A Return to Normalcy*

So, every year, I go up to the mountains on this woman’s prayer retreat. And you can write your prayer requests down and the might women of God pray over them. So I write down a lot of things, and being the single Black woman that I am, I be like, “God if it’s your will, I pray for a husband.”

And then since people be like you gotta be specific with God, don’t just write down a husband, then you don’t what you’ll get. So, I be getting specific. I don’t go into physical description or have mandates, like he must be taller than me. And that kinda stuff. Now when I first started going, my list was lonnnnnnnng. Characteristics like God fearing, patient, trusthworthy, hard worker, and so on. Real specific like. And then as I kept dating and met guys who seemed great until it was like boom pow surprise – I made it short and sweet last year – something like God if it’s your will, and you send me a husband, let him: Love You, love himself, love me and any kids we have. Amen.

But um, I see now I’ma have to make an addition to this year’s request and ask God for something that seems so simple, but is actually oh so elusive - ask for someone normal. Plain and simply normal. Other definitions according to www.thesaurus.com: Ordinary. Regular. Typical. Sane. Rational. Reasonable. Right-minded. Sound. Well-adjusted. Normal.

Cause clearly right now crazy keeps asking me out and taking me to dinner. And it’s not the same crazy. Oh no, it’s different kinds of crazy. And it’s not on the surface crazy. It’s the just when I think, “hey we are having good convo. This guy seems aiight. I might could…” kinda crazy that jumps off the plate in mid-conversation.

Is it too much to ask for someone to not invite me out somewhere and then not abandon me and not pick up his phone when I arrive at the location? For me to not be on my second outing with a guy and have him ask me, “would you ever go to a sex club?” Head cocked to the side, like “errrr… weren’t we just talking about how crazy this weather has been? Segue much?” And then have him tell me all about his prior sex club experiences. Yes, that’s plural on purpose. For a guy who was fake digging me, I say fake cause he only called me on occasion, to not say to me, “every time we speak, you’re always so animated. I like that and I hope you’re animated like that all the time. If you know what I mean.” Duuuuude. Really? Click.

Sigh. Just normal. He ain’t gotta be no gangsta. He ain’t gotta be no balla. © Teedra Moses He doesn’t have to have climbed Mount Kilimanjaro of the corporate ladder. Or have acquired this and that. Or have this thing called life all figured out. Or be complacent and have no motivation to have a better job, or a better community, or a better world. Can he just have some damn sense? And some manners? And like thesaurus said and the old folk say, be in his right mind? And be normal?

I mean I know we all have our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. And I’m not saying I’m perfect. Or I’m the ish. But I would like to think that I live a normal life. I go to work, go to church, out into the world on occasion, see plays and shows, go to work some more, write, travel on occasion. Not boring or unfulfilling per se. But it’s pretty basic. Do I have hopes and dreams and desires? Sure. But I’m not going to watch people have sex with donkeys and then inviting unsuspecting people along. I treat people with respect. I am conscious of things like personal space and life boundaries until you’re at a mutual comfortable space with that person. I try very hard to be a woman of my word.

Mint Julep and I have joked about this lots – but seriously like the next dude who has consistent follow through, ain’t talking that jibber jabber, and is living a life that I deem normal – cause everyone’s normal is different. Maaaaaannnn! It’s gonna be on and poppin. Like for real. With age, comes wisdom, the wisdom to recognize that normal, safe, and “boring” is where it’s at when one is interested having a companion and a family.

And so I hope the Lord reads this here blog cause I can’t take much more of this. It’s enough to make you wanna bury your head in the sand and be like I don’t want no mo’. I’ll just live off the memories. Thanks for the good times. But that's probably not the best approach. Lol. So I will take my head out the sand and continue to get my socializing on, but to quote ol' school, just a lil' cocky, not totally off his rocker, Kanyeze, "Man, man, man, if another crazy nig approach me again, I will be assaulting him..."

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

* Word up Warren G. Harding

manufactured disdain

so i've been thinkin' about many things lately... jilly from philly started it ... now i love me some jilly from philly - her prose, candor, etc. so, i won't fault or raise issue with jilly's sentiments. but sometimes i wonder what events have stoked the fear, resentment, etc. of black folks? slavery? jim crow?

Ladies and gentlemen, i'm afraid to say i don't think slavery is enough or can be an apt answer for Generation X (you and i). Slavery can provide context, but you then have to articulate the subsequent events that have exacerbated those conditions and PERSONIFY that to your situation. And this is where black folks fail miserably!
some of us are utlizing slavery as a catchphrase for everything: academic failure, underemployment, unemployment, marriage woes, etc...

back to jilly from philly...

take a jaunt with me back down memory lane... i remember in my youth (let's say 11 or 12) feelin' a certain way about Goldilocks being extra affectionate to my brother. My brother must have been 8 or 9, in the math/science magnet, and was 1 of 5black kids, 1 of 2 brothers, out of sea of 100 students total. Goldilocks would just dote on my brother in the hallway, wanted to be his partner in class, and i would give her the side eye in passin' of course. you know Bellini always keeps it pleasant. but really - my feelings were manufactured. i felt a certain kind of way 'cuz i come from the jungle fever era, Rodney King showdown of events, etc. but lookin' back wasn't nothing wrong with that girl - she just happened to be white.

but i reckon, episodes like that happens to our brothas all the time. the smart, educated, good jobs brothas - women are doting on them and not just sistas. and when you exploit the factors of being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood, predominatly white school, and thus white friends - what do you expect? There's a greak likelihood that a brotha would have dated women that are represented by countries in the UN.

but here's something more interesting... that i wish jilly from philly would have discussed... most brothas i know are equal opportunist in dating etc. they love sistas, goldilocks, etc... no discrimination. so you can have a brother and sister in the same household - brother will definitely marry somebody don't care what hue she may be and his sister ain't dating or has no prospects for love. yet both siblings grew up in the same household. what are the dynamics being present - that one child feels comfortable entertaining options and the other just feels limited. and given that both children have the same Mother, what is being spoken/unspoken that allows our brothas to freely and fully engage in their options and yet sistas feel their forbidden to employ the same liberation?

and that is Bellini's question of the day.

cheers,

Bellini

Question of the Day...

When someone gives you a gift do they still have right to ask or judge how you use it?

The back story: This weekend my kinfolks were in town to celebrate my cousin’s debut entrance into society via a cotillion. Mom came bearing gifts for me, some where requested, some where things only a mom would pick out for their child and of course my personal favorite…a monetary gift! So cut to Sunday the family has gone to a brunch buffet and my uncle has paid for us all to gorge ourselves on crab legs, waffles, shrimp, omelets, etc. At the end of our feast it’s tipping time, everyone is throwing is money on the table, I throw in a $10 bill… End scene.

So I am talking with Mom yesterday about the weekend and other things and during a lull in the conversation my mom says “It really disappointed me that you threw in a $10 bill for a tip yesterday.” Saaaaaaaay what? Are you seriously coming at me like that? I mean I didn’t know which way to go in response to her statement because, despite us both being grown women living in separate houses...she is my mom. I couldn’t give her the snarky response I would have lobed at a peer...like "Well if you are going to be all up in my business then you should have known that I didn’t leave a $10 because I got change from the money in the center." *Sucks Teeth*

But even if I had lost my mind and felt like leaving a $10 tip for a buffet in these lean economic times what business is it of hers? Is it because I tipped using some of the money that she had given me? Was she entitled to form an oversight committee to watch how I used it? Do gift givers have the right, especially when the recipient didn't solicit the gift, to expect it to be used in a specific way?

The whole exchange got me to thinking about a homeless person holds a sign that states that they’ll work for food, should I be mad if they choose to use the money I bestowed to them on liquor? When a church has a food pantry, can the lady with no money and four hungry children really state that she and her kids don’t like eating generic foods? That they eat Honey Nut Cheerios not A&P’s Sweetened Oats? My first instint is to state "how dare they?!" But just because a person is in need, does that mean that they have to accept everything people want to give them? Does that mean they have to do everything their benefactors tell them to do?

What are reasonable expectations when giving and receiving gifts? Does the giver have the right to comment on how the gift is being used? Did I have the right to be offended by my mom’s disappointment?

Please care and share your two cents…


See You In Seven

Is there no shame?

Could someone explain to me why there is no shame anymore in being a hoe?

I just don't understand.

Hoes are making websites, writing books, putting on blast how many guys they slept with, how small dudes' members are, etc and somehow they are managing to make money doing this mess!

The latest is Kat Stacks (google it, I refuse to link it).

What happened to the days when you were a whore but you kept that mess to yourself. Now we have chicks who don't even speak properly talking about all the book deals they have. Is she serious? I don't even know half the rappers she is talking about sleeping with and who cares? Hasn't the tell all book already been done. And how do you say you feel sad for the original 'video vixen'? This has to be a joke.

Everyone laughing?

She posts a video on her blogs saying that this payback for them treating her badly, which leaves me SOOO confused. You can't be serious?!?! Payback, chick you look like an fool. This isn't pay back? If anything this keeps them in the limelight. It only works when you a get with a SUPER celeb like Jordan or Tiger. And even then, it doesn't really mean anything? (sigh)

She is a mother.

I digress.

_______________________

Welcome back E!

Much luv until next week... peace :)

The Work Hearse

Ok good people. Let’s get it. Let me tell y’all something about Rum Punch. I hate work. Now this doesn’t mean that I don’t or won’t work – there was a time when my family nicknamed me 'Jamaican woman' cause I was working three jobs at a time. I used to go to one job. Take a nap at home, in the car, wherever. Go to my other job. Work the late night. And then be up at 6 in the am to do it all again. So I will work to pay for the lifestyle to which I have made myself accustomed– trips to fun places. Being able to purchase cute purses. Shoes. house. Working just enough so I can get just what I want, but don’t really need no extra. And by extra I mean that extra that comes along with the business of work.

See I just want to come in, do my lil’ job, eat my cheese sandwich © Bernie Mac, get my hours of sick and vacay which I will use accordingly thank ya very much, collect my bi-weekly check and be out. I don’t wanna hear bout yo’ kids. I don’t hafta to go to lunch with you. I don’t wanna work my way up and climb some metaphorical ladder. I didn’t come here to make friends – I have those in my real life. I don’t wanna go to no stinkin happy hours. Or schmooze with the bosses. I don’t want to exchange business cards so we can connect. Network. And build. And talk about work some more. I don’t wanna gossip bout other co-workers. Heh. No, I take that one back. But what I don’t wanna do is be pulled into co-worker’s mess and drama with other co-workers. I don’t need no extra.

And yet God stays having a sense of humor cause right now I’m going through it at work. With a co-worker who isn’t hardly pulling her weight. Who falls asleep on the job. Who has a laissez faire – which is apparently French for I don’t gives two fux – attitude. The managers are afraid of her. HR ain’t touching her. She is persona nom grata around the office and her lack of work is affecting my work. You see because we are a “team.” And we have individual goals, but an overall team goal and she ain’t doing her part. And I’m tired of her being so extra. Extra lazy. Extra tired all the time. Always ready to go home at 10 in the am – heffa you just got here! And I’m bout ready to whup some ass.

Not just cause she ain’t pulling her weight, but because our program targets and serves girls in underprivileged neighborhoods in DC. That’s why I took this job. And I’m committed to doing a great job and making sure they receive a great service.

But y'all know I hate work, right? Riiight. And yet at the same time I curse my mama and daddy for raising me to have a work ethic and to hate mediocrity even more! And this heffa ain’t even mediocre – she’s subpar! And while it grinds my gears that she gets paid for such – it annoys me even more that there are hundreds of little Black and Brown girls missing out on a much needed program cause she don’t feel like doing it.

And no one’s making her. And she’s ok with that. I mean I guess she’s made it this far in life - putting in little or not effort. Why stop now? But this behavior just baffles me. Do you really need a manager on your ass to encourage force you to do your work? I mean daggone it they gave us a goal to make for the year and I’m determined to make it. Maybe it’s the Leo in me. Maybe it’s the instilled values. Maybe it’s because the man has me brainwashed to want to eat dangling carrots. Maybe I’m becoming one of those people who actually likes their job and wants to be good at it. Sigh.

But watching her not work makes my teeth ache. And my skin crawl. And my blood boil. Makes me wanna holla, throw up both my hands and then use both hands to slap the mess outta her and say, “Get your old ass offa facebook and DO SOME M-IN-FIN WORK! And stop playin the scary big Black woman, got these lil white women shook, role and DO SOME M-IN-FIN WORK!” It makes me wanna do better. And sometimes it makes me wanna quit. But more than anything it makes me wanna get on my grind, and follow my real dreams, cause it reinforces what I’ve always known – this working thing is for the birds. And the horses.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

before i jump out the window, what's your name?

ladies, you ever meet a guy and the next thought that crosses your mind is what ya'll's babies will look like?  no.  ok guess that's just me.  i have this thing where my relationship speedometer goes from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds. lit-trally!  i think about what kinda father he would make, how good (or horribly sweaty) he'd be in bed, what he'll look like when he turns 72, all within a very short time of meeting the man.  and as in the case of kirk, youngin and a whole bunch of other nigs, they usually don't last till they next birthday, let alone 72. 

then i have to systematically throw out all the day dreams and fantasies useless information i had in my head about the possibilities.  i feel a wee bit of shame about this.  cause i know it's not right.  but it's okay.  i'm gonna make it anyway.

but, good people of the 5spot, how do i stop doing it?

i tried telling myself to have no expectations.  i'm unimpressed.  underwhelmed.   i'm just shaking your hand mr. man and saying hi.  that didn't work.  at all.

see i am an optimist.  i see the glass as full and overflowing with the goodness of life in abundance.  when i apply for a job, i don't worry about whether i will get an interview, i contemplate whether i will accept or reject an offer. and so it is with the men i meet. but it's not like step 3 is getting on one knee and propose.  it's all in my mind.  so it's all good.  right? 

and hey some very famous guys seem to suffer from the same affliction.  exhibit A:  ted mosby.  dude says i love you on the first date and thinks that every girl just might be the one.  ok, ok, he's fictional but all characters are based in truth.  what about jay-z?  he wrote a whole song about it.  artists always speak the truth.  it's the reeeallllll hip-hop!

or is it?  what say ya'll?

reality check

With just a year to dig in to his presidency, what have we learned about President Obama. So far, and perhaps for the remainder of his presidency - he is a big picture guy. And he definiteley calls all the shots. and some of us don't like it - CBC, GOP, name another group. some of us wish that he sweats the small stuff, or not so small stuff according to the CBC. all i will say to the CBC is outsmart him. stop nagging, and deploy a strategy... pull your braintrust together and outsmart him. but you get no pity from Bellini. And neither do you Mr. President. Bipartisanship will not save the day, hence healthcare reform would not have taken this long. So, if you can get it cool, but if not we expect you to get the job done. You're good for going solo, but Bellini would prefer you light the fire under the a$$es of your Cabinet too. I need to see them flex on issues ala Nancy Pelosi. You will be forever indebted to Madame Speaker for cultivating the votes.

GOP, you're bettin' on your disenchanted group bringin' home the bacon in November. But November is a long way from here and you're forgetting about a contingent you need to bring the votes - INDEPENDENTS comme moi. And you're consistent track record of abstaining from votes and lack of engagement on issues is not governance... so that's just something to think about McConnell and Boehner... as you pursue your strategy.

and Netanyahu and company, you really chose an intersting time to flex. be careful 'cuz I wouldn't want to be on the bad side of Secretary Clinton or Mr. President. They will outsmart your a$$ and I don't think you want the wrath of Hillary. the Brits already fired a top level diplomat for fcuking with your shenanigans. hmmm... it will be interesting to see where the Middle East goes from here.

and who would have thought of the day, where the dollar may began to make headway against the Euro. Thank you Greece and Portual too!!! Just the thought of you renegging on your financial obligations, has Europe in a tizzy. Don't take it personal Greece, but Germnay don't like you. The US isn't putting on its dancing shoes either, 'cuz we thought the weak value of the dollar would augment our export sector... but if the dollar and the Euro become neck and neck, we can nix that idea...

well let's see what spring has in store for us...

cheers,

Bellini