school to find the lawyer/future politian. (chuckle) When Paula said that she wanted to become a brand, I was like why don't you focus on that first? I found it more exciting that QL's character's career had the opportunity to blossom based on her hard work not that she was about to get with an athlete. Or maybe that is the Capricorn in me?

I also, thought it was fun how the movie pointed out how one's vision can be so clouded by appearances. Without giving away anymore of the movie (because I would love for you to check it out)... Common's character knew the deal but was just so confused. Why does it have to take loosing or almost loosing someone to get the point? Ordinary just doesn't seem as appealing.(sigh) To be human.

Much luv until next week peace :)

P.S. Rum Punch and Amaretto, I have decided Amir is an art collector and I can't wait to meet him. (chuckle)

Ghetto video track of the week.... no wonder the young girls are confused?!?!

A Vested Interest

Last week when I was hanging out with dude who was talmbout maybe getting back together with his ex. The main reason was because he wanted a chick in his life to do things with. But if he did not get back with his ex, he then said verbatim, “For real I just want a chick I can hang out with. But she pays for her own stuff…” While I did my best to not look at him as if he had two heads, he regaled me with this delightful tale:

His mama’s friend has a niece attending a local university for grad school. The elders gathered and thought he and this girl, let’s call her Poor Thing should meet. They were first introduced at a holiday gathering. The next time they see each other – they’re both just out in the streets. She orders some food for herself and pays. The third time, he specifically suggests they go see Avatar. Poor Thing arrives to the theatre (probably after being boosted by her auntie that he’s a good dude, so nice, who owns his own home honey, and so on) and he says to her, “Yo. So, I just bought my ticket. I’m fina get our 3-d glasses. You go ‘head buy your ticket and then meet me at the popcorn stand.” Poor thing.

Crickets. Then laughter from Rum Punch. I then look around to see if anyone got this on video. For shame. They did not. And then he says,

Cause I knew man. I knew that if I paid, then she would want me to pay every.single.time.we.went.out.

Prolly so. But um errr I don’t know if that was the best way to handle the situation. Cause apprently it got back around to his folk that he is, "a cheap muhfcuka". Heh. And so now he’s on the hunt for a chick who will willingly pay her own way. “Good luck with that,” I said.

Look, I know that it’s hard out here for a pimp. And for a man with a regular job, who knows to be respectful enough to take a chick out to dinner and a show ‘fore asking her to drop 'dem draws. But it’s y’alls job to pay. It just is. And I know it ain't always right. Or fair. And it sucks (I'm guessing). But I have found a man who agrees and pretty much shut downs any naysayers.

In my eyes, any man worth his weight in salt will insist on picking up the tab when he takes a woman out. And I’m not talking just about when dating our courting. I mean if two platonic friends go out, the man picks up the tab. If a man goes out with a female coworker for appetizers and drinks to talk business, the man picks up the tab. If a man takes his sister or female cousin out, he picks up the tab. That’s just what I believe, right or wrong....For men who believe in pseudo-traditionalist roles, like me, it is his job to protect women, period. Not just women you want to sleep with, not just women you love, but every woman who entrusts herself to your company is now under your charge to be cared for.

Cause on the real the best thing about my male cousin coming to town a few months ago (aside being able to kick it with him) was that he paid for every-thang. Everythang? Everythang! Baby! Drinks, dinner, more drinks, and after I drove around for 10 minutes looking for parking, he said, “please find a lot. I’ll pay.” Sweetest words in the English language. Lol. And obviously he’s not trying to woo me, he just has common sense.

“The truth is,” I said to dude, “is that no chick is just gonna hang with you for kicks for a long stretch of time. This ain’t high school. People got goals.” And they usually involve marriage and baby carriages. And as you get older, and dating becomes more tiresome, that next person you meet who seems cool enough to see again, at least once, becomes a potential investment. And time and yes money spent with and on them determines their value.

Return on your investment in dating terms becomes – if you ain’t spending no money on me, then why am I spending my time with you? I mean I can go to the movies with my homegirls. Hit up a happy hour solo and find a nig who'll buy me a drink. Or the tried and true Rum Punch method: flirt with the bartenders. You ain't that great company, my nygga.

This is not to say that women should be gold diggers and stick nigs (especially everyday, regular ones who are just tryna make it) for their paper. Or that they should never offer to pay. Or treat their man. Or shoooot buy the snacks, while he buys the tickets. But this is to say that in this dating/courtship two step, you have to invest to earn interest.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Time Keeps on Slipping

So a couple weeks ago I was watching 60 minutes and Andy Rooney aka “Eyebrows” as Rum Punch calls him was opining about the passage of time.

He felt time flied because we are constantly looking forward to what is going to happen next. Months that we don’t have anything planned, some to drag along. When it was February and there is 3 feet of snow on the ground and how many of us wished that it was a lovely spring day in May? *Amaretto raises her hand* And well now May is here and I wonder what happened to March and April. How many parents, while sitting in their cubicles all year long for that nice family summer vacation, only to then wonder when their kids are going back to school? But it’s hard to live in the moment, especially since no one teaches us how to do it. We learn that we have to prepare for tests, and get into college to get a good job, so we can make money. But how many of us are taught to stop and smell the roses. Or at least appreciate the monotomy of life. Eyebrows was stating that it’s these lazy days that make time last longer.

And yet while I sit in my cubicle I am already thinking about the graduations, birthday parties, weekend getaways and cookout that will span the summer months. And once it’s all said and done I’ll be thinking about the holidays and then the new year in which I will turn 30! And in all of this planning I wonder what moments I’ve missed out on? Today was just a regular ole Tuesday. Went to work, surfed the net, goofed off with coworks, ate, watched some random sketch comedy show on TV that made me laugh. And now I’m rushing to come up with something before Tuesday is over.

And I can honestly say that I never looked forward to Tuesday, May 11th, but it’s time in my life that I’ll never get back and I’m going to try to appreciate that.

See You In Seven

Can we get a book about that?

There has been a lot of talk lately about single women and how are standards may be too high.... so I decided to conduct a little experiment. I have nothing to loose. I was raised to believe that man is supposed to be able to provide and protect. Or as my friend would say, "She is looking for a man who is financially and emotionally secure and mature." I hear that! But as of late, I feel as if the response for wanting these quality means that our standards are too high. So let's just say I put those standards aside, which I did for the past few months. Give me a second while I explain what I got.

1. The ex-husband with a younger girlfriend who wants to know if we could take me out. Meets me on the train in the morning and decides he wants to ride the same train with me in the evening. After a 1 hour waiting on me to finish work and a 1.5 hour train ride, he realizes I am not laying with his old behind, he has yet to call me back. Now if I had gone with my gut reaction there wouldn't have been no riding home together. But no harm, no foul... I had a good time chatting and laughing on the way home that Friday night.

2. Young boy stops me on my way into the office, tells me he wants to take me out on the town but can't pick up the phone to call. Instead he text and asks if I live by myself and if he could come over. URGH! I told him that was inappropriate and I was not interested in being his whore. I have enough D1cks to choose from, thank you. And you wonder why I treat you like just another dude!

3. Lastly, a 36 year old who is unsure about almost everything in his life. (sigh) Too exhausted to type the rest but he is the only sign of potential.

Don't get me wrong, the time spent entertaining all three of these men was delightful but nothing I am willing to invest in. So much energy is spent on women bettering themselves to find a good man. When am I going to hear a brother say I am trying to get my ish together so I can attract a certain caliber of woman. Or is there no need to because there are more women than men in the world?

Can we get a book about that? (sigh)

Much luv until next week peace :)

My Eyes Are Green Cause I Eats A Lot of Vegetables

Earlier this week my cousin (another one who’s like a big brother to me) revealed that he is planning on proposing to his girlfriend this weekend. Squeaaal! He just turned 30 years old and had revealed the last time we saw each other that he was ready to settle down and have a family. So this was not a total surprise. Congrats, I said.

And then he emailed me a picture of the ring. Now why you wanna go and do that? It’s everything you would expect from an ‘every kiss begins with Kay’s’ and “he went to Jarred”, commercial. “Awww,” was my reply.

Then Wednesday night I went out with a guy friend and he talmbout how he and his ex girlfriend had rekindled and now she wants to get back together. He wasn’t so sure. Because on the one hand he feels more productive when he’s by himself and can really get on his grind work wise, but on the other hand he also likes the comfort of being in a relationship. And having someone to well you know do stuff with. And how come we as a people never address the fact that men hate to be alone? That women keep coming off as the "weak" ones cause we lament about our lack of dates, but still keep charging through this thing life - whereas this nig can't even go one month without some type of female companionship in his life. But as usual I digress. I sat and listened, keeping my thoughts to myself, but all signs pointed to them getting back together.

And then yesterday my cousin revealed that he was headed to Jamaica because that’s where he is planning on proposing. Hold up. Wait a minute! You left out that part of the story. For real though. You are going to a sunny island, with an awesome ring in your pocket, probably gonna plan some uber romantic way to propose and then propose?!? That’s how you gon’ do it? My response to him. Verbatim: Well alright. I’m fina head to church for this meeting. Then I’ma lay myself across the altar. And then head home and have a good cry. But you have fun!

And just like that without warning the green eyed monster reared its ugly head. Funny how that little bastard just pops up, like “yo yo yo it’s been a minute since we’ve seen each other. Who we hatin’ on today?” Everybody, green eyed monster. Everybody who has them a somebody. Sigh. Of course that’s not right. Of course you shouldn’t say those kinds of things. Of course you should stay positive. And know that God has something better for you. And that there’s someone out there just for you. Yeah! And whatever else is supposed to keep single women calm and away from cliffs.

But sometimes in the right now, when you don’t have a crystal ball, or real prospects, when you wake up in a house by yourself and don’t speak to a single soul until you arrive to work, when you carry the heavy load of life in your own two hands, in your pocketbook and sometimes on your back, when it’s been such a long time you forgot that you were fine, and when you’ve been alone for so long that you can’t even conceive what it would be like to be able to put down your bags and lean on someone else, it sucks. Period. Point blank. Sucks.

There are meaningful words of encouragement dispensed by friends who want only the best for you. There are pastors who deliver sermons on how God never meant for anyone to be alone that are meant to be comforting, but can sometimes have you questioning, wrestling with your own faith. And there are people who don’t understand who will tell you to buck up, get it together grouch, unball yourself from outta that corner, who can’t comprehend what exactly you’re going through (cause your life isn’t bad at all) because the truth is sometimes you can’t even comprehend that you can go through this life working, laughing, and pirouetting, thinking you are totally fine, but all this time loneliness has covertly been seeping into your insides and then working its way back out, so that by the time you realize what’s happening, you can feel it all over your body, from the hairs that stand up on your arms, to your pulsating fingertips, all the way into the polish that covers your toenails.

It is a sadness that you hope passes. And eventually it does. Brownies help. A good cry in the dark does wonders. Prayer works. Mental health days give you peace. Shifting the negative energy into something else (a hobby, exercise, a rum & coke - heh) makes you feel a wee bit better. Stuffing the green eyed monster back into his cage and putting on the padlock is a good starting place. Continuing to smile until even you believe it is so necessary. Resuming the working, laughing, and the pirouetting, so your eyes can return to their normal color.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

first comes baby, then comes marriage

So this guy I used to know (and kick it with) is getting married in a few weeks. When I found out, you coulda knocked me over with a feather. Sure, marriage is the new black (along with bitches and bowties on bougie black men) but dude is 24. A young 24. A just outta college still trying to figure out his life 24.

And then I heard that his girlfriend was pregnant and that might be the reason for the quick nuptials. And I couldn't stop laughing. Cause this dude used to tell me how he wasn't ready for no kids, no serious relationships, no ties till he got into and finished grad school. Or maybe it was just me.

And he's not the only person I know rushing down the aisle after the boo came up preggers. I've heard a few stories about similar situations. But really!?! Where dey do dat at? The whole "we gots to get married cause we got ourselves pregnant by accident" thing.

First off, accidental pregnancies are the unicorns that people create to explain their inability to use the beaucoup forms of birth control available to them. If you are over the age of 25 (or even 21), you aint accidentally becoming pregnant. You want that baby, somewhere in the depths of your "I'm gon make this man marry me by having his baby" soul.

Secondly, why folks still rushing to the altar to hide an unseemly bastard child? It's 2010. We've seen enough marriages disintegrate after years of making it work till the kids go to college. Don't get me wrong. If ya'll love each other and were gonna do the damn thing at some point anyway, then getting all the way turnt up together for life is fine by me.

But marrying to erase the shame just seems so 1920's. Or 1980's. Or damn sure not 2010's. It just feels like NOT the best way to start a marriage. But what do I know? I've never been married or accidentally pregnant.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

fillin' up crates

folks my office is moving and Bellini nees to pack her crates.
the movers will be here in 48 hours, so i got work to do...



i'll catch ya next week...


cheers,

Bellini