politricks as usual

I’ve never been much into politics, especially not on the national level. I could get down with the local race for mayor and followed the city council elections with some level of enthusiasm. I’ve even canvassed for my next door neightbor as she tried in vain to get elected to the school board. But national politcs....mehhh.

My disdain for national politics stem from my experiences during college as an intern for a United States Representative out of Decatur, GA. Growing up I’d always thought that this sista was so regal with her plaits, so dedicated to helping the folks back home while she tolled on the Hill. During my first visit to Washington in grade school, I bypassed a visit with my own Whitey McWhiterson Representative and sought her out, delighted to shake her hand and get my picture taken with her.

So when I heard about a slot opening up in her district office, I jumped at the opportunity to be a part of her team. But what I got was a rude awakening to the realities of national poltical office. I was assigned to answer phones and direct constituents to the appropriate staff member who could handle their concerns. Let me tell you those phones rang off the hook non-stop all day every day! People called in about any and every thing: my son was picked up last night on drug charges, I ain't got no hot water in my house, my street been flooded for 5 days straight, when is the trash man coming...what could and would Ms. Representative do about it? I quickly realized the more appropriate query was what SHOULD Ms. Representative do about all these people calling her when she was not the appropriate person or agency to be contacting about these concerns?

Ms. Representative needed at least 5 more interns like me just to answer phones in order to adequately field all the calls from folks who lived in her district because it took about 30 minutes to get through each call: 10 minutes to patiently listen to the person tell you their live story and all their problems, 5 mintues to explain to them that actually Ms. Representative was a NATIONAL public servant and therefore she could NOT help you with your city or county problems, and the last 15 minutes tracking down the contact information for the appropriate person or agency that could be of assistance. Plus I never even got to see Ms. Representative the whole 6 months I worked there.

You could say I came away from that experience feeling a little jaded about national poltics. Granted Ms. Reprsentatetive was a great woman and a dynamic speaker who could really get things done in Washington but her ability to get those things to trickle down to the local level and influence the lives of every day people in her district in a meaningful way were slim to none. Her concerns were about national wars, party politics and compromises within the CBC while Ms. Mae on the block just wanted a new storm drain so her street wouldn’t flood every time it rained. I realized the best way to help Ms. Mae was on the local level, someone who could actually move things along toward a solution.

So color me surprised when during this national election cycle I found myself enthralled with the Democratic presidential primary. I didn’t really know much about Obama until he won Iowa. I’d slept through that "one America" mumbo jumbo and figured Hillary Clinton was it but after Iowa and Obama's breakout showing there, I perked up and took notice. Actually did some research on all of the candidates AND the issues. I even got involved, traveled to Philly to canvass for the O man, argued with collegues and family members about the issues and started reading as many political blogs as my usual fashion, music and gossip ones.

Maybe it was the excitement of the times, the chance to beat a smug white woman (emphasis on smug), or the idea that a Black person just might show these whiteys and beat them at they own game but I was all in. Now, not so much. I’ve come down off my election high. In large part because I always kept central in my mind that no matter that he is black (or half or whatever), no matter that he sells this hope change positivity trifecta like its goin out of style, no matter that I’m claiming a spot on somebody’s floor in DC come January cause I will be there to witness history, I still remember that he’s a national politician (emphasis on both). He's susceptible to all manner of politricks, manipulation and game playing, we already see it. You see, despite his protestations to the contrary, he can’t be responsive to the little issues, the things that matter most in folks lives. The most we can hope for is that he stays at least 50% true to his ideals and ushers in a crop of folks on all levels of government who will be responsive to our needs.

Or we can take the the streets and let la revolucion begin! I'm down for that.

you betta claim him!

Ever since I met my future sister-in-law last year in New Orleans, she's given me some perspective on relationships.

So, how do you know she's your future sister-in-law if your brother and she are not engaged.

Well see, last year was the first time I met my brother's girlfriend (let's call her Shana). We did some sightseeing on the famed Canal Street as we sauntered east we found ourselves infront of Brooks Brothers. And like a scene in a movie she says, "After law school, we'll have to go shopping in there to get you ready for the firm." Well, I be darned.

Shit, homegirl just laid out a vision for the next 3-4 years of my brother's life. And he giggled/smirked with a self-assurance and didn't seem surprised by her observation more like a declaration. I just stood on Canal Street dumbfounded, but on the real -- your girl Bellini wanted to scream "THAT"S WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT...STRAIGHT UP CLAIM HIM GIRL! And needless to say, that day last year was the first time I met Shana and all these events occured in the initial 3 hours of us meeting.

Fast forward to this year, where the scene was my other brother's graduation. Well, guess who flew into town with my brother -- you guessed it Shana. And she and I didn't skip a beat we just resumed where we left off from in New Orleans last year.

She and I chit-chatted and such and she inquires whether my brother informed me that she matriculates in June and that she needs a traveling partner in June to go to Europe vis-a-vis Italy and sought me as her buddy. And I give her a slight perplexed look and inform her no -- I wasn't aware -- but of course I'll go with her. I mean folks reread my bio on the right -- I am your renaissance women! And my brother quips "I told you she would go with you!" Bru, you know me so well.

In using the encounter I had with my future sister-in-law, I want to demonstrate to women that my sister-in-law is selfassured and my brother likes that. There is no quasi-sense of relationship and where they are going with it. Alot of times I meet women, know women, and heard of women who've been with a man and can't tell you shit about their relationship--lack confidence.

Let's take Mary's situation from Dark'n'Stormy's post Monday. Mary should have flown up here with James. Better yet, Mary should have sat James ass down and got to the nitty gritty of their weekend plans. And the fact that she didn't now raises a stupid specter of doubt in the future of their relationship. Now be reassured James is fine with the relationship -- he was chilling at the cigar bar with the fellas -- straight kickin' it. Women I'm not sure where the hesitation/apprehension comes from when dealing with men. But it's costing you happiness in your relationship. So, if you want him, you betta claim him!

cheers,

Bellini

An Apology to the Old and Pregnant

So I’m doing my part to save the planet by riding the bus to work. Okay let me be honest, I’ve been riding mass transit since before it became the fashionable thing to do, but since being ashy is now classy…I’ve gone green! Go Captain Planet! Anyways I’ve noticed a great influx of folks showing their bus passes these days and things have gotten extremely crowded on the chariot, to the point that bus drivers refuse to move until folks “get back, get back!” But something is going on in this here great land of America; because among the people who are standing up in the aisle for their dear lives are the elderly and the pregnant. All while menfolk listen to their iPods and read Decency for Dummies, never once offering their seat!

Now I will admit that I, Amaretto Jenkins have this lingering idea that able bodied men are supposed to move for women. Now is this a lie someone has told me? Maybe. But I just can’t subscribe to the notion that the men, who at times are teens, in their twenties, or old like McCain weren’t taught how to be a stand up guy. I say this because I have men in my family who know better and showed me through their actions what I should expect from the opposite sex. Or even because you will never see this D-cup gal burning or even going without a bra, because I’s a lady. But I feel that women who lived through the Great Depression and ones who are about to birth a baby deserve a little preferential treatment…not just from the fellas, but from everybody.

But…the fellas should be first to bust a move.

I’m sorry, I feel some type of way about giving up my seat to somebody’s granny while I’m trying to balance in the aisle with 3 inch heels, my newspaper, and the satchel I like to call a purse… when Mister and the Gang are all sitting there watching me teeter and tauter.

I just can’t help but wonder what is going on? Like Hip-Hop, is respect between the genders also dead? I have these expectations of basic decency from men, yet I’m actually surprised when I come across some who actually met them. Last week I was telling Rum Punch about how this young man opened and closed his car door for me and that I was truly impressed. She basically hurricaned on my whole zeal parade by stating that that’s what he was supposed to do. True. She had a point. But I have a few male friends who are all about the Dutch experience. And since I’m able bodied I can open my own door, kill my own spider, and pump my own gas, he'll just sit and wait for me to finish. I don’t know, but I will say that it was nice to live like it was still 1948 and we were just coming home from the drive-in. To be a woman respected and not have to be the woman who is strong enough to do it all by herself, hear me roar!

I just feel like I should be someone’s partner in this thing call life, an equal if you will. And when I’m old or pregnant I feel like I should be taken care of, not just by my family but by my community. But seeing how folks be acting today woe to me then. Hopefully I’ll have someone in my employ to drive me around everywhere I need to go. Otherwise I need to brace myself for the pain and embarrassment of falling down on the bus, and nobody caring enough to move.

Ouch!

See You in Seven

The Young and Restless Impatiently Waiting As The World Turns

Here I am waiting.

Just waiting.

Anticipating a chance to run into you.

I sit here for hours.

I'd be content to just sit here and talk to you.

In my dreams you love me and me only.

The way you kiss me and hold me.

Love is what I search and search to find.

But until then I'll just dream for the meantime.

- Outside Your Door, Me'shell Ndegeocello

My homegirl who lives in Atlanta came to visit this weekend. She and I met while living in the same dorm during our freshman year of college and have been cool ever since. I had a ball reminiscing about old times and swapping stories about new ones with her. We stayed up 'til the wee hours of the morning sipping, smoking, eating, chilling, kicking it...

And male bashing.

Ouuuuuccccchhhhhh! Those words are painful to my eyes and ears! I am also ashamed for engaging in such behavior. It's so not my style. There are specific brothers [and sisters] who I may speak about in a not so nice manner depending on their individual stories. But I am not the kind of chick to sit around singing the woe-is-me-good-men-are-hard-to-find song. However, this weekend my homegirl and one of her male suitors got the best of me.

My homegirl, let's call her Mary, didn't come all the way to DC just to see me. The primary cause of her visit was to come see a friend of hers preach. Her friend, who we'll refer to as Joseph, was a guest speaker at church in my neck of the woods and Mary came to show her boo some support. Yes I called him her boo... A spade is a spade. You'll understand in a minute.

Joseph attended college in the same town as Mary and I; we met him during freshman year while attending a gym jam at his school. They dated for a bit during those undergrad years and went their separate ways after graduation, but have always kept in touch. Fast forward a lil' bit... Mary was engaged to be married but she and her fiance broke it off January of this year. The fiance was on some bullshit [we can explore some other time]; luckily Mary didn't marry the sucker before finding out he was not the one.

Joseph also lives in Georgia, but he's a couple of hours away from Atlanta. On many occasions recently, Mary has traveled to see ole' boy speak. Now she has mentioned him to me in conversation, but I didn't realize until this weekend that they were seeing each other. This past Saturday was Joseph's birthday and Mary told him she was coming to DC to celebrate with him. I think her plan was to spend one day with me and the next with him.

Mary and I spoke Saturday morning to confirm her travel info. I was going to scoop her from the airport that evening; we would chill and she was spending the night at my crib. I asked about the location of the church where Joseph was speaking at on Sunday and told her I didn't mind accompanying her there. I figured they'd probably spend the rest of the day together so we'd split at the church. Well she didn't know the name or location of the church but said she would contact Joseph to find out. By the time I picked her up from the airport, she still had not spoken to brotherman and he had not called. She told me she texted him upon her arrival but he had not responded.

Sunday morning, we still had not heard from Joseph. We decided to sleep in because we went to bed very late the night before. By the time we finished brunch ('round 3PM), still no word from her boo. I could see the anguish on her face and even I was questioning what the hell was wrong with this fool. The weather was beautiful and the sun was shining, so Mary and I partook of a pitcher full of margaritas as we people watched while sitting at a sidewalk cafe. A couple of hours and mild tequila haze later, Joseph still had not called her. I told Mary to call him but she refused. She felt like why should she call him when he knew that she arrived the night before. He also knew that she wanted to go see him preach and she was obviously not present at the worship services. Mary said "my man should be checking on me, not the other way around."

We kept it moving to another bar and had yet another round of margaritas. Around 7:30 PM, Joseph texts Mary asking her where is she. She asked me how should she reply. I said to tell him "ditto motherf**ker", but she didn't like my suggestion. We end up leaving a nice table overlooking the waterfront to drive across town to meet this negro and his friends at a cigar bar. Do you know what this man said when we asked him why in the hell we hadn't heard from him? He said he didn't receive Mary's text Saturday night. And then asked her why she never called.

Didn't I tell her to call the man?! Either he answers and you get the info necessary or he doesn't answer and you can blame him for not providing the necessary info. But what is your defense if you never dialed his number?

Mary felt like he should have called looking for her, especially when he knew she was flying in for the weekend. She said that his ex-girlfriend lives here in DC and she had a feeling he would try to see her and probably invited the ex to see him preach. Mary even went as far as to speculate that Joseph purposely withheld the location of the church because he didn't want Mary's presence to throw salt in his game. She said the men in the pulpit get more panties thrown at them than a rock star. In the next breath, she tells me that he swears he ain't sleeping with nobody else.

At the end of the day, was it even worth it? We had a couple of drinks and cigars with Joesph and his buddies and they went on their merry way. Of course he wanted Mary to come back to his hotel room but she was too pissed at that point, so she spent the second night back at my crib. She showed me the sexy lace nightie that she purchased for the weekend as she balled it up and stuffed it into the side pocket of her suitcase, disgusted with herself for expecting love and happiness. It was truly hard to watch this weekend's events unfold.

This morning, as we rode to the airport, Mary asked me if I were her what would I do. I wasn't sure how to answer. My initial reaction is to give Joseph the finger and keep it moving. I'm mad and we ain't even knockin boots! See, I've been the one waiting. Sometimes, waiting in vain. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. Why should Mary wait either? Why do we wait on what can or what may be? Does the waiting ever pay off?

If you were Mary, what would you do?

Tumultuously Yours,

Dark & Stormy

Jelly Bellies, Muffin Tops and Cougars, Oh My...

Good people out there, what you know good? Let's get started shall we. So it's summer time and the clothes have gotten shorter and tighter. But I see that everyone did not use their winter months wisely. Kind of like the ant and the grasshopper. But in reverse. Anyway. Is it just me or have y'all seen any of these fashion mishaps in your city, your town, your borrough, or your hood?

We can't let this happen! Let's work together to change the history of poor fashion choices! Yes we can!

Um yeah and these are the "clean" versions. I know y'all have seen worse at the club or on the block. Now first off this can't be comfortable. It's clear that these women's pants are too tight and are probably cutting off some circulation. Secondly, as I've mentioned before I'm a thick chick and I will acknowledge that I have a little bit of a tummy, so I definitely sympathize with my sisters out there. It's not a good look in general. But it's definitely not a good look when your clothes don't fit. And while I'm working on geting my tum tum down, in the mean time I have learned how to camouflage it. Now admitedly I'm no fashionista but um, I have learned over the years that it's all about blazers and shirts that float away from the body. And most importantly it's about buying clothes that fit. Even if that means having to go up a size or two. Yes, that's hard, admitting that you're really a size 14 and not a 10, but trust me it will serve you and society as whole. I think I speak for many people when I say that we don't need to see your jelly belly shake, shake, shake! So, good people out there, will you please help me spread the gospel? Will you carry this post in your pocket and if you a see a woman like this (or worse), please politely tell her to tune in to TLC's What Not to Wear every Friday night at 9 p.m. EST. And let them know that sometimes there are Saturday marathons! This has been your Rum Punch Public Service Announcement!*

I can't think of a good transition sentence...

So y'all Very Smart Brothas wrote a post a little while ago about the goggles. In addition to beer goggles, they gave other other examples of when objects in mirror may look better than they are in reality. One of them was drought googles. You know when you haven't gotten any in awhile and suddenly every person of the opposite sex starts looking yummy. Y'all, I think I'm there.

The other day I ran into a young man who I know. He is all of 19 years old. As we were parting ways, he going to the bus, I going to my car (cause I'm a grown ass woman who lives at home dammit) he maneuvered a ride home from me. So, while we were walking and talking, I realized that this young man is quite intelligent with a touch of innocence and naivete. Man, I could shape and mold him, I thought. To test my theory when we came to a puddle I said to him, "Now this is where you would lay your jacket down so I wouldn't step in the puddle." Never mind that he wasn't wearing a jacket. He rolled with it and said, "but instead of ruining a good jacket, couldn't I just carry you over the puddle." And I said, "Well I don't want you to hurt yourself." While in my mind I was thinking, "Okkkk! Play on playa." Or as Amaretto said: PIMP JUICE!

During the ride home we chatted and exchanged some more witty banter which let me say I didn't realize I had been missing. I mean he even used the phrase, by the by. I mean how cute is that? And I was thinking, "Whoa Rum Punch, get a hold of yourself. I know it's been a long time since you got some, but you can't start preying on the youngins'..." But I now realize why older women go for younger men. In addition to him being smart and funny, the best part was that he was malleable. I felt like if given the chance, if I worked it and twerked it right, I could totally make him hopelessly devoted to me. If I were a woman of looser morals, when we got to the house, I would have told him I was a little parched, so I could get inside, seduce him, and see what he was working with. But thank goodness things came into focus as I pulled into the driveway. I mean I don't want to corrupt young minds. Not yet anyway. Not when they can't even buy their own liquor. But when he graduates in a few years and he gets that first real job, if I'm still single, he might get a little graduation present! MEOW!

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*We at 5 and possible are not responsible for any conflict that occurs after you confront a woman with a jelly belly or muffin top. Proceed with caution and at your own risk.

asleep in Sunday School

One of my favorite movies (at the moment) is Kno.cked Up. Me loves it! It’s funny and full of moments that are so true to life. And while I was watching it over the weekend for the 50-eleventh time (cause I’m a loser with no cable), I had an ah-ha moment.

Eureka….eu—freakin-reka! © Seth Cohen. This whole movie is like last week’s post come to live. Made possible by white movie actors, of course. For those of y’all who haven’t seen it, slacker Ben meets on-the-come-up Alison randomly one night at the club. They head to her place for a little naked goodness but right before the deed is done, their wires get crossed such that Ben goes it raw dog, and Alison ends up preggers. The scene where Alison breaks the news to Ben that she is with child is classic. Missed sex education much, kids?

Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Fuck off!
Alison: What?
Ben: What?
Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Pregnant... with emotion?
Alison: Pregnant with a baby.
[Then they talk about how Alison thought Ben had on a condom and he tells her that in fact he did not, leading him to ask her how come she didn’t realize he didn’t use protection.]
Alison: I was drunk!
Ben: Was your vagina drunk? You think I'm an inventor? "He created a dick-skin condom, He hollowed out a penis and put it on", what the fuck?

I die laughing every time I watch that scene. Alison and Ben try to make a go of the relationship since they will be tied together by this baby for the next 18+ years. Despite some rough (and wildly hilarious) patches, they end up happily ever after since it is a movie and they are white.

Folks I know who find themselves in this same predicament -- guy meets girl at club, they f*ck once or often like it’s goin out of style, somebody forgets their sex education 101 and girl ends up pregnant. That shit usually ends on a sour note. Because the two people are probably totally incompatible and just haven’t had enough time to figure that out because instead of getting to know each other they were just f*cking. NOTE: taint nothing wrong with sexual relations between two grown folks but when you slip up and create a life, shit gets complicated. Or even if they kinda sorta could possibly have been feeling each other, the stress and strain of an unwanted pregnancy can, I’d imagine, drive any normal person insane. In the movie, Ben hints at the shame of Alison's being an unwed mother but in real life I often wonder, WHERE WENT THE SHAME?

Cause young unwed women coming up pregnant happens a whole lot more amongst the young black crowd or more among folks that I know (which is the young black crowd). I remember the days when folks, especially church deacons and deaconesses looked at you crazy when you came strutting into the church with a bump under your shirt. Like oh hell no little Ms. Hot in the Pants did not walk up in my sanctuary pregnant and we know she aint been married by Pastornem. And you shore couldn’t come back to church till that baby was out. If ever. We’d whisper about them and speculate during Sunday School what the future held for them now that they had been ruined. Notwithstanding the inherent sexism in these judgments, I honestly believe that the shaming which these girls had to endure among their church community impacted not only that girl's future sexual behavior but also the behavior of younger onlooking girls. It engrained in me the idea that I should keep my legs together and if I so happened to open them, I should make sure not to come back with some visible evidence that I had opened them.

Nowadays, young unwed mothers get way too many congratulations. Of course, I’m not saying that we should bring out the scarlet "BM"and "BD" and brand folks foreheads so we all know that there is a baby running round which they created outside the bounds of marriage but I think that we have gotten way too comfortable with this situation to the community's detriment. Folks are so brazen and bold that not onlydo they have that one but then they continue to pop out another and another and another, as if to say MARRIAGE BE DAMNED.

And being a young unwed mother with a sometimes in the picture baby daddy is difficult and not ideal, especially if that becomes your norm. How does that affect your kids and their ideas about what a healthy love relationship should look like when it's time for them to get into one?

I know this may make some folks upset, in part because we ALL know someone who had a baby outside of marriage and therefore it is personal to us and we don’t want to judge people we know and love. But on a macro-level…ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

“This isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about. This is sick.” –Ben

Round 'em up. NOW, part ii

I told you, we would revisit this topic and the time is now. To the ire of some, they were not feeling my opinion on the matter. But in the nation’s capital the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) chose to do as my post is titled – Round ‘em up NOW.

“It was a warm afternoon in the District's Trinidad neighborhood, and a group of boys was walking shirtless in the streets, some with pants hanging down below their behinds.”

This is part of the problem – I didn’t say the origins of the problem, but problematic nonetheless.

“One of the boys had thrown a plastic soda bottle at a youth passing by on a moped, nearly causing a crash. "Unsupervised teenagers -- that's part of the problem,"... "Now, how they're getting a hold of all these guns and drugs, that's the other part."”

Just a neighborly observation as told to a columnist for the Washington Post.

Now, remember these quotes as I make my point ….

In a neighborhood that is in the backyard of the US Capitol, during the past two weeks there was a spike in homicides. So, the chief of police and the mayor’s chief legal counsel devised a plan Neighborhood Safety Zone to contain the number of homicides in this neighborhood. Over a 6-day period, they imposed a military-style ID checkpoint on a street in that neighborhood. In effect, stopping all motorists (however pedestrians could walk on by). The efficacy of the plan was criticized, considering that pedestrians were not stopped and if a motorist was denied entry at the checkpoint – they could enter the neighborhood via other streets, alleys, etc. Now some residents were peeved and others were relieved. During MPD presence, no homicides occurred.

I must admit the mayor and chief of police strong-armed residents of the embattled district. The mayor’s office didn’t inform the city council of his intentions let alone residents of that district. But then again, the mayor of café au lait has operated in this manner since the inception of his mayoral term. His claim would be: In the name of efficiency – I gots to do what I gots to do—and for the most part—his newly minted citizens (circa ‘90s +) don’t mind his style. They like when the job is done.

Lest I forget to mention, that the neighborhood is slowly being gentrified. A new train stop was added a few years ago. Residents built a new charter school – so a change is comin’

Remember the quotes above

The issue of civil rights vs. civil liberties is not new in this country. It is a crude idea for the government to intrude in your neighborhood while you pay taxes and such, however you better devise a plan of your own and become proactive 'cuz if not the government will adopt their own plan to the ire of many.

Now critics to my original post can twiddle their thumbs all they want, but the government ain’t waiting for ya to figure things out. So, either we round ‘em up NOW and salvage what’s left of our neighborhoods and rebuild or they will round ‘em up NOW.
It’s your call to make.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. Congratulations to the Boston Celtics, stone-cold crushing LA!