The Yielded Rage

Greetings and Salutations Everybody! How you? When was the last time I posted? Shameful, I know. But I am finally back in the office and I have something to write about so let’s begin shall we?

My question is what is the deal with old people who happen to be white and males? You don’t have to brace yourself for a classic Amaretto rant-well maybe you do…

So picture this, Washington National Airport Security check line. My flight leaves for the A in 40 minutes and the line resembles those of bread lines during the Great Depression. At this point I am confident I am gonna make my flight. So I stand in line entertaining myself by people watching and wondering what destinations others are heading to. I’ve shown my boarding pass and ID and waiting for the fun exciting part of throwing my stuff in a tub and taking off my shoes. Can I just say that I find the shoe removal absolutely absurd, unsanitary and not a good look for a girl who does not have the cutest toes! But alas, they can scan down to our under roos these days, so a proper pedi should be the least of my worries. But anyway, the shoes have been removed and the tub has been filled and I am waiting for the dude in front of me to push his crap onto the conveyer belt when…

This old white man saunters in front of me and proceeds to take off his shoes. Notice there is no exclamation point, because I’m down with the elderly and not having them stand in line, I know elderly people. My grandmother is elderly and should be afforded some perks. But I’m mad because as I stand and wait for dude to fill his tub, remove his belt, his shoes, and the 50 eleven things from his pockets (I swear he was taking out lint with his loose change-seriously!) not one time did this old white man say thank you, excuse me or give me a head nod of acknowledgement! And as he continued to do his thing I could feel the fire burn in my belly as he took his dear sweet time with me, ever waiting for the moment where he said Thanks. And so began the war within between me getting my spork out and then remembering that he’s old so there should be a level of yielding and respect. But I’m sorry just because you are old doesn’t mean can just do what you want and think the world owes you something cause you’re still here! And it made me think about my college friend who felt that White people had this ability to just totally ignore you when you are right in front of them. At the time I thought she was a little paranoid, but now I don’t know because my mind keeps thinking this scenario would have been different if he cut in front of the blonde white girl standing behind me.

This could just be my issue I know-but oh the joys of blogging I get to care and share with you all!

I just can’t tell ya’ll how much I wanted to tell his hearing aid wearing, liver spots having, Medicaid collecting, alive during World War II self that he was just as wrong as he is rude, peppered with some choice words guaranteed to shed some tears! But alas, I’m a Christian trying to be and do better and I didn’t want some TSA dude to think that my barefoot self could be a threat to anyone. So I just kept my tact and shaming commentary to myself. Made my flight and remembered that every old white man isn’t like this dude. Right? Right!

See You In Seven

Men and Women as Friends

Can single men and women be friends?

Usually I answer that question with "Yes" but as of late, I feel like there is something about single men and women that can be misunderstood. For example...

I am chilling texting with a guy friend about how I am too lazy to get up and get something to eat. I say, you want to bring me some of that food you threw down a half hour ago. He says, not a problem. I am thinking "sweet, free grub!"

Here comes the details:

1. It is after 10:30 pm and I am in my jammies.

2. He has never been to my house before but I have been to his for a one or two parties.

Is this appropriate?

In my mind, it is all good if we're just friends... but I ain't slow, so I know food and liquor on a late Saturday night at someone's house could quickly go in the opposite direction.

So my response was "Hmm... I am just going to tough it out and eat some water ice."

His response, was "I am on my way!"

Again, I am saying "Sure and bring the food."

But, I am not trying to lead nobody on... so I have to fall back because unlike when we were kids, words and actions aren't as innocent as they use to be. I know a lot of guys who would interpret my "Sure and bring the food" as a night filled with a whole lot of potential.

Am I wrong for this conclusion?

I am not so sure... especially since Amaretto has told me before I have a lot of male friends that she thinks if the situation was slightly different, they would try and holla.

Much love until next week peace :)

In Yo' Face

Do y’all know what makes me laugh/sticks in my craw/grinds my gears the mostest? No of course y’all don’t, so let me tell y’all. People who are dumb. No, scratch that. People who like to play dumb. Or maybe it’s people who have no self awareness about themselves. Or people who don’t want to face facts and subsequently reality. Or people who wanna act like their ish don’t stink. And you wanna be like, "well lean a lil' bit closer cause roses really smell like..." What? Everybody sing!

Here’s where I’m at. My co-“worker”, y’all remember her – well she’s still not doing any work. Whatev. I’ve made peace with that fact. Well yesterday she met with our boss to discuss next steps for the year and apparently our boss told her that our big manager and Deputy Director have observed that her work “bestie” is frequently over in our area chatting with her. “Can you believe that,” she said to me in what I’m hoping was a fake tizzy. (And then she continued to gripe about it this morning!!) “That’s crazy,” I responded. But really.

C’MON SON!

You don’t do noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo work! And everybody knows this. So, don’t you think that this is these white women’s path of least bytch ass resistance? They scared, so they won’t call YOU out on not working. So they’ll blame it on your homegirl. Maybe if she weren’t in your area soo much… then you would do some work. Yeah whatever. That ain't happening. But her actin' ignorant and oblivious has me lookin at her sideways. Literally. I have to tilt my neck when I'm talkin' to her cause she's not making sense.

So, yeah this is the same woman who talks so loud on the phone that I know that the main reason she decided to sell her house is because they closed down the KFC in her neighborhood, but she stay making sounds of annoyance if someone raises their voice above a whisper. The same woman who has practically no hair who still makes the conscious decision to wear a weave and let the tracks show, but is quick to talk about someone’s outfit, cheap shoes, or bad hair day. The same woman who just this morning asked about this portly guy who has a baby on the way – “who gave him some?” While I been sitting at my desk wondering this whole time who gave YOU some thus causing you to be somebody’s mommy!!

And it makes me wonder about people who can see everyone else so clearly, but not themselves. Who have an opinion about what everyone else is doing, ain’t doing, need to do to get they life right – meanwhile you looking at them like homie, do you need a mirror? I mean I have a small one in my purse, just to get us started. Yes, I think that unless our names are Jesus Christ, there is a part of us (some small, some HUGE) that judges people. I know so many of us fix our lips, crack our knuckles, and get into a fighting stance, when we got something good bad to say bout somebody. And while I know that I am nowhere near perfect, here’s what I also know about myself:

I am a true a Leo who can be terribly selfish on Monday. And yet totally selfless on Thursday. I can’t whisper. And I have a loud laugh. I lurve, lurve, lurve to wear cute skirts and dresses paired with unique shoes and handbags. And I know when I look fierce! And when my hair looks a mess. I can make all kinds of people laugh. I like pina coladas and laughter in the rain. Neither of those things is true. I have done some ho ish in my lifetime. I have held grudges. And I have played dirty. I know when I don’t be working hard. And when I don’t be working at all. Like right now as I type this post… I can be a know-it-all. And I can be shy. I am nice. But when I'm mean, you don't want it with me. I empathize. And I judge. And I am full of opinions and contradictions.

But one of the crucial things I think I've realized as I get grown is the importance of seeing where you fit, your part, your responsibility, your role in the equation of life. It can't always be somebody else's fault. Pointing fingers, being catty, playing the blame game - those are all easy - that inner work - that's hard. And maybe people don't do it because they know what they'll find, they know it won't be pretty, and they don't like it.

But it's always gonna be easier and seemingly make you feel better, when you make someone else lower. Bring them down a peg or two. Smile in their face and talk about them as they walk away. Recently after I sent a friendly email to a co-worker who is not known for being friendly, crazy co-worker told me that I am just too nice. Heh. Mkay. If only she knew what I be keepin inside. But I just smiled and nodded. Cause you know what they say, if you ain't got nuffin' nice to say. Say nuffin.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

keep it on the down low?

i've been having these debates about relationships that lead to the questions, the questions cause that's what it's all about. (plus i can't muster a "real" post to save my life.)  this week's question:

would you say something to your homegirl if the man she was dating seemed gay to you?

and now for the twists:

would it matter if he was flaming or just suspect?
would it matter if she introduced him to you before the first date or after she had made him her boo?
would it matter how close you were to her?
would it matter if you just suspected he was gay or would you have to have "proof" of his sexuality?

would you want our friends to tell you if they thought the man you were dating was gay?

Enroute to Broadway

Hey folks, unfortunately I can't chat. I'm enroute to see the Broadway production "Fela". I'm sure I'll have a story for you next week. Stay cool in the meantime. Cheers, Bellini P.S. I apologize if the text appears ill-formatted, I'm communicating with the crackBerry.

29 and Thankful

I have been watching MTV’s Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant pretty regularly. I should be ashamed of this, but I am not. Lol. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about – these shows are chronicling teens’ experiences with being pregnant and/or raising babies.

Anyway. Every time I watch I find myself yelling at the TV. And here’s why. Cause it’s just too much for my senses and has me wondering where the heck the parents are.

Let me tell y’all something about Mama Rum Punch. She crazy! At least that’s what my 16 year old self thought. And for real, for real, that’s what my 29 (whew first time writin it out!) thinks too! My mama had these vague “rules” that at the time seemed sooo unfair to me – but when I look back over my life – Mama knew what was up.

Rule #1 - The Power of the “Random” No – Let’s say someone was gonna have a party on Friday night. And something else fun and exciting was going on Saturday night. Score, I would think to myself. It’s gonna be a great weekend. Run the plans by mama. She would say point blank, “you can go to one of those events, but not both.” What the fuss?!?! I would storm off in a huff. She ain’t care. I would come back to the dining room table, there she would be working on her crossword puzzle or drinking her coffee all cool and calm. “So for real though, I can’t do both?” “No, Rummy.” Well damn. This taught me a few lessons. 1. You don’t get everything you want out of life. But more importantly 2. that you don’t have to do it all. Sometimes you need quiet time. Rest time. You time. Family time. Read a book and enjoy your own company time. One thing that just sticks in my craw is that my 17 year old cousin stays havin’ the following status updates on The Book – “in da house. Chillin. Bored. Need sumthin to do.” ARGGGG!!!! I soo want to be like, READ A BOOK! So yeah. Big ups mama.

Rule #2: - Boyfriend? What you talkin’ bout Willis? – Sometimes on the shows the girls will say they have been dating their baby daddy for 3 years. I do the math. So you mean to tell me y’all been dating since you were 13?! And your parents approved of such?! And these girls be serious too. All in “love”. Get mad cause he “cheated” two years ago. How can you cheat on someone at 14?!?! I wish I could have told my mom this was my boyfriend and we were going to the movies! Or we're gonna sit up in my room with the door closed. Heeeee! My mama woulda beat the yellow off me.

My mom had a rule that I couldn’t date anyone two years older than me. Same grade or a year older. (Which funny I tuned into the Bmore morning show this morning and the therapist they had on there talking about teen dating said the same) I was pissed! But now I understand.

Now did I always follow my mom’s rules? Looks at camera and says, “No! Of course not!” But I think what they helped keep me grounded, look at things from a practical manner and not get in too deep. Looking back she seemed to be trying to just get me to enjoy being a teen. All that grown up lovey dovey stuff, ‘nig you ain’t ish’ would come soon enough. I distinctly remember being in 9th grade and “dating” this guy in 11th (yeah I know, I know) – and some chick thought she was dating him too. This girl’s friend accosted me in the hallway. My friends were then tryna fight said girl at the end of the school day. I was like, “uhhhh… I’m fina go home. But y’all can fight her if you wanna.” Even then I knew nigs weren’t worth fighting for. Lmao!

Grown up me now understands that my mom was aware of dangers and pitfalls that my 16 year old self couldn’t even conceive. Knew the hidden curves, dark alleys, dead end streets up ahead, while all I saw was easy street. Was just tryna ground me, so I could eventually fly.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

question of the day: "dating" someone at "work"?

so a co-worker and i had a debate about whether you should "date" someone at your "work."  as a generic and abstract principle the overwhelming majority of people (myself included) would say no.  but there are exceptions to every unwritten rule and in this particular situation the terms "date" and "work" aren't quite so clear.

here's the deal:

i work in a legal office.  attorneys in my office are in court every day.  we interact with people at court like judges, district attorneys, sheriffs deputies, file clerks, court staff and random defendants.  some of these folks we see once and never again.  others we see on a daily basis and in my head i call the regulars the court characters (or "cc").  a co-worker, we'll call her newbie, was recently approached by one of the court character's and asked "to go out sometime."  this cc was very respectful in his approach.  newbie turned him down.politely but then came to my other co-worker, ms. goody, for advice about whether she should have accepted the cc's date offer.

ms. goody told newbie she did the right thing.  Her reasons were two-fold: that newbie shouldn't date someone she works with and that if she said yes to this cc, all the other cc's would try to holla at newbie on the regular.

when ms. goody told me about what happened, i told her i saw the situation differently.  first off, we don't really work with the cc's.  although we see the cc's on regularly, to date one of them is a little different than dating someone who works in-house at our organization.  second, i said that going out with someone one time isn't necessarily dating and if them other cc's try to step to her she can say no just like she did before she went out with this one cc.

then i went in with the "we are single black women in our mid to late 20's" argument.  i told ms. goody that this particular cc was kinda hot and was very respectful and professional.  plus we go from home to work and back again so where else is newbie, or either one of us, going to meet eligible men if not on the job?

then i circled back to newbie and told her that she should accept the cc's offer if she was actually interested in him.  i suggested that once they had a date she could discuss with him the need to be professional and discrete while on the job, reasonable requests that most grown folks can get with.

was i right or was i right?

what say ya'll?  what advice would you give newbie?